Boys of Fall
by prettychocolate
Summary: What happens when you fall in love with your ten year old son's married football coach? Or when you're the coach and you fall in love with your player's mom against your best efforts? Set in current day Deep South. Rated M for future chapters. 1st story.
1. Chapter 1

Bella couldn't remember a hotter summer. The sun felt like it was literally cooking your insides. Summers in the Deep South were always hot and humid, breaking the 100 degree mark and with humidity that felt like you were wearing a wool blanket over your head. But this summer, this August in particular, was staggering.

Yet here she sat, in the outfield of a baseball field, where her son was ironically practicing football. Full pads and helmet. This was what her friend Neil from England called American Football. Bella always laughed at him and told him to get over himself. He was in America now. "American football" is football and "Football" is soccer. And tough boys in the South don't play soccer. They wear equipment and tackle people. Even if they are only ten years old.

She worried about dehydration and looked over at Will again. He was listening intently to his coach and practicing his technique. She took his water bottle out of the cooler next to her camp chair and walked toward his coach, silently asking permission to interrupt. Coach Masen saw her and smiled.

"Will, why don't you get you some water?" He slapped the top of Will's helmet and pointed to his mother who was hovering a few feet away. Will nodded seriously and turned to run to his mother.

"You okay buddy? Not too hot?" Bella asked worriedly, taking in his red face.

Will gulped the water and shook his head. "I'm fine," he gasped between swallows. When he'd had enough he practically threw the bottle at her and ran back to Coach Masen.

Bella went back to her seat and watched the people around her. She had been surprised at how many mothers brought their kids to practice. Granted there were less than ten but it meant she didn't stick out like a sore thumb. When Will had begged to play football she had been hesitant to agree, afraid that he would get hurt. But then she thought about her brother Emmett who had played from the time he was five until he graduated from college. Emmett had never done more than broken a finger here and there. Besides, she had thought to herself, she needed to let him be a boy. He spent too much time alone or with only his mom for company.

A coworker asked her once if she ever wished that her husband was still alive. She was glad that the people around her had jumped to her rescue and scolded the woman for even daring to ask that question; of course she wished her husband was still alive! Bella was relieved that she didn't have to lie. The truth was that she thanked God every day that James had died in that plane crash. He was abusive and mean and his drinking had been escalating. She had been trying to find a way to leave him when his plane went down when Will was only six months old. The added bonus was the insurance settlement that allowed her to only work part-time.

Bella settled back and used her magazine to block the worst of the sun's rays. It was almost seven o'clock but the temperature still bordered on the triple digits. She sighed and alternated fanning and shading and wishing she was sitting at home watching the news. The only thing, other than Will's obvious enjoyment, that kept her in her chair was the pleasure she derived from watching Coach Masen.

Coach Masen was without a doubt the sexiest thing Bella had ever seen. He was tall with messy bronze hair and piercing green eyes. But what Bella found most arousing was his strength. He wasn't bulky like her brother but his muscles were evident. She would get to practice early under the guise of letting Will play with his teammates just so she could see Coach Masen get the tackling dummies out.

Tackling dummies weigh almost 75 pounds each. Bella knew this because she googled it. She thought they must be pretty light until one day she saw one of the other coaches carrying one and having to use two hands. But Coach Masen (she had only recently discovered his first name was Edward and still couldn't bring herself to call him that) could throw a tackling dummy over a fence and at least twenty yards. And every time he chunked it, he made this grunting sound that almost made her cry. She had turned down Emmett's offers to bring Will to practice because she couldn't stand the thought of not seeing Edward's sweaty biceps and hearing his slight grunt of exertion. Bella shivered at the memory in spite of the heat.

She knew he coached because his nephew, Taylor, was on the team. And she knew he wore a wedding ring, but in the five weeks since practice started she's never seen or heard about his wife. Until today.

The sun had just slipped behind the treetops when she heard a mother about ten feet away mention his name.

"… well, that's what Edward's sister told me."

Bella focused on not changing her posture so she wouldn't look like she was listening and waited for the other mother to respond.

"She doesn't even _own_ a pair of sneakers or flip-flops?"

"Nope, and the only reason she's so skinny is because all she eats is wheat germ in her tea."

Bella wondered what the big deal was. So Coach Masen's wife didn't own sneakers and liked being skinny. It was strange but she felt sure that the Coach's wife must be a lovely person and these moms were just jealous. She couldn't imagine such a nice man, with such an easy laugh, choosing to marry a horrible person. It was inconceivable.

She looked over at Will who was now scrimmaging at defensive end. She looked past him to where Coach Masen was standing, feet apart, arms folded, pulling at his bottom lip with his fingers. She could tell he was studying Will's performance and watched as he smiled and clapped when Will got loose from his blockers and almost sacked the quarterback. She smiled and clapped too and her heart swelled when she saw Will's face. He was smiling at his coach and lifted one arm casually to return the offered high-five. Bella knew that even if his coach was as attractive as a troll, she would still be sitting here in the heat cheering him on.

Two weeks later found Bella hugging the toilet and puking. She had had a bad feeling about the Chinese buffet for lunch but ignored it. And now she was paying the price for not listening to her gut instincts: her guts were trying to fight their way out. She heard Will knock gently on the door to her bathroom.

"Mama, are you okay? Do I need to call an ambulance?" the worry evident in his voice.

It took every maternal instinct Bella had to make her voice sound strong and not shaky with the tears she felt pressing at the back of her eyes.

"No baby. I'm okay. It was something I ate. I'll be fine in a few hours. I promise."

She heard him whisper an "okay" before he spoke a little louder, "Do I need to call Coach about the practice game tonight?"

Shit. Bella had forgotten all about his practice game against another team tonight. _Shit!_ She tried to think while she pressed her heated cheek to the toilet seat. Emmett. She sat up and called out to Will, "Can you bring me the phone? I'll call Uncle Emmett first."

"Yes ma'am." She heard him walk away and wished for the millionth time that she wasn't so alone, that she had a husband or someone to help her.

Bella reached under the bathroom vanity and pulled out a washcloth. She then used the toilet and edge of the sink to pull herself up and turned on the cold tap to wet her cloth. She was bathing her sweaty face when Will came back with the phone. She took it and dialed with shaky fingers.

"_Hello?"_

"Em. Can you help me with something? Will's got a big practice game tonight and I've got food poisoning. Can you take him? I know it's short notice and all but he really wants to go and he's a starter and there's no one else I can think to call." Bella knew her voice sounded weak but she hoped that would work in her favor.

"_Damn, Bells. I'm still in Miami. My flight leaves in about twenty minutes. I'll be back in Birmingham by six. What time is his game?"_

"Six-thirty. But he has to be there by five-thirty. Never mind. It's okay."

"_Can you find someone to take him and I'll bring him home?"_

"I don't know. I'll see what I can do." She was desperate to get off the phone because she could feel another bout of sickness coming on.

"_Text me if you can work it out. I'll check my phone when I land. Sorry, sis."_

"It's fine Em. Look I gotta go. I'm about to be sick again." With that she hung up the phone, handed it to Will who looked disappointed and pushed him toward the door.

"Look on the fridge door for Coach Masen's number. Call and see if he can pick you up. Uncle Emmett can bring you home. Go. Out. Out." She made it back to the toilet just in time.

What seemed like an eternity later Bella heard Will open her bathroom door. She looked up at him from her vantage point where she was pressing her hot face to the stone floor.

"Mom?"

Bella tried to push herself into a sitting position but was just too weak. "Yeah, baby?" She smiled at him, trying to reassure him that she wasn't about to die. "I'm okay. I think the vomiting has past. I'm just weak is all."

Will took a visible breath and grinned, "Good. I was worried. Um… Coach Masen is here."

Bella was relieved. He wouldn't miss his game after all. She smiled until she saw the beautiful face of Coach Masen appear above her son's head. And she wished that she could die. Immediately, if not sooner.

"Ms. Swan are you okay?" He looked genuinely worried.

Bella suddenly found the strength to sit up and smooth her hair at the same time.

"Oh my goodness. I'm okay. Just some really bad Chinese food. I think the vomiting is past. I… um… just, yeah." She stopped talking because she realized it was just making her look ridiculous.

"You think you can make it to the bed by yourself? Have you had anything to drink? You could get really dehydrated you know." He stepped around Will and squatted down in front of her, waiting for a response.

"I, um, haven't had anything to drink or anything. I was just trying to work up the courage to stand."

Coach Masen looked over his shoulder at Will, "You know if you guys have any sports drink?" When Will nodded, wide eyed, he continued, "Go get one and some crackers." When Will took off running, he added with a shout, "And a garbage bag!"

He looked back at Bella and smiled gently. "Come on, let's get you into bed." He reached out and took her hands, pulling her up and wrapping one arm around her waist. Bella was beyond mortified. She could smell the contrast between them. He smelled like coffee and soap and man, while she smelled like vomit and sweat and tears. Oh and toilet seat. Nice. Kill me now.

But she had to admit, she was as weak as a kitten and would've had to crawl to her bed if he hadn't helped her. Just as he pulled the sheet up over her, Will came back with the Gatorade, crackers and garbage bag.

"Here you go, Coach."

"Thanks buddy. Can you get her the phone too?"

"Sure," and off he ran again.

"I'll bring him home after the game is over."

Bella shook her head, "Oh no that's okay. Emmett's going to bring him home. He couldn't pick him up because his plane doesn't land in time. But he should be there just after the game starts."

Coach Masen looked disappointed. "Oh. Okay. I don't mind really, if this Emmett wants to just not worry about it."

"No. He really wants to come. He's worked with Will for years on his football skills. He loves it."

Now Coach Masen looked almost sad but at the same time like he had finally figured out the solution to a problem. "That would explain why Will knows so much then. He's really good you know. That's why he's starting. First years never get to start."

Bella face lit up with pride and she smiled, "I thought it was just me who thought he was good. Em's told me before but I thought he was just biased, you know?"

Before he could answer, Will returned with the house phone and the cell phone. "Here you go, Mom. I think you've got a text from Emmett." He turned to his coach, "I'm ready when you are."

"Thank you Coach Masen. I really appreciate it." Bella said softly.

Coach Masen looked down at her with a smile, "I think since I've picked you up of the bathroom floor you can call me Edward now."

Bella returned his smile with a blush. "Thanks, Edward. You guys have fun and sack the QB for me, okay, sweetheart?" she added, looking at Will.

Will smirked at her and briefly reminded her of his father, making her heart clench. "I'll see what I can do."

Bella looked back at Edward even though she just wanted to go to sleep. "Take care of my baby."

"Got it. Get some sleep."

She didn't even hear the front door open and close before sleep overtook her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Before I forget again…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight in any way. I just can't get them out of my head. **

**This is my first fanfic. I hope you like it. If you're interested in beta'ing, please let me know. **

**If you're under the age of eighteen, please go read something else. It's rated M for a reason.**

**Enjoy!**

Edward had never been so thankful for a sport in his life. He loved coming to practice every day and spending time with the boys. They hung on his every word and looked at him like he was a god. It was refreshing.

At work, he was just the quiet IT guy who kept everything from falling apart. No one even thought of him unless something went wrong. Then they wouldn't leave him alone until it was fixed.

And then there was the Guard, the National Guard that is. When he'd come out of the Marine Corp early, he was obligated to take a two year term in the Guard. It wasn't so bad really. It kept him fit and active. And away from home.

Home. What a relative term…A prison, more like. It was nothing like the home he'd grown up in. There the people not only loved each other; they liked each other too. His parents had tried to tell him that it was too soon to marry, but he just didn't understand. He thought, in his youthful ignorance, that everybody knew how to love each other the way he and his family did. He had no idea that people like Lauren even existed.

They met right after Edward enlisted. It was truly a whirlwind. They talked on the phone for hours and when they were together, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Lauren took his virginity on her parent's front porch one night after he brought her home from a date. Kissing led to heavy petting which then led to her pushing him onto the porch swing, hiking her skirt up and straddling him. He'd come almost immediately but she didn't seem to mind. Her father had come outside minutes after Edward had tucked himself back into his jeans. He'd never felt so guilty in his life.

After that, Edward had felt honor bound to marry her. She knew it and used it against him. When he found out he was going to be sent to Afghanistan after boot camp, she'd somehow, and he couldn't figure out how, convinced him that they should get married before he left. His family had tried to tell him, convince him that she was not the one for him but his guilt wouldn't let him hear them. His honor demanded that he take care of her.

It wasn't until he got home from boot camp that he got his first inkling that something was wrong. And to be honest, he hadn't really minded at the time. Lauren met him at the airport along with his family and insisted that they ride back to his family's house alone, forcing his family to ride in a separate car. Edward had just thought it was sweet; she wanted him all to herself.

But as soon as they pulled away from the airport, she unzipped his pants and pulled his dick out, stroking it until is was hard and then sucking him off. He was terrified. His parents were right behind them and he was afraid of crashing. He tried to pull her head up but she was relentless, sucking and licking and even biting until he came in her mouth. Then she'd calmly tucked him back in his pants, lifted her skirt to show him she wasn't wearing any panties and grabbed his hand, shoving his fingers where she wanted them and demanded some payback. He'd driven one handed and done his best to stay on the road as she rode his fingers to her own orgasm. That was his first clue that Lauren only wanted him around for one thing.

Mike, his one friend from high school, had called him crazy when he confided his discomfort to him. But Edward didn't just want a wife who would be sexually aggressive. He wanted a wife who would love him. Sure he liked to get off like anyone else. He even liked it rough sometimes, plowing into her from behind while watching her tits bounce in the vanity mirror. But he would also love to make love to her. Gently. Slowly. With patience and trust. But Lauren would have none of that. If he wouldn't fuck her, she wasn't interested.

So now, when his need became too great, he would give in and bend her over the dining room table or push her up against the garage wall when she got out of her car. But most nights he tried to stay away from her. Two nights ago he had walked into the living room and caught her riding a giant purple vibrator while the dog watched. Instead of getting hard, he felt disgusted. He just wasn't interested. She was broken.

So here he was at football practice, hiding from his real life, and enjoying the hell out of doing something good for a change. These boys were sweet and innocent and willing to work hard. And he knew how to teach them and encourage them. He enjoyed showing them the correct way to do something, like tackling or blocking, and then watch as they put forth their best effort to emulate him.

He first noticed William, or Will as he preferred to be called, during the first week of practice. Will worked harder than anyone out there. He ran his laps faster than anybody and hit his drills harder. When Edward had talked to them about technique, Will already knew it. Edward assumed that Will had played football before in another city but when he asked him, he found out that he'd never even put on pads before.

After that, Edward spent extra time with Will. He could see that he was going to be aggressive enough to be a defensive end, which led to the first time he'd talked to Will's mother. She brought him to every practice and stayed to watch. Edward had never really looked at her until she approached him after practice one night.

"Excuse me, Coach Masen?"

Edward looked up from where he was squatted down putting all the balls and water bottles back in his duffle bag. He was surprised at how pretty she was. All long legs and brown hair. But he noticed she was twisting her fingers together and wondered why she was upset.

"Yes ma'am?"

She had smiled and let out a long breath. "Um, hi," she gave a little wave. "I'm Will's mother."

"Uh." Brilliant response. "Um… what can I do for you?" Mentally Edward kicked himself in the nuts for being a social retard. Outwardly he smiled and extended his hand. She took it and squeezed gently.

"I was just wondering how you thought Will was doing? Is there anything he needs to be working on at home?" She smiled at him and then glanced away to watch Will running around with his teammates.

"Not really. He's doing really well. I'm thinking I'll put him at defensive end." At her blank stare he continued, "He shows no fear of tackling or getting tackled. A defensive end's job is to tackle either the quarterback or the running back. And even if he doesn't tackle them, he's putting pressure on them to hurry up which makes them more prone to making mistakes. He's real good at that so far." He smiled, hoping that she would relax.

"Oh!" She nodded her head a few times and wrinkled her brows, "I just saw him struggling to get the other boys out of his way and thought maybe he was doing something wrong."

"Nope. He's doing just right. And the more he practices, the better he'll get at getting loose. If he makes two sacks a game, that's good." Again she gave him a blank stare. "A sack is when you tackle the quarterback before he can throw the ball. It wears them out, makes them tired and afraid. Will's good at doing that. Watch how intense he is." Edward saw her face light up with pride and she smiled the sweetest smile in the world.

"Good. That's good then. I know he loves football in any shape, form or fashion. He's been wanting to play for a couple of years but I was too scared he'd get hurt."

Edward smiled back, warmed by her love for her son, "If he uses the right technique it will minimize his risk of getting hurt. And he's got good technique."

"Ok. Thank you. Let me know if there's ever anything we need to work on at home."

They'd said their goodbyes then but after that Edward had been keenly aware of her. Of how she got to practice early and watched everything that happened during. She never jumped up or interfered if Will got hit especially hard. And she even stayed a few minutes afterward so Will could goof around with his friends. He could also tell that she was learning about the game of football. She was beginning to yell out encouragement at the right places.

When Will called to ask for a ride to the game, Edward wondered what could have happened. It was so out of keeping for her to not be wherever Will was. He asked what was going on and was concerned when Will told him that his mother had been throwing up for hours. Edward assured him that it was no problem to pick him up and then determined to leave extra early so he could make sure she was alright.

And she definitely didn't look alright. She looked like hell and he'd lived with his sister long enough to know she was embarrassed for him to see her like that. But he couldn't just leave her laid out on the bathroom floor. He helped her up and into the bed, making sure she had plenty of drink and a phone to call for help if she needed it.

He felt like an idiot for feeling jealous of whoever "Emmett" was. He obviously was very special to both Will and his mother. He now knew that Emmett was the reason Will knew so much technique. He also had a good job and helped take care of her.

It was at this point Edward realized he had no idea what her name was.

"Will? What's your mother's name? Is it Smith like yours?" He tried to sound casual and accepting.

"No sir. After my dad died, she changed her name back to Swan. So her name is Bella Swan and mine is William Smith. We thought about changing my last name to Swan but it cost too much money." Will answered matter-of-factly. If he thought his coach's question was strange, he showed no sign of it.

"Hunh. Okay." He tried to keep the same tone as he asked, "So when did your dad die? Was that recently?"

Will adjusted the knee pads of his game pants, "Oh, no sir. He died in a plane crash when I was just a baby."

Edward glanced over at Will and frowned, "I'm so sorry Will. That's terrible."

Will shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Nobody tells me anything really but I think he wasn't a very nice guy. My grandpa, he's a policeman, he said to my grandma once when he thought I wasn't around that my dad dying took care of the problem before he had to." He shrugged again, "And my grandpa's a real nice guy. He takes care of us. So if he thought bad about my dad, he probably wasn't so great."

Edward was silent. He had no earthly idea how to respond to this bit of news so he changed the subject, asking what kind of music Will liked best. But he stored away this information until he had more time to think about it. _Bella_. It's a beautiful name. And it suits her. Bella Swan. He would have to see if she needed help around her house or something. Being a single mom in this day and age had to be hard.

Right before half time, Edward heard someone cheering for Will. Loudly. Very loudly. He looked back and saw a tall guy with massive muscles leaning on the fence. He looked like he'd just gotten away from the office. His suit pants were a bit wrinkled and his tie was hanging loose around his neck. He looked tired but Edward noticed how his eyes stayed glued to Will. Maybe he was a nice guy after all.

After the post-game pep talk, Will walked over to let him know that he was leaving. He pointed behind him to the giant Edward had seen earlier. Edward smiled and waved at Emmett who, in turn, waved back. He decided to go over and speak and find out how Emmett knew so much about football. Edward suspected he'd played it in college, just from looking at his size. But before he made his intentions obvious, he caught a glimpse of blond hair to his left and felt defeat. He looked past the team and saw the red dress. All he could do was sigh. Lauren was here. Which must mean one thing: she was about to make his life hell until he put out.

**Poor Edward. Forced to have crazy sex all the time. Whatever will he do? **

**Hope you enjoyed it. Leave me a review if you can. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Praise and adoration greatly enjoyed! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just write about them. **

**Thanks to all the people who put BoF on Story Alert! And thanks for the reviews. That makes me smile like Bella watching Edward throw tackling dummies. *happy sigh***

Bella woke up to the thunderous sound of Will and Emmett getting home. She smiled into her pillow. How could two people make so much noise?

She almost laughed out loud when Will quietly opened her bedroom door and whispered, "Mom?"

She rolled onto her back and chuckled. "No need to whisper. The stampeding water buffalo already woke me up."

Will looked shamefaced but still grinned. "Sorry," he said.

Bella scooted up to lean against the padded headboard and patted the mattress beside her. "Come here." When Will settled next to her, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "How was your game?"

She felt him shrug, "It was fine."

"Fine!" Bella and Will both jumped at the booming sound of Emmett's voice as he came into the room. "Fine? He was freakin' awesome! He sacked their QB three times! By the end of the game that poor kid looked like Dad trying to get up. He was worn out!"

Bella leaned away to get a better look at Will's face. "Is that true? Did you knock some poor little boy down three times?"

Will couldn't hold back his grin any longer. "Maybe."

"William Charles! What have I told you?" She made her voice sound harsh and scolding.

Will giggled. "To 'knock him down!' And 'Get him!'" He raised his voice, trying to sound like his mom.

Bella and Emmett broke into fits of laughter. Bella kissed the top of his head, "Two things: First, good job buddy and second, ewww. You're sweaty and stinky. Go take your shower."

Will stood up and sighed. "Yes ma'am."

Emmett watched them and smiled. "Yea, buddy. Get cleaned up. We've got things to do."

Bella raised one eyebrow and waited for an explanation. She grinned when she saw Will position himself next to his uncle. She knew Emmett had talked to him about showing a united front. It was his signature move when they were growing up.

Emmett draped his arm over Will's shoulder. "Heck yeah, we've got things to do. We're having Man Night! We're watching college football and drinking lots of soda and belching whenever we feel like it!"

"And Uncle Emmett's ordering pizza!"

"Is that right?" Bella stared Will down. Will held her gaze for a few more seconds before breaking down.

"Mom, can I please go home with Emmett and spend the night and have Man Night?"

Bella nodded her acquiescence. "Yes you may."

"Yes!" Will fist pumped the air while jumping up and down. "Yes. Yes. YES!"

Bella couldn't help but laugh at his craziness. "Okay. Okay. Go get your shower." As Will ran from the room she felt compelled to add, "And use soap!"

"Awww, man!" He muttered. "Yes ma'am."

Bella pulled the covers up higher and leaned her head back.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" Bella asked without opening her eyes.

"Make him ask when we all knew that you were going to say yes."

Bella opened her eyes to see Emmett studying her face, completely perplexed.

"Because I'm his mother. I'm his authority. He's only ten and he doesn't need to get the idea that he can assume that he knows what I'll say. That's a dangerous thing." She watched her brother process her logic. He gazed down at her face thoughtfully.

"When did you get so smart and turn into a _mother_?" He asked quietly.

Bella smiled up at him before patting the mattress just like she'd done with Will a few minutes before. When Emmett was seated beside her, holding her hand, she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I know what you're doing. You're trying to take care of me by taking Will home with you. You want me to 'rest'." She said the last word like it was an expletive.

Emmett chuckled. "A little rest wouldn't hurt you. You look like shit, sis."

"Being draped across a toilet puking all day will do that to a girl."

"Well," he slapped his thighs as he stood up. "You should rest, then take a shower. It wouldn't kill ya. And we'd all appreciate it. Now I'm gonna go see what's taking Pork Chop so long." He looked back over his shoulder and winked, "And when you bathe, use soap."

Bella threw a pillow at her brother as he jogged out of the room to go in search of Will. She smiled at his nickname for her son. She was so blessed to have him around. She wondered for the millionth time if his "job relocation" from Chicago wasn't just a ruse to be close enough to take of her. She had asked him before but he vehemently denied any connection. _Methinks he doth protest too much,_ she thought.

Bella snuggled back into the covers after shouting for Will to eat an apple and a handful of baby carrots to complete his nutrition chart. She could hear Emmett whining about it but Will just shouted back with a "Yes ma'am" before they left.

Bella fell asleep smiling.

"Will! Time to get ready for practice!" Bella shouted from the kitchen where she was putting the ingredients for soup in the slow cooker.

"Where are my cleats?"

Bella shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I don't know son. The last time I wore them I put them where they belong."

Will rounded the corner into the kitchen in time to roll his eyes back at her. "Mooommmm. Seriously. I can't find them."

"Did you look on the bathroom floor? Probably behind the toilet?" She asked while she slid the diced potatoes into the broth.

Without answering, Will ran out of the room and a few seconds later called out, "Found them!"

Bella tried to think about other things as she worked but her mind kept coming back to Coach Masen. _Edward_. He had been so sweet to try to help her when she was sick. Ever since then, these past few days especially, she couldn't stop thinking about him. And watching him. Oh how she tried not to watch him but it was useless. Thankfully he worked with Will enough that hopefully people thought she was watching her child and not his coach.

As she grabbed her purse and keys off the kitchen table, Bella thought about him. She had no idea why she was so _aware_ of him. It was almost like she could feel him breathe all the way across the field. It made her feel like a crazy person. She felt sure that if he knew how much she thought about him he would be afraid of her. And he should be afraid. She felt completely unstable. She'd never felt like this with anybody. Not even her husband. But maybe, she thought, that was because of her age. She had been so young.

When she met James in high school, he was the most popular boy in school. He was strong and handsome. He was captain of the baseball team. She, on the other hand, was in the Greek Club and the Key Club. And if there had been an I-Want-To-Be-Perfect-So-People-Will-Love-Me Club she would have been the President. The one therapist she'd ever gone to said that was a response to being the sole caregiver for her father and brother after her mom left when Bella was only twelve.

Bella never figured out why James had chosen her. She was quiet, unassuming, timid. She never dated. She always wondered if he was just trying to prove he could get any girl he wanted. Even the geeky awkward girl. At the time, she had been flattered. After all, he was a senior and she was just a sophomore. Now she felt like a conquest. And a stupid one at that. She'd been so young and innocent, only sixteen when they married, and when she'd found out she was pregnant just six months after the wedding, she thought maybe it would make James happy.

"_You're what?" His voice sounded like steel laced with poison._

_Bella tried to hold back her tears by biting her bottom lip. "I'm pregnant."_

_James looked at her placidly for several minutes before picking up the coffee carafe and hurling it against the wall, shattering it into a million tiny pieces. Then he walked calmly over to her and grabbed a handful of her hair, shoving her onto her knees in the glass. _

"_You stupid bitch. What the fuck did you do that for? You do realize you're going to get fat as a cow and about as fuckable." He shoved her head to the floor and stepped over her. "Great. Just great. Now what am I gonna do?" _

_With that he walked out of the apartment and disappeared for four days. She spent the rest of the night picking glass out of her knees and palms and cleaning up the broken shards. She wanted with everything in her to go home to her dad but she was afraid of what he would do. Her dad had a temper; it was slow in coming, but when it came it was explosive. She would do anything, live through whatever, in order to protect her father from more pain. _

_As she cleaned, she planned. She still had hopes that James would change. That he would want to be a father. It just wasn't in her to believe that he was completely without hope of redemption. _

Sitting at the field, waiting for practice to start Bella again alternated fanning and shading. She thought about her life without James and how much better it was. She hated that he died a bad man, unredeemable. There was something broken in him. Something that wanted to break the people around him. It was like he could smell a person's weakness. Then he would systematically hunt it down in order to destroy them. He had done it to her for almost two years before God solved her problem for her.

Bella glanced at her watch and realized it was past time for practice to start. Coach Masen was late. The assistant coaches were on the field looking at their watches and talking quietly. Bella looked over her shoulder into the parking lot just as his red Jeep pulled in. One look at his face when he got out and Bella knew something was wrong.

Edward's eyebrows were scrunched together and his mouth was tight looking, like his smile had been stolen. He stepped out of the field house with two tackling dummies instead of one and heaved them ten feet further than usual at the same time. Something was wrong.

"Mom, where's my water? I'm dying here." Will ran up to her seat with his helmet in hand.

Bella reached down and picked up his reusable water bottle and handed it to him. Two more tackling dummies sailed past and landed with twin thuds a few feet away. Bella looked back to where Edward was rubbing his hands on his pants, getting the dirt off. Definitely wrong.

When Bella looked back at Will he was already walking away. But he was walking funny. Like he was trying to keep his shoes from falling off.

"William, come here for a second." She walked over to meet him and knelt down to examine his shoes. "Did you tie your shoes or did you slip them on?"

Will huffed with impatience, "It takes too long to tie them every time! Why can't I slip them on and off?"

Bella lightly slapped the back of one ankle to get him to move his foot forward so she could retie his cleats.

"Because you will break your ankles. And you can't run as fast. Mainly because I'm your mother and I said so."

Bella's head jerked up when she heard a snort. She looked at Coach Masen who was walking past and narrowed her eyes, "Did you just snort at me?"

Edward stopped in his tracks, taken aback. "What? No! No. I didn't even hear what you were saying. No. I would never … snort. At you. Sorry."

Bella finished tying Will's shoe and sent him back to warm ups, all the while looking up at Edward who wasn't looking away. She straightened up and asked quietly, "Is everything okay, Coach?"

Edward tried to smile at her, but he could feel how the smile didn't touch his eyes. "Everything's fine. It's been a long day, that's all." He rubbed his hand over his face before rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks for asking. I… um… yeah." With a small wave he turned on his heel and blew his whistle to signal the start of practice.

Bella watched him walk away and wondered what was the matter. She couldn't help glancing down at his ass as he walked away. _Damn, _she thought in the words of her sister-in-law to be, Rose. The one time Rose has seen Coach Masen her response had been, "Damn. I bet you can bounce a quarter off his ass." Bella wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but she knew it was an acknowledgement of how spectacular it was.

She tore her eyes away from his backside and felt guilty immediately. Here he was, having a terrible day, and all she was doing was ogling him like a piece of meat. Bella walked back to her chair and sat down. She picked up her magazine and pretended to look at it for as long as she could.

Eventually she looked back up. Edward was smiling at Will but his smile was brittle and didn't reach his eyes. Added to that, he was standing farther away from the boys than usual. It was like he wasn't really at practice tonight. He wasn't letting himself participate in his usual way.

Bella watched him for a while longer and then decided to walk around the piece of walking track that bordered the field.

As she walked past a small cluster of moms, she overheard one of the say, "Did you see Edward's wife at the game? She looked like a whore."

"Oh my God, yes! I couldn't believe it! I mean she was at a children's football game, for heaven's sake."

Bella dropped to one knee to retie her shoe, but really hung on every word.

"I know. Put on a big girl dress in your size! It was disgusting! I don't know how Edward can stand her!"

"Why doesn't he leave her? Everyone knows that she sleeps around. Which is crazy. Just look at him!"

Bella finished tying her shoe and continued on her way. Poor Edward! To have an unhappy marriage when he seemed so kind. _What a waste_, she thought. If James had been half the man Edward seemed to be, she would have done whatever it took to be with him.

She looked back over to the field only to find Edward looking up in her direction. Her heart skipped a beat before she reminded herself that he was not looking at her. She looked down at her feet as she walked, feeling the blush creep up her cheeks.

As pathetic as it made her feel inside, Bella admitted she really wanted him to look at her.

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading! Poor Bella. We'll get more glimpses into her marriage to James and why in the world she married so young! And why would Charlie let her do that? **

**One thing: do you think Emmett is older or younger than Bella?**

**Next chapter will be EPOV!**

**Reviews motivate. Just sayin'…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just fondle them a bit.**

**Wow. I've had a lot of traffic with this little story. I am amazed! Thank you to everyone who took the extra minute to review. It helped me! And please forgive any grammatical errors. I've written most of the chapter while on pain meds getting over surgery.**

**Now on to EPOV…**

Edward pretended like he didn't see Lauren in the ridiculous hope that she would get bored and go away. He took time to speak to all his players and say good-bye to the parents. But when he noticed a group of mothers off to the side whispering and glancing past him, he knew he couldn't ignore her any longer.

He took a deep breath and turned to confront his wife when he saw that it was largely unnecessary, as his tiny pixie of a sister was taking care of it. He watched in amusement as Alice stood toe to toe with Lauren before walking over to intervene.

"Quit touching yourself, you skank," Alice hissed, slapping Lauren's hands away from where she was trying to adjust her cleavage.

Lauren moved her hands and stared blandly at Alice, "Jealous? At least I've got something to adjust." She glanced down at Alice's flat chest and stifled a yawn. "Look Alice, I'm just here to 'support' my husband. What is your problem?"

Alice's eyes narrowed at Lauren's use of air quotes. "My problem is that you have no concept of what is appropriate and what is," she paused to look here sister-in-law over again, "_your natural inclination._"

Before Lauren could say anything that would potentially land Alice in prison, Edward stepped in between them. "Alice! I didn't get a chance to say hello before the game. Jason did great, didn't he?"

At the sound of her son's name, Alice's fury faded to be replaced with a sweet smile. "I know, right? He did so well! I'm glad you moved him to, you know, whatever place you moved him to. He likes it!"

"Safety. He's at safety, sis. And he likes it because he's so fast. Just like his momma!" A little buttering up never hurt anything either. Why couldn't they just get along?

Alice glared a hole through the hand Lauren was currently rubbing up and down Edward's arm. "Nice try, Edward. But nothing short of your happiness will bring me peace." She leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I love you brother."

Edward's heart clenched at her words. Alice always knew when he was unhappy, even when no one else around could tell. She was psychic or something.

Edward felt guilty yet again for single-handedly screwing up his perfect family's dynamics. His sister had married the perfect guy for her and then proceeded to have the perfect son and daughter. His parents were still married and in love with each other and had recently decided to start going on medical mission trips. The only black spot on the soul of his family was him.

Or more specifically, his marriage to Lauren. Lauren had never tried to fit in with his family. Her father was a small town preacher, better than everyone else, and who thought that anyone who drank, smoked or listened to rock music was going to hell and should be avoided. Little did he know that his own daughter was the town's worst sinner. She just hid it really well. They were similar only in the depth of their self-righteousness.

Edward had naively believed his wife had been a virgin when they had sex for the first time. Looking back, he was embarrassed by his stupidity. He had believed all of her words and ignored all the evidence that was screaming to be heard.

Lauren's family had moved to his hometown of Ashville after he graduated from high school and gone off to college. When he graduated, the ROTC had given him three months at home before he went off to the equivalent of boot camp. It was during those three months that he met and got engaged to Lauren. She seemed so sweet and …believable.

And Edward _had_ believed her, part of him still did, when she said she was misunderstood and unloved. She convinced him, as naïve as he was, that girls were jealous of her and men pursued her. And the rumors going around about her were all lies of jealous people. Lauren vowed that she had wanted to save herself for her husband. That she had been overwhelmed by love and desire when she'd straddled him that night on the porch. She even seemed overcome with grief that she'd 'committed such a sin'.

And oddly enough, even knowing it wasn't true, it was this, more than anything else, which fed Edward's guilt. That he was the one who had lacked the control and the strength of character to keep her purity intact. That he was the one who was required to take care of her. And that, more than anything else, he resented it.

Nothing in life made him feel more guilty. His sister told him Lauren was manipulating him, lying to him. And part of him believed that. But there was another part of him, the part of him who wanted to be good, who couldn't bring himself to believe that anyone, not even Lauren, could be that evil. He had to hold out hope that she wasn't beyond redemption.

~0~

When he stepped out of the shower later that night, Edward wasn't surprised to see Lauren sitting on the vanity in just her bra and panties. He smiled in a way that he hoped wasn't encouraging and reached for his towel. Before he could grab it, Lauren had it in her hand and was kneeling in front of him drying off his legs.

Edward refused to look down. He thought about his grandmother, rotted liver and onions, baseball statistics, anything to keep his mind away from sexual territory. He knew that Lauren was just waiting for his dick to get hard. She would take that as an invitation and he didn't want that.

He reached down and grabbed her by the elbows, pulling her to her feet.

"Thanks for the offer of help, but I've got it." He half smiled at her in pity before he turned away.

He watched her reflection in the mirror as she eyed his body. He felt her lips on his back as her hands slid down to massage his buttocks. He held his breath and rubbed his towel over his chest and arms, pretending like he was unaffected.

When she moved to his side, he saw she had taken off her bra and was rubbing herself up and down his arm. She slid one hand around and gripped his dick in her hand, squeezing and pulling. The image was unbelievably erotic. For a few blinding seconds, Edward's mind was blank of everything but the sight of Lauren's tits rubbing against the side of his chest; the sound of her breath in his ear; the feel of her thumb rubbing his slit as her hand pumped him slowly up and down.

Edward didn't notice when his towel fell out of his hand. His head dropped back and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He wanted release more than anything in that moment. Now was a time, he told himself, when he could let go and plunge into her from behind. She would scream in pleasure and he would be free of her for a while longer.

If, on the other hand, he decided to pull her hand away and push her out the door, she would make him pay. In one way or another, he would have to pay. She may scream and curse at him for hours. She might wait and loudly fuck herself into oblivion while he was on the phone with his boss. There was no telling what Lauren would do to get even with him for not giving her what she wanted.

He opened his eyes and watched her in the mirror. She must have seen the indecision in his eyes because she quickly dropped to her knees in front of him and sucked him into the back of her throat. Edward groaned and lost all sense of time and space. She was just a hot, wet hole to him then. He grasped her hair and thrust into her mouth. When he heard her gasping, he opened his eyes and looked down at her. She was thrusting her fingers in and out of herself, working herself to orgasm while she worked Edward with her mouth. His pants turned into groans and his thrusts became harsh and uneven. Lauren made a high-pitched squealing noise as she orgasmed around his dick. His come shot into her mouth in thick streams as he grunted over and over, trying to stay on his feet.

Edward leaned over and gripped the front of the vanity to keep from falling to his knees. _She's my wife. She's my wife._ He kept reminding himself, fighting off the guilt he felt. But he knew in his heart that he hadn't treated her like a beloved wife. More like a whore. Someone to give him release when he needed it.

He looked down to where Lauren was sprawled on the tile floor. She smiled up at him before pulling her fingers out of her pussy.

"Wanna lick?" she whispered. When Edward just shook his head, she shrugged and licked them herself. "Whatever. Thanks for the 'almost' fuck," she stood up and walked out of the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway to look back at him where he was still leaning on the sink trying to catch his breath, "But I don't think we can count that as a full fuck. You still owe me."

Instead of answering, Edward just shut the door in her laughing face. How could he hate her so much? He felt it eating away at his soul. Something had to give.

~O~

_Shit._ Edward looked at his watch and realized he was late for practice. He jogged out of his office to grab his football bag from the trunk. Any other day, he might go home to change but he wasn't taking that chance today.

Edward was proud of himself for having successfully avoided Lauren for the rest of the week-end. He wondered why she let him get away so easily. She hadn't snuck into his room or met him naked at the door or anything. Maybe she was changing. Maybe she didn't just care about sex. Maybe she was growing a heart… yeah, right!

Edward was mortified to realize he'd snorted out loud and at Will's mother, no less. When he saw her narrowed eyes, he realized he'd offended her.

"Did you just snort at me?"

"What? No! No. I didn't even hear what you were saying. No. I would never … snort. At you. Sorry." He knew he sounded ridiculous but he didn't care. He couldn't stand the thought of _her,_ Bella, being angry with him.

In Edward's mind, Bella Swan was the epitome of everything good. She was a widow, a single mother and the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her face as she stared him down. When Will ran back to his teammates, he held his breath as he waited for her to speak.

"Is everything okay, Coach?"

She, of all people, had noticed. He'd been with family and co-workers for three days and not one of them, except Alice, had noticed. Well, if they had noticed, they'd kept it to themselves. Yet, here she stood, his image of perfection, concerned and trying to help him.

But he was unworthy. Completely. And he had a wife. A beautiful, desirable, broken, horrible wife he didn't even like. He quickly waved good-bye to Bella and blew the whistle to start practice. For the rest of practice, he couldn't keep his eyes away from her for longer than a few minutes at a time no matter how hard he tried.

The same thing happened at the next few practices. But then he started noticing that Bella was looking back. Edward would catch her staring at him like he was a puzzle that she couldn't figure out. He would smile at her and try to put her at ease. She would smile back and blush, embarrassed to have been caught staring.

After the last practice of the week, Edward hung around throwing the ball with the boys. For once, it was a beautiful night. The sun was setting and for the first time in months the temperature was comfortable.

Edward tossed the ball to Jason and warned, "Ten more minutes. Then I've got to get you home or your mom will kill me."

Jason nodded and with a quick, yes sir, prepared to throw the ball to Will shouting, "Go long Will! Go long!"

Edward smiled and started gathering his equipment. As he squatted by his bag, putting away empty water bottles, he saw ten bright orange toenails appear beside him. When he looked up, he saw it was Bella and couldn't help smiling.

"Need any help?" she asked.

Edward stood up and shook his head, "Nah. I just have to put away those 2 footballs that the boys are playing with and that's it." He smiled at her, happy she was beside him. When he felt like he'd stared as long as he could without getting creepy, he shifted to stand shoulder to shoulder with her.

"I used to think that you coaches worked these poor boys too much. Too many sprints and drills. Then I realized that as soon as you're done with them, this…" she waved her hand in the direction of where the boys were running and shouting back and forth, "is what they do. Must not be too tired." She chuckled and Edward glanced over at her.

"I know. I would be worn out but they have energy to spare." He smiled down at her. They stood in silence for a few more minutes, watching the boys and smiling.

Edward racked his brain. He wanted to talk to her and prolong this moment but was at a complete loss.

"When's our first game?" Bella asked.

"Um, not tomorrow but the next Saturday. Noon." When Bella just nodded, he added, "Is, um, Emmett coming to the game?"

Bella nodded her head and smiled, "Probably. He loves football and watching William play is apparently the highlight of his life."

"Has he worked on football with Will for long?" Edward was trying to be subtle.

"His whole life really," she giggled. "Before birth even. He bought William a football when he found out I was pregnant. He didn't even care if I was having a girl or a boy." She smiled up at Edward, oblivious to the turmoil her words caused.

"He loves him. That's obvious," Edward tried to sound happy about it.

Bella's eyebrows wrinkled but her smile stayed in place, "I should hope so. And Will loves Emmett right back."

"That's good for your relationship." At Bella's blank look he added, "You know that Will and Emmett get along so well." Bella slow blinked and continued to look lost before understanding lit up her face a split second before disgust marred her features.

"Oh God. No! That is so gross." She shook her head vigorously, "No! Emmett's my older brother. Not my… eww. I can't even say it."

Edward felt so relieved he started laughing. Bella joined in and soon they were doubled over, unable to catch their breath.

When he could breathe again, he touched Bella's arm to get her attention. He was unprepared for the spark that jumped between them. Bella must have felt it too because he heard her breath come out in a rush.

Edward cleared his throat and dropped his hand, "Well, that's good to know. Brother. Not boyfriend."

"Definitely," Bella smiled.

As they walked to the parking lot and said their good-byes, Edward couldn't help wishing he could be a better person. He wanted to be friends with Bella, sure. But there was a secret part of him that he kept suppressed, a darker side of him, which found her very attractive. He watched her walk away and wondered how this season would end.

**~O~**

Why did he let her do this? Why? Was he so weak, so pathetic that he had no control over his own body in his own house?

He watched Lauren's tits bounce and sway as she rode him on the kitchen floor. Her head was thrown back and she was screaming incoherently. He could feel the heat from her thighs on either side of his hips and he could even feel his own orgasm starting to build.

He was so confused. He felt dirty. But he wasn't with a hooker or any of the women who put their phone numbers in his pocket. He was with his wife of almost ten years.

Edward looked up into Lauren's face in shock. Had it really been almost ten years ago? A decade since he had felt truly happy without any lingering sense of guilt? A decade since his relationship with his family had been the most vital thing in his world?

He looked down at where their bodies were connected and watched himself disappear into her over and over again. Was this the only reason he stayed? For a hard fuck once a week or so? Was this all he wanted for the next ten years?

Before he could finish the thought or do anything about it, he felt his balls tightening and he was coming inside her. She slammed down on him one last time and screamed his name in pleasure.

All Edward could think was that he wished it was Bella screaming his name before the guilt washed over him again.

**A/N So. Edward… what do you think? Is he really doing anything wrong? He wants to be a good husband, but a good husband needs a good wife, right? **

**And we got our first introduction to Alice in this chapter. I hope you liked!**

**Next chapter sometime next week. **

**Reviews help me write faster. Very true statement.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight. But the characters talk to me sometimes.**

**This is my longest chapter so far. It just kept on coming. I hope you like. **

"_Lift your hips for me, baby," his voice barely a whisper as he pants above her. He is holding his weight on his arms and it makes his biceps bulge. Bella runs her hands over them and into his messy bronze hair._

_She unwraps her legs from his waist and plants her feet on the mattress, pushing her hips up. When she does, her orgasm hits her like a freight train. The pleasure is screaming through her body, in a way that it never has before. She is left gasping and moaning._

Bella's eyes flew open even as she was still gasping and her body still humming from her orgasm. She looked around her bedroom and tried to get her bearings. It was a dream. Just a dream. She found the thought hopelessly depressing. The best orgasm of her life, and it was only a dream.

Without thinking, she ran her hand down her stomach and over her pajama bottoms. When her whole body jerked in response, she tried it again. This time the jolt to her system was nothing but pleasure. She slid her hand under the covers and then inside her underwear. It had been years since she'd even felt the need to do this.

When her finger found her clit, her mind automatically produced the image of Edward from her dream. Hovering over her, moaning her name as he moved inside her. In seconds, Bella climaxed again but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She came two more times before she felt satiated. She sighed in relief and stared smilingly at the ceiling. _Nice._

Later that morning on their way to school, Will informed her that Jason was having a party at Pump It Up on Sunday and he was invited.

"Can I go?" Will looked at her hopefully. He'd always wanted a party at the warehouse with lots of inflatable moon walks and slides but it had always been too expensive for their modest budget.

Bella smiled at his hopeful expression and answered excitedly, "Absolutely! Sounds awesome! What time does it start?"

Will's twisted his face up in an exaggerated look of concentration, "Um… I think he said like six or seven. Or maybe five."

Bella chuckled, "Or maybe you should find the invitation. How 'bout that?"

"Ok!" He was too excited now to argue. He grabbed his backpack and started digging through the front pocket. After a minute he pulled out a crumpled piece of glossy card stock. "Found it!"

Bella glanced over at the mess it was in and sighed, "Put it in my purse. I'll look at it in a minute."

As they pulled into the car drop-off line, Will unbuckled his seatbelt and got his backpack ready. "Are you working at the store today? Or are you going home?"

Bella smiled and untwisted his shoulder strap. "Well, since today is Friday, I'll be at the store. You can walk down when school lets out. Okay?"

"M'kay. See ya!" Will jumped out of the car and immediately broke into a run, "Jason! Wait up!"

Bella smiled at the sight, glad he was finally making friends. She knew football had everything to do with that. Will had always been quiet and had few friends. But since he'd discovered, or rather since Coach Masen had discovered, his talent at football, he now had things to talk to people about. He had a whole team of friends.

Bella was still smiling as she clocked in at the small, used furniture store where she worked three days a week.

"Well, don't you look happy today?" Mrs. Rachel chirped. Mrs. Rachel was the older lady who owned and ran the place as a hobby. A very lucrative hobby.

"I _am_ happy today, Mrs. Rachel. Will is making friends and finally got invited to a party. I slept really well last night and just woke up happy for once." She thought about her dream and smiled again as she hung her purse on the hook behind the counter, "It's going to be a good day. I just know it."

Mrs. Rachel squealed and clapped her hands together. "Isn't that wonderful! I hardly slept at all last night. I just worried about one thing and then another. I solved math problems in my sleep! Can you imagine?" She leaned over the counter and winked at Bella, "But now, you're happiness is rubbing off on me. Let's have some fun today!"

Bella nodded and giggled. She knew what was coming. Mrs. Rachel disappeared into the back room and soon the sounds of Jailhouse Rock blared out of the cheap dollar store speakers Mrs. Rachel's teenage nephew had hung up next to the ceiling. Because that was Mrs. Rachel's definition of fun: Elvis. Bella laughed and shook her head as she got to work.

Bella's main job was repairing and refinishing the furniture that Mrs. Rachel found at yard sales and flea markets. Sometimes Mrs. Rachel had definite ideas of what she wanted; dresser - painted white with little pink roses and ribbons stenciled around the edges. Other times, she handed it over to Bella to do with what she wanted. Those were the most fun. Today she was painting and distressing a set of old kitchen chairs. She'd known since the second she'd seen them what they needed to look like. Green with white distressing.

Bella stepped back and looked at the finished product. Perfect. They were perfect and Mrs. Rachel was going to make a fortune off them. She'd found them next to a dumpster at the trailer park and now she would sell them for hundreds. Mrs. Rachel's shop had a reputation with the wealthy people around. "_The_ _Dump_" was where you went for creative, up to date, trendy furnishings.

"Oh dear, they are lovely! Absolutely lovely! I knew you could make them look good! I just knew it!" Mrs. Rachel was beside herself with the finished product. Bella washed her hands at the nearby sink and waited.

"Are you sure you can't work full time?" Mrs. Rachel pleaded.

Bella grinned, feeling pleased with her ability to predict the older lady's response.

"Now, Mrs. Rachel. We've talked about this before. I don't want to be tied down to something full time. And besides," she added, putting her arm around Mrs. Rachel's shoulders, "you'd get tired of me after awhile. This way, you're always glad to see me!"

"You are a mess, girl. A mess!" She giggled at Bella and clapped her hands together. "Now when can they go out on the floor?"

They walked out of the work room onto the floor discussing the new chairs and the coming projects. When the bell over the front door rang, Bella glanced at the clock to see if it was time for Will, thankful yet again that they lived in such a small town where children could still walk to and from school. It was only two in the afternoon, an hour too early for Will, so she got to sketching the design for the new bedroom set they'd just gotten and let Mrs. Rachel handle the customers.

After a few minutes though, she heard raised voices and put down her pencil to go check it out.

"Yes, it will fit! It's not _that_ big, Edward." The blond drew his name out, putting emphasis on both d's. She had her hands on her hips and starting tapping a booted foot on the scuffed hardwoods.

Bella had no idea that her eyes had grown to the size of dinner plates and her mouth was hanging open. So this was the infamous wife. The one all the football moms hated. All her previous compassion for Coach Masen's poor, misunderstood wife flew out the window when she saw Edward pulling at his hair. She could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves.

She watched, fascinated, as he took a deep breath and turned to the shrew beside him, "Lauren," his voice was measured and even. "I measured that section of wall before we left the house. It's only 40 inches long. This cabinet is at least 44 inches. It. Won't. Fit."

"Whatever. What are you? Like some human measuring stick or something?" Lauren glared at Edward through narrowed eyes.

"I have a measuring tape if you want to borrow it," Bella said quietly. She saw Edward visibly jump at the sound of her voice.

Instead of answering, he just stared at her for a few seconds before dropping his eyes.

"Well, duh. Yes, we want to borrow it!" Lauren rolled her eyes before giving Bella the universal shoo-ing hand motion, "Go get it!"

Bella's mouth resumed its formerly gaping position at Lauren's gall. Who the hell did she think she was? She raised one eyebrow and looked Lauren right in the eye, "You forgot the magic word," she challenged with a smile.

Edward snorted softly and looked up at her from under his lashes, but Lauren narrowed her eyes and cocked her head to the side, "How 'bout '_Now'_?"

Bella grinned at her and clasped her hands together in front of her waist. "Nope. That's not it. Maybe you could try again." She was determined to force some civility out of this horrible woman before her.

Lauren tried to stare her down to no avail. She had to take a deep breath before she could even force a smile. The smile looked more like a snarl and the 'please' that edged out of Lauren's mouth must have tasted terrible judging by the look on her face when she said it. But once it was out, Bella responded with a cheerful, "Absolutely! I'll be right back!"

It took about ten seconds to retrieve the tape from her desk and be back beside the not-so happy couple. Edward's face was red and he had trouble making eye contact.

"Here you go!" She said and handed the measuring tape to Edward. She gave no indication that she even knew him. She didn't want to make it any worse for him.

"Thanks," he whispered and took from it from her, barely brushing his fingers over hers as he took it from her.

Bella felt horrible for him. She now understood what all the women were talking about. Lauren was mean. But Edward was lovely. So kind and open. And beautiful. The image from her dream of him hovering over her, his muscles clenching and releasing as he thrust into her, came unbidden to her mind. Heat flooded her face and chest as her body reacted. _Stop it! He's in the next room. With his Wife!_

And as if her thoughts had summoned him, Edward walked through the doorway holding out the measuring tape.

"Thanks. And sorry about that. Lauren can be a little," he grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose, "abrupt."

Bella couldn't make any sense out of it. If Edward was as great as he seemed to be, how could he stay with someone like that? Bella looked at him for a second and nodded slowly. "No problem."

But she puzzled over the problem for the rest of the day. If even half of what she'd heard about Lauren was true, then she was what her mother always called, "a real piece of work." She was unfaithful, inappropriate, mean, petty and arrogant. Why would someone stay with her?

But, on the other hand, who was she to talk? She had stayed married to a man who hit her, cursed her and thought good sex meant tying her up to something and fucking the hell out of her. And she had stayed. She had thought that if she was just be better, more beautiful, smarter, kinder, more patient, etc, then she could change him. Or save him. She knew now that was a load of crap. Until someone wanted to change there was nothing to be done. And if that person was intent on self-destructing, there was no glory in sticking around and being destroyed along with them.

The whole situation chewed away at her brain constantly. As Edward and Lauren left the store empty-handed because the cabinet was, indeed, too small, she pondered it. At the football game the next day, whenever Will wasn't on the field, Bella would catch herself watching Edward and try to figure it out.

What was Edward not understanding? Did he not know all the things Lauren did? Did he not care? Did he think it was his job to save her?

Finally, the night of the Pump It Up party, Bella pushed it out of her mind. She was not going to think about it another second. It wasn't her life, she told herself. She was not involved. She hardly even knew Edward. Not. Her. Problem.

The gymnasium sized building that housed the endless inflatables smelled vaguely of little kid stink and Clorox. Bella looked around and concluded there was not enough Clorox in the world to make this place truly sanitary. But Will was ecstatic. He was literally vibrating beside her as he waited in line to sign in.

Jason spotted him and shouted, "Will! Over here!"

Will waved back until Bella thought his wrist would break. "Can I go see Jason? Can I, Mom?"

"Sure. Go on over! But do not," she pulled his chin around to face her, "DO NOT go in the other room until I finish here! Do you understand?" She released his chin only after he nodded his understanding.

Bella sighed and wished Emmett had been home to bring him. The whole situation made her skin crawl. It was noisy and crowded and smelly and overheated. She almost wished that she smoked so she'd have an excuse to go outside for a bit.

She signed the waver, (which, incidentally did nothing for her confidence) and headed over to where Will was laughing with a small group of boys.

"Can we go now?" he asked.

Bella looked around the crowded lobby and tried to find a sense of order. She was relieved to spot a multi-colored sign on the wall that explained the procedures. After scanning it, she answered Will with a shake of her head. "Nope. Not yet. There's another party that has five more minutes in that room. When they come out, you guys can go in."

"Thanks for answering that question for them. They've only been told like a million times!" said a voice from beside her.

Bella looked over, and then down about five inches, to discover Jason's mother grinning at the boys with her hands on her hips.

Bella smiled at her and stuck out her hand, "Hi, I'm Will's mom."

"Hi, Will's Mom. I'm Jason's mom," the small, dark-haired woman said. "My driver's license says 'Alice' though." She shook Bella's hand and laughed. "You got a real name too?"

Bella couldn't help but like Alice and laughed along with her. "Lemme see. I used to have a real name but it's been so long since anyone's called me by it, I seem to have forgotten. Give me a second," she made a face and exclaimed, "I remember! My name's Bella." She laughed along with Alice and greeted her more formally, "Hi, Alice. My name is Bella Swan. It's so nice to finally meet you."

Alice bowed grandly and returned, "The pleasure is all mine!"

Before they could stop giggling, the bored teenaged attendant interrupted by telling the boys what the rules were, although no one seemed to be listening. Then he opened the double doors and there were cheers all around as all twenty boys poured into the play area. Within seconds, the lobby was virtually empty and Bella and Alice were still smiling.

"So. Nice party." Bella commented.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Not nice. Smelly and over-priced maybe. Nice? No." She grinned at Bella. "The only reason we're having this party is because Jason's dad is working in Singapore for three more months and I couldn't handle having twenty boys at my house without him as my reinforcement."

Bella couldn't hide her surprise. "Singapore? What does your husband do? If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"Not at all." Alice smiled up at her. "Want to help me set the tables while we talk?"

"Sure."

As they set paper plates and spoons out on the tables, Alice explained, "Jasper, my husband, works for Georgia Tech. And as odd as it may seem, Georgia Tech is setting up an engineering school in Singapore. They already have one in South Korea you know."

Bella handed Alice the extra plates and reached for a stack of napkins. "I had no idea."

Alice nodded, "Oh sure. There are a lot of American universities that are setting up schools in other countries. So anyway, Jasper is the Assistant Provost, so it was his job to oversee it. He's been there for three months already and I might die of heartbreak if I don't see him soon."

Bella patted Alice's hand and frowned, "It sounds awful."

Alice forced a smile. "It's not so bad, I guess. He's getting paid a small fortune and when he gets home, he gets six weeks off. We're taking Jason to Disney and putting the rest of the money in his college fund. It will be worth it."

Bella nodded and smiled, "Well, that's something at least."

"What about you?" Alice wiggled her eyebrows, "Are you married? Got a guy?"

Bella chuckled. "Nope. And I am _so_ okay with that!"

"Bad break-up?"

"You could say that. He died in a plane crash." When she saw the look of horror creeping over Alice's face, she blurted out, "Which wasn't really a bad thing. He was a horrible person."

Bella felt the blush burning her cheeks and wondered why in the world she said that. She'd never said that to anyone! She was amazed when Alice started laughing. Not a polite little chuckle but a full out belly laugh. Bella watched her, startled at first, before she, too, started laughing and couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry," Alice gasped. "That's horrible. But the way you said it. Oh my gosh. So funny!"

Bella hiccupped and wiped at her eyes. "I have never said that to a living soul before. I can't believe I told you that!"

Alice grinned at her, "Was it true?" When Bella nodded, so did Alice. "Then you should have said it."

Bella smile spread and her heart lifted. Alice Whitlock was the bomb and Bella loved her. She wanted to be her friend and again, completely out of character, said so.

"I like you Alice. You wanna be my friend?"

Alice giggled. "I like you too Bella. And yes, I would love to be your friend."

"Well how cute are you two?"

Bella felt herself blush again when she looked up and into Edward's smiling green eyes.

"Shutee, Edwardo. She's my new friend and there's nothing you can do about it! So there!" And with that Alice stuck her tongue out at her brother like she was ten years old and not the _mother_ of a ten year old.

Bella giggled again and came to stand beside her new friend, linking elbows. "Yeah."

Edward smiled at them and rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He chuckled as he watched them, "I think I'm going to be the grown up here and go check on the boys. Carry on!" He saluted as he turned around and left.

Bella broke out into laughter with Alice again and thanked God that Emmett hadn't been available tonight. She could see very good things in her future for the first time in ages. She squeezed Alice's arm.

"What else needs to be done?"

**A/N – So you like Bella's dream? I know I did. **

**It looks like Bella's starting to look at Edward as a real person, flaws and all, instead of as a sex god. That's always a good thing.**

**And yes, there are really jobs like Jasper's out there. I know a guy. **

**Sorry it took me longer to post, RL got in the way. Next chapter is in the works. I'd like to post in before Thursday, that's Thanksgiving here in America. It's the day we thank God for being able to eat until we're sick and not have to feel guilty about it! **

**Make my day and review please! I love reading what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Although I adore all things Twilight, I make no money from them because they belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

**I think Edward needs to grow a set. And from the reviews, so do you. Let's see what can be done about that, shall we? But remember, baby steps. **

Bella was a mystery to Edward. An enigma. At practice, she was a dedicated mother. At work, she was creative and independent. With Alice, she seemed vibrant and silly. But underneath it all, she was the same. She was just herself. Edward liked that.

But he would never forget the look of sadness and disappointment on her face the day he and Lauren went to the shop where she worked. When she had looked at him, he felt sure she was seeing every weakness, every chink in his carefully constructed armor. And that, he thought bitterly, he decidedly did _not_ like. Bella made him look at himself through new eyes. And he didn't like what he saw.

When he looked at himself from her perspective, he looked weak, pussy-whipped and miserable. The sad part was that was exactly what he was. Bella, he feared, was the only person to really see that.

He was startled and amused when he'd walked in on Bella and Alice's declarations of friendship. It was just so damn cute. And just what his sister needed. With Jasper gone and her friend Vanessa now living in Utah, Alice had been more lonely than Edward had ever seen her. He thought Bella would be good for her.

Edward checked on the boys and then slipped outside. He walked across the parking lot to the grassy lot where he leaned against the fence and looked out at the darkening sky. The sun was starting to set and the sky was orange and blue.

Edward remembered stretching out on the pier at the lake with Alice when they were kids and watching the sunset. They would swim and ski all day and then lie on the pier after supper and feel the water lifting them up and down. He and Alice had their best conversations at sunset. He smiled at the memory and wished with all his heart that he could go back in time and change his life.

"Penny for your thoughts," Alice whispered from behind him just before wrapping her arms around his waist.

He smiled and put his hands over hers. "Actually," his voice barely audible, "I was just thinking about you. About how we used to lay on the pier after swimming all day and talk and talk." He felt Alice hum against his back. "I miss that." When Alice squeezed his middle, he whispered, "I miss you."

"You still have me Eddie. I'm right here."

"I know, but I'm not. I've messed everything up and I don't know how to fix it." He looked down at their joined hands and gave hers a squeeze. "I hate my life, Allie."

To Edward's utter amazement, his sister started to laugh. He grinned in confusion and pulled her hands away so he could turn around and ask why. But when he turned around, he couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying. She was smiling, but her eyes were sad and she had tears streaming down her cheeks.

He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe her eyes. "Are you laughing?"

Alice nodded at him, her big eyes still full of tears.

"Are you crying?" Edward whispered.

Again Alice nodded. "I'm so sorry you hate your life Edward. But I'm so glad to hear you finally admit it." She took a deep breath in through her nose and gave him a watery smile, "You've never admitted before. You closed yourself off from everyone, even me."

Edward's stomach was in knots; his guilt eating away at his insides. Was there one person in his life he hadn't hurt? "I'm sorry, Allie." He swiped at her tears again. "So sorry."

Alice's response was to throw herself into his arms. "It's alright. I love you. I just… love you." She squeezed until Edward thought she would hurt herself.

He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet in a bear hug. "I love you too." He held her for another minute before asking, "Mind if I stay out here for a bit? I can't stand the thoughts of going back in there right this second."

Alice giggled, "Not a bit. Stay as long as you want." She let him go and stepped away, wiping her face on the underside of her shirt. She patted his chest and turned back toward the building. When she was almost to the door, she twirled around to face him. "But don't you dare leave without saying good-bye!"

Edward nodded and smiled. "Got it!"

"And don't leave me in there all alone when it's time for cake!"

Edward chuckled, "I won't!"

She gave him a thumb's up and then skipped inside. He turned back to the fence and looked up, waiting for the first star to appear. Because Edward wanted to make a wish.

~O~

Edward watched Bella for the rest of the party. She and Alice acted like they had been friends for years instead of hours. They worked together without words as they took care of almost two dozen pre-teen boys. When it came time to open gifts, it was Bella who gathered up all the trash and stacked all the gifts on a table while Alice took pictures and enjoyed Jason's party. It made Edward smile to see it.

The next week brought Edward a reprieve. Lauren was at the beach with some friends for over a week. Edward had the house and his life to himself for the first time in ages. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

For the first time in his life, Edward allowed himself to think about what he wanted. He made goals for himself. He made lists. And he booked an appointment with a marriage counselor. And a therapist.

There was part of him that wanted to make an appointment with a divorce lawyer. But he knew he would always feel guilty if he did. He hated divorce. He hated the very thought of it. And even though he was afraid that was where his marriage was headed, he still wanted to try to do everything in his power to do the right thing.

Football practice was a sweet torture. Bella was there every night, watching Will and he thought, sometimes, watching him. He continued to sneak glances her way and tried to find reasons to speak to her. He even touched her shoulder once as he walked past her. His fingertips tingled every time he thought about it. He had no idea why he would torture himself like he did. All he knew was that he couldn't stay away from her.

By Friday evening, as he sat at his dining room table eating salmon, something Lauren refused to let him cook when she was home, he was so relaxed and happy he caught himself humming. He looked around his over-decorated, ridiculous-looking house and wanted some company. He grinned when he had an idea. Leaving his half-eaten fish on the table, he put his plan into action.

Two hours later, Alice answered her phone.

"Hey, sis. I was wondering if Jason wanted to come spend the night with me tonight."

There was silence for a few seconds before Alice asked, "Edward? Is that you?"

"Har-Har-Har. You're so funny. Answer the question, shrimp. Can Jason spend the night tonight?"

"At your house?"

Edward blinked. "Um, yes. At my house."

"You do realize he's never done that before. Do you even have anything there for him to do?" Alice sounded confused.

"Yes, Allie, I realize that. That's why I'm calling." He shifted the phone to his other shoulder as he struggled with a box, "Lauren's out of town for three more days and I just bought this new xBox 360 but I don't know how to use it. I figured he would."

He smiled when he heard her giggling, "Um. Hang on, let me think a second. Hmm. Will's over here playing. They're riding bikes right now."

"He can come too," Edward offered.

He heard her cover the phone and talk to someone but he couldn't make out what she was saying. After a minute she came back on the line, "Bella said it's fine with her if Will comes. But she'll come get him at bedtime. If that's okay with you."

Edward's mouth dried up at the sound of Bella's name. "Yeah," he stopped to clear his throat, "Sure. That's fine with me. Can I come now and pick them up?"

Twenty minutes later, he was pulling into his sister's driveway with sweaty palms. Jason and Will jumped up from their seats on the porch and waved. Edward smiled and waved back as he got out of his Jeep.

"Hi, guys! You ready?"

"Yes sir!" Jason grabbed his duffle bag and both boys ran for the Jeep.

"Let me just run in and say something to your mothers. Be right back!" He took the front steps two at a time and pushed open the door. "Alice?"

"In the kitchen!"

Alice and Bella were on opposite sides of the small island chopping vegetables and laughing. Bella saw Edward first and smiled her welcome. He couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across his face at the sight of her.

"Hi ladies! Whatcha doin'?" He stuck his hands in the front pocket of his jeans and walked over.

Alice giggled, "Well… we decided that since we didn't have to feed any carnivores tonight, we would make a fancy salad!" She pointed to the bowls on the counter, "Mandarin oranges, cranberries, sugar roasted pecans, feta cheese." She nodded her head in Bella's direction as she resumed slicing a purple onion, "And Bella's going to make a homemade vinaigrette dressing!"

Edward pursed his lips and nodded his head, "Yep. Girl food. Nice. Good for you."

Alice and Bella laughed and kept working. "Hey, I came in to check and see if it's okay with you if I take the top off the Jeep. The boys will love it."

Alice nodded and looked at Bella, "It's fine with me. Bella?"

Bella bit her lip and looked at Edward for a long second before answering, "You'll be careful?"

He grinned down and her and nodded. She sighed, "Okay. As long as you're careful."

Bella jumped a little when he clapped his hands together. "Great! You ladies have fun eating your plants. I'll see you later!" And without even thinking, he gave Bella a side hug and Alice a wink before he jogged out to the Jeep where two very hyper boys squealed when he started unsnapping the Jeep's cover.

~O~

"_Oh God, Edward. That's amazing. Don't stop. Please." Bella's voice was barely above a whisper as she writhed beneath him. He had one nipple caught between his lips and flicked it gently with his tongue. His hand massaged her other breast while his thumb rubbed lightly over the tip. Bella's breath caught and then released on a moan._

_He moved down her naked body to where she was waxed bare. He opened his mouth and layered open mouth kisses over her lips. _

"_Oh, God! Edward!" She grabbed his hair and pushed his face deeper into her folds. He licked and teased and tasted. He sucked on her clit as he pushed two fingers into her tightness. When he felt her tightening around his fingers, he thought he would come in his pants he was so close. He felt Bella's fingers gently touching his hip. He reached down to guide her hand closer to his cock…_

Edward woke up with a start. He realized the sensation at his hip was his phone vibrating in his pocket. He looked around the living room as he dug the phone out to answer it. There was popcorn every where along with pizza boxes and empty soda cans. Both boys were still playing video games and high fiving each other.

"Hello?" he answered, his voice gravelly from sleep.

"Um, Coach Masen? I mean, Edward?"

Edward shot straight up on the couch and ran his hand through his hair. "Bella?"

Her voice sounded unsure, "Yes. I'm here. I mean, I'm at your front door. Alice gave me directions."

Edward glanced at the clock on the DVR. It was almost midnight. He hopped up and ran up the stairs. He still had the phone at his ear when he opened the door to Bella on the other side. He just stood there looking at her like an idiot.

She slid her phone into her pocket and smiled shyly up at him. "Sorry. I know it's late, but Alice and I watched a movie and I just lost track of the time. I knocked, but obviously you couldn't hear me. Is Will still awake?"

Following her lead, Edward snapped his phone shut and stuck it in his back pocket. "Yeah. He's still playing." He realized after a quiet moment that Bella was still on the porch and he was blocking the doorway. He stepped back quickly, "Come on in. Sorry." He rubbed his chin. "I fell asleep on the couch. I'm a little groggy."

Bella just giggled at him, "I figured." She pointed at his head, "You hair…" She didn't finish but Edward could see her blush.

He reached up and ran his hands through his hair, trying to get it to lay down. It wouldn't of course. He knew he was still staring but he couldn't help it. She was as beautiful as in his dream and he could still taste her on his tongue. He turned around so fast he almost knocked a picture off the wall. Damn. He was an idiot.

"This way. The boys. They're down here." He stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to adjust his cock without her noticing. "Sorry about the mess."

He glanced over his shoulder at her as she descended the stairs behind him. "They had a good time though."

The boys were in the same spot where he'd left them.

"Will." Bella called from the doorway. He didn't even twitch.

"Will!" Nothing.

"William Charles!" Will jumped up and dropped the controller.

"Yes, ma'am?" He blinked in confusion and rubbed his eyes. "Oh, hey Mom. When did you get here?"

Edward couldn't help the chuckle that escaped when he saw Will's response. He remembered having the same response to his own mother when he was that age. He tried to suppress his grin as he turned to look at Bella. She turned her head to the side and winked.

"I've been calling and calling." She grinned down at her son as he stumbled over to her. "Have fun?"

Instead of answering, he yawned and nodded. "Loads. Can I just finish this one level? We're almost done." His mother narrowed her eyes but didn't say no right away. He knew he had the advantage. "Please!" he begged.

Bella looked over at Edward to see what he thought. At his shrug, she nodded and sighed, "Okay. Finish this last level. Then we go. It's really late, buddy."

"Yes!" Will fist pumped and raced back to the tv.

Bella leaned against the doorway to wait, but Edward had other ideas. "Would you like a cup of coffee while they finish up?"

She looked up at him and bit her lip, a sign he was beginning to suspect meant she was thinking.

"Come on Bella! Just one little cup!" Edward whined.

Bella couldn't help but laugh. "Fine! But just one." She held a finger up close to his nose. "It's late, you know!"

"Come on. It's this way." On impulse he took her hand and led her back up the stairs. It made him smile when she didn't pull her hand away immediately.

She sat on the stool at the counter while he got the coffee brewing and set out cups.

"So, you have a nice house." She stated. He wondered if she felt awkward sitting in his house in the middle of the night.

"Thanks. I'm thankful. I don't like it all that much but I'm thankful." He pulled the creamer out of the refrigerator and put it on the counter in front of Bella. "You like sugar in your coffee?"

Bella nodded but didn't answer. She had that look on her face again. Like she could see all of his secrets. He had to look away; it was too much. He glanced up at her from under his lashes, hoping she had looked away. She hadn't. She was still looking at him with her brows furrowed together.

"What?" he finally asked.

"Hmm?" Bella blinked once and looked away blushing. "Sorry."

They said nothing else while Edward poured their coffee and brought the cups over to the bar. Bella murmured her thanks and took the cup between both hands. Edward took a sip and racked his brain for something to say. Football? No, too boring. Work? No, it brought about thoughts of Lauren. Wait. Why was he even thinking about this? He was married. To Lauren. Shit.

"Can I ask you something?" Bella's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

He rubbed his face with his hand and turned to look at her with a weak smile. "Sure."

Instead of asking, Bella looked at him again. For several long seconds. "You've made a couple of comments that got me thinking." She paused and sipped her coffee. When she continued, it was much softer, "Why do you stay?"

Edward knew exactly what she was talking about. But he had no idea how to answer. No one had ever asked him. And he had never asked himself. He started to play dumb, or ask her what she meant, but he couldn't do it. He looked back at her and debated with himself. Before he had decided which approach to take, he found himself answering honestly.

"Guilt."

Bella nodded and looked into her coffee. He expected her to ask more questions or tell him he was being ridiculous or stupid. But instead she responded, "I thought so."

Edward had no way of responding. He hardly knew his own heart on this subject, and definitely not enough to talk about it. But he was curious.

"You did?"

She nodded, still looking into her cup. She glanced up at him and whispered, "Takes one to know one."

Edward was undone. She took one look into his heart and not only did not condemn him, but gave him the gift of empathy. He wanted to tell her everything. Come clean and purge himself of the guilt he carried. He wanted to run away from her and never look back. He wanted to kiss her for seeing into his soul.

He went with the kiss.

**A/N **

**Damn. A little cliffie. But it's very late and I have a bazillion things to do in the morning before my house is invaded with family. If I keep going here, I'll be up all night. **

**So Edward sprouts a tiny new set of balls. But what will happen when wifey comes home? **

**Review purdy please. I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas! **

**Next update as soon as I can.**


	7. Chapter 7

Bella sat frozen on the kitchen stool. She could feel Edward's breath on her cheek and the softness of his lips against her own. She could smell him, feel him, taste him. It was overwhelming. Especially considering that she hadn't been kissed in almost a decade. And that kiss had been James' punishment for her rather than an act of love.

For a brief moment, she let the beautiful sensation of it flow over her like water. She breathed him in and sighed softly. She wanted him to never stop. She wanted, with all of her heart, for this to be right. But the moment passed and she knew it wasn't right. He was married and no matter how horrible his wife was, sharing this kiss was wrong.

She turned her head away, breaking contact. She could feel his breath on her neck as he dropped his head down, not touching her anymore. She wanted to cry for the sweetness of the kiss but also for the impossibility of the situation.

"I'm sorry," Edward breathed. He reached out and placed his hand beside her own on the counter, not fully touching her, just brushing against her skin. "I shouldn't have done that."

Bella nodded and kept her eyes closed. She swallowed heavily and tried to control her breathing. She pressed her lips tightly together and took a deep breath through her nose, but she could feel the tears leak out of the corners of her eyes.

"Oh God. Please, don't cry," he whispered.

She felt his fingers on her cheek as he wiped her tears away. She opened her eyes and looked up at his face. She wanted to sob; he was so beautiful.

Edward's face was a study in pain and grief. "Everyone I touch, I hurt. I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Bella looked into his eyes and tried to smile to reassure him. She shook her head and reached up to take his hands from her cheeks. "You didn't hurt me Edward. I'll be okay."

He studied her face with furrowed brows. She could see the small specks of gold in the depths of the green of his eyes. "Why are you crying?"

It never occurred to Bella to lie to him. "Because it was so beautiful; I've never been kissed with such tenderness before."

Edward smiled a sweet smile. "You're so beautiful, Bella."

She looked down at their joined hands, "And I cried because it broke my heart. Edward, you're married."

Instead of letting go of her the way she expected, he squeezed more tightly. She could sense, more than see, him nod. They sat in silence for several minutes, listening to their breaths and clinging to the other's hands.

"When you said what you did a minute ago, about it taking one to know one; what did you mean?" His voice was strained, like he was trying not to cry.

Bella licked her lips and struggled for an answer. "I just meant," she let go of one of his hands and held her coffee cup, "I know what it's like to live your life motivated by guilt. To never feel free or good or whole. To always feel like you come up short." She looked into her coffee searching for the words. Hoping they would come out right. "I know what it's like to live with someone who doesn't love you and yet you're always hoping that you can _be_ enough or do the right thing that will change everything."

She looked up into his face. "I don't think it ever works. I don't think anyone can change someone else. No matter how hard they try. They have to change themselves."

Bella held Edward's gaze and tried to decide if she'd said too much. If maybe he thought she should mind her own business.

Before she could decide, before he had time to answer, the familiar sound of stampeding boys came thundering up the stairs. Edward dropped her hand and moved to the sink just as the boys came into the kitchen.

"I totally schooled you and you know it!" Jason laughed.

"No freakin' way! I was one life away from kicking your butt!" Will laughed and pushed Jason into the refrigerator door, making them both laugh.

Bella watched their playing and smiled. At least she had given her son a life free from worry and guilt. Because of her choices, she knew he could just be a boy. She pushed her stool away from the bar and spoke to Will.

"What do you say to Coach Masen?" she prompted.

"Thank you for letting me come over with Jason to play. It was cool!"

Edward smiled down at Will and patted his shoulder. "No problem. And thanks for helping me set up my gaming stuff. I couldn't have done it without you!"

Will smiled, very pleased with the praise. "It was easy. I helped Uncle Emmett set his up so I knew what to do. Call me if you run into problems."

Bella genuinely smiled at Will's attempt to sound grown-up. "Okay. Let's go. It's very late!" She wrapped her arm around her son's shoulders and led him toward the door. "We'll see you tomorrow evening, Jason."

As she opened the front door, she turned to look at Edward who was walking behind them to the door. "Good night, Coach Masen. Thanks for taking care of my boy."

Edward smiled sadly at her. She wondered what he was thinking. He was watching her like he was afraid this was the last time he would ever see her again. "It was all my pleasure Ms. Swan. I'd love to do it again sometime."

Bella gave him a quick wave and loaded Will up in the car without saying anything else.

~O~

"Spill it." 

Bella kept washing the dishes but glanced up at Alice in surprise. "What do you mean?"

Alice used the dish towel in her hand to dry the counter behind her and bounced up to sit on it. "I mean that every time the conversation lulls, you float away. What's going on? Are you okay?"

Bella smiled at her and rinsed the dinner plate before handing it to her friend. "I didn't realize that I was floating. Sorry." She grinned, trying to deflect.

"Haha. Nice try." She took the plate and started drying. "You seem off today. Like whatever's in your head is sad."

Bella sighed and pulled the plug in the sink. She watched the water swirl down the drain and rinsed the suds away with cold water from the sprayer. "I'm not sure Alice. I feel out of sorts today. Just … I don't know." She shrugged and put the sprayer away, turning off the water.

"You want to talk about it?" Alice offered. "It might make you feel better."

Bella wrinkled her nose. "I don't want to dump all my garbage on you Alice. I don't want to scare you away."

Alice hopped down from the counter and put her hands on her hips. "Gee thanks, Bella. Is that what you really think of me? That I'll just drop you for being real with me?"

Bella smiled with relief. "Well… we're still new friends and I know that sometimes too much heavy can scare people away."

Alice took Bella's hand and led her into the living room, away from the noise of their boys playing Lego's in Will's room. When they were settled on the sofa facing each other Alice nodded her head, "Like I said before, spill it."

Bella grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it to herself. "I think I'm lonely." She looked up at Alice and clarified, "Not for friends. I'm so thankful for you. Really. But I'm realizing that I'm lonely for you know, someone to share everything with."

"Like a man." Alice stated, prompting her friend to continue.

Bella nodded and picked at the fringe of the pillow in her lap.

"What happened with your husband?" Alice asked. When Bella looked at her and smiled, she added, "What? I can't ask?"

"I'm glad you did. Only a true friend would." She stretched a foot out to poke Alice's leg. Alice smiled back and raised her eyebrows waiting for an answer.

"He died in a plane crash, but you already knew that." She looked down. "He was messed up. He was so sweet to me when we met. I was just a kid and he was so handsome and popular and rich. And he acted like he really loved me. He convinced me that we should get married. I was only sixteen." She heard Alice gasp and looked up.

"How could your father let you do that? You were almost a baby."

"My dad was completely out of it after my mom left. He got really depressed and started drinking. And then Emmett graduated and went off to college. When I told my dad that James and I wanted to get married, I think he was relieved. He wanted to self-destruct and me being there hindered him. He was so broken." She twisted the fringe together in a little knot. "So, I got my dad to sign the form and I dropped out of school and got married." She shrugged and smiled a sad smile.

Alice knew something more happened. "Was he good to you?" When Bella shook her head, Alice asked, "He was mean to you?"

She waited for Bella to respond. When she did, her voice was barely a whisper. "On our wedding night, James got really mad when I cried because it hurt. He thought I just needed to get used to it. So…" She took a deep breath, "he tied me to the bed for three days and only let me up to go to the bathroom. He … he raped me over and over. Maybe twenty times over the course of three days."

She looked up at Alice, who was crying, "It took me a long time in therapy before I could call it that. Rape. For a long time I felt like that it was my fault. Because that's what James told me. That he wouldn't have had to do that if I had just tried harder."

Alice wiped her face on her sleeve. "How long were you married to him?"

"Almost two years." She scooted over to sit next to Alice and put Alice's head on her shoulder.

"Did he, do _that_ again?"

Bella shook her head. "No. Well, not much. Most of the time I tried really hard to please him. I would just do whatever he said. It made life easier."

"Did he hit you?" Alice whispered as she played with the fingers of Bella's left hand.

"Sometimes," Bella whispered. She couldn't help remembering instances of trying to please James. Like the time they were sitting in the balcony of his parent's church and he unzipped his pants under cover of his overcoat and made her give him a hand job during the sermon. Or the time he fucked her in the bathroom at her grandmother's funeral when she was already seven months pregnant. Countless times that he had tried to humiliate her or hurt her.

Alice's voice called her out of her memories. "And you're lonely?" She chuckled. "I don't know that I would ever want a man again after that!"

Bella smiled and squeezed Alice's hand. "I know. I must be crazy."

Alice bumped shoulders with her and smiled also, "Nah. I was just kidding. The heart wants what it wants, right?"

Bella nodded and continued to think. "I guess after all this time, I'm hoping that I could make the jump. I mean, I know that not all men are like James. They're not all overbearing, sick, sadistic bastards." It felt empowering to call James those things. It made Bella and Alice both smile.

She thought of Edward and wondered if his guilt and hope of redemption classified him as being weak. If so, then she was also weak. Hadn't she let James ruin her life for years? Even letting her fear keep her from other relationships?

But now, she knew she felt stronger. Maybe there was strength there that no one else could see. Maybe she was stronger than she knew. And if she was, maybe Edward was too.

Bella propped her feet up on the coffee table and wiggled her toes. "Come on, Alice. Let's talk about something else. Anything else, as long as it's not me." She cocked her head back to look at Alice. "Anything bothering _you_?"

Alice wiggled her legs out from under her and mimicked Bella's pose by propping her feet up. "Not really. Well, nothing new anyway. Missing Jazz. Trying to keep up at work. Worrying about Edward."

Bella's heart thumped and she wondered if Alice could hear it. "Why do you worry about your brother?" She couldn't bring herself to say his name.

Alice shrugged. "Cause he's miserable. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

Bella crossed her ankles and reached for the throw pillow again. "Why is he so unhappy, do you think?" 

Alice growled and flexed her feet. "Because he married a manipulative whore who somehow manages to keep him chained to her." She huffed and snatched Bella's pillow out of her arms only to throw it across the room. "It makes me crazy!"

Bella laughed, "Hey! No hatin' on my favorite pillow."

Alice laughed with her and hopped off the couch to retrieve it. "I know. I get so … amped when I talk about it!" She paused to stomp her foot. "She uses him and hurts him and makes him think that somehow it's all his fault." She paused, standing in front of the couch looking down at Bella. "Kind of like what you were talking about. Just like that." She plopped down next to Bella. "So how do I help him?"

Bella felt a moment of panic. How could she answer that?

"I mean, would you have left if he hadn't died?" Alice probed.

Bella nodded. "The night he left, when he was flying to California, as soon as he left, I called Emmett and asked him to come get Will and I." At Alice's look of amazement she continued, "I had documented the instances of abuse in a journal and had moved a lot of our savings into a new checking account."

"But why? What gave you the courage to finally do it?" Alice asked.

Bella took her friend's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I had finally had enough. I was done. He forced himself on me one night when Will was crying to nurse. I laid there, making all the right noises and listened to my baby cry for almost an hour. After that, I started planning." She plumped the pillow in her lap. "I talked to Emmett. I told him I was thinking about leaving. Told him I might need help." She smiled at the memory. "He told me whenever I was ready to call." She glanced over at Alice and grinned, "He always hated James."

She took a deep breath and shrugged, "In other words, you let Edward know that you're on his side, that you'll support his decision. And then you wait. Wait for him to get fed up. Then you will be the first one he calls."

Alice nodded decisively, "Got it. Talk to him about it. I try not to. I try to avoid it. But I want him to be free."

"Then make sure he knows that you love him."

~O~

By the next day Bella was even more out of sorts. The thoughts of seeing Edward made her stomach churn. She knew that he was unhappy and looking for a way out. And as much as she dreamed about him and relived their kiss over and over again, she did not want to be his way out. She wanted him to leave because he had the right to happiness and to be treated with love and respect. Not because he wanted to get in someone's, namely her, pants.

So she feigned a migraine and called Emmett. And the next night she worked it out with Alice to have Will ride home from school and then to practice with Jason. When Alice asked if Bella needed Edward to bring Will home after, she was afraid she responded too quickly.

"No! I mean, that's okay. I'll come get him. No big deal." She smiled convincingly.

But when Emmett called her on Tuesday afternoon to ask if Will had practice, Bella was relieved and had him pick him up. And since Alice took the day off Thursday for the boys' field trip, she offered to take Will to the field and then bring him home. Bella had managed to go almost a week without having to see Edward again.

Maybe she was the world's worst coward, maybe she was being silly; but when Edward kissed her, it was like her whole world shifted on its foundation. She wanted him more than she knew she should. She dreamed about him at night and woke up with her body humming in a way that could only be relieved one way.

Bella had never felt so horny in her life. Sex had been something she'd lived gladly without. But when she thought of Edward, her body had a mind of its own. She'd even gone so far as to look online at vibrators, but hadn't had the guts to actually order anything. She just took care of herself the old fashioned way, with her handheld shower massage.

Saturday, she and Will spent the day over at Alice and Jason's just hanging out. It was wonderful to have a friend who knew all of her baggage and history. She could relax and be herself.

They were just putting burgers on the grill when the phone rang. Alice looked down at the number and squealed like a teenage girl.

Bella grinned, "Let me guess; Jasper?"

Alice never answered, she just skipped into her room and shut the door. Bella was a good enough friend to take care of the boys and give Alice some 'alone' time with her husband.

They were just sitting down to eat when the front door opened and Bella heard a voice that made her heart start pounding.

"Alice? Jason?"

Jason dropped his burger and ran towards the sound of his uncle's voice. "Edward!"

When they walked back into the kitchen, Jason was hanging upside down by his ankles and laughing his head off. Will dropped his food and ran over to them.

"Do me! Do me!" he called.

Edward flipped Jason right side up so fast Bella gasped in fear, but Edward was too busy swinging Will upside down to notice. After a minute, Bella called them back to the table to finish their food.

"Have you eaten yet? You want a burger?" she asked politely.

Edward stood beside the table with his hands in his front pocket and looked at her steadily. He pursed his lips and thought for a minute. "Sure. Why not?"

Lunch was awkward at best. It would have been excruciating if not for the presence of the boys. Bella couldn't think of a single thing to say to him that didn't involve either blurting out how to escape an abuser or asking him to rip her clothes off. She glanced at Alice's bedroom door for the hundredth time.

Edward must have noticed. "Jasper make his weekly call?"

Bella almost choked on her iced tea. As she coughed, she nodded.

Edward grinned, "That's why I'm here. I try to come over every week to hang out with Jason and give them time to… um, _talk_."

"Should we turn on background noise or something?" Bella whispered.

Edward laughed, "Nah. There's never been a problem before."

After lunch, and thirty minutes after Alice's phone rang, Bella and Edward were cleaning the kitchen and there was still no sign of Alice.

"Does it usually take this long?" Bella asked while she and Edward were putting the lettuce and tomatoes into zipper bags to put in the fridge.

"You mean their phone sex?" he asked.

Bella blushed to the roots of her hair and nodded.

"No, not usually. They must have some catching up to do." He took Bella's bag from her and set it down. He turned his back to the counter and looked down at her face, "Why do I get the feeling that you're avoiding me?"

Bella reached behind him and grabbed the food and put it away. She leaned against the opposite counter and looked at her feet. "Maybe because I am."

Edward's smile faded as he took in what she said. "Why?"

She glanced up at him before looking back down. "Because you kissed me and you're married."

"Was it that horrible?" he asked softly.

Bella shook her head. "No, it was the exact opposite."

She heard him walk towards her and looked at his sneakers when he was directly in front of her. He used his finger to lift her chin. "Then you liked it?"

Bella's face hardened, "That's not the point. You. Are. Married."

"But if I wasn't?" he asked.

Bella turned to look out the window, anywhere but into his eyes. "I don't know." She could feel Edward's thumb tracing her bottom lip and knew she should tell him to keep his hands to himself. She should get Will and go home.

But what she wanted to do was let him kiss her again. Let him do whatever he wanted to do to her. She had the feeling it would feel better than nice.

She looked down again, trying to get control of herself. She would have too, if she hadn't spotted the enormous bulge behind the zipper of his jeans. Her eyes were transfixed by the sight of him, hard for her. She heard his breathing speed up and knew that he had seen what she was looking at.

Bella's finger's itched to reach out and touch him through his jeans. She ached to pull down his zipper and see what he looked like. What he felt like in her hand. Her mind, on the other hand, was screaming at her to run away.

Just as Edward started reaching for her, Bella heard Alice's bedroom door open. She turned and fled the other direction and locked herself into the hall bathroom.

_What am I going to do? _She kept asking herself_. What the hell am I going to do?_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N **

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. Which makes me sad, but it's true. **

**For some reason, I always forget to write the disclaimer. Grrr. I just get caught up in the story, I guess. Sorry it was so long between updates, RL and all. (that and all 4 of my kids have had the flu!) Anyways, here's the next chapter. I hope you like it! **

_Last Chapter:_

_What she wanted to do was let him kiss her again. Let him do whatever he wanted to do to her. She had the feeling it would feel better than nice. _

_She looked down again, trying to get control of herself. She would have too, if she hadn't spotted the enormous bulge behind the zipper of his jeans. Her eyes were transfixed by the sight of him, hard for her. She heard his breathing speed up and knew that he had seen what she was looking at. _

_Bella's fingers itched to reach out and touch him through his jeans. She ached to pull down his zipper and see what he looked like. What he felt like in her hand. Her mind, on the other hand, was screaming at her to run away. _

_Just as Edward started reaching for her, Bella heard Alice's bedroom door open. She turned and fled the other direction and locked herself into the hall bathroom. _

_What am I going to do? She kept asking herself. What the hell am I going to do?_

_Holy Shit, _Edward thought. His cock was straining against his zipper at just the sight of her and then she goes at stares at it. He could hear her breath start to come faster and he saw her fingers twitch. _She wants to touch me. _The thought made it hard to control himself. He was reaching for her hand to press it against his arousal when Alice decided _now_ was the best time to make her reappearance. _Dammit._

Edward watched Bella run away. He wanted to follow her and make sure she was okay. But instead he stood in the kitchen fighting himself. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to protect her, make her laugh and be her friend; no strings attached. But there was also the part of him that just wanted to fuck her brains out. Like right now. Follow her into the bathroom and bend her over the vanity.

_No, _he thought. He needed to get himself under control and apologize. What was he, an animal? She was right; no matter how attracted he was to her, he was married. The thought made him angry. He didn't want to be married. He wanted to be free to pursue Bella the way he wanted. But he also wanted to do the right thing for the first time in his adult life.

Edward shook his head to clear it and decided to apologize as soon as possible. But for the time being, he could hear Alice humming happily as she approached the kitchen. He had just enough time to turn toward the breakfast bar and use the counter to hide his still raging erection before she bounced into the kitchen.

"Sorry it took so long. We had a lot to _discuss_. He …" Alice stopped short and her smile faded when she saw Edward in her kitchen but no sign of Bella. "Where's Bella? She didn't leave did she?"

Edward smiled, "No. She's in the bathroom." When Alice narrowed her eyes at him, he asked quickly, "How's Jazz?"

"He's fine. Why are you here?" she asked without a pause.

Edward smiled innocently at his sister. "It's Saturday. I always come over on Saturdays."

"But I called you. I left you a message." Alice realized that she sounded like she was accusing him of something, when really she felt her heart swelling with hope that maybe he was there for another reason. Maybe he needed a place to stay because he was leaving Lauren.

Edward narrowed his eyes and looked at her face, trying to figure out what was going on. Was she suspicious that he was only there in the hopes of seeing Bella? His cock was still throbbing from having Bella so close. He willed it down with all his might. "Sorry. I never got your message," he lied. "So how's Jasper? Making it okay?"

Alice forced a smile at him and nodded. "He's okay. Less than three months now." She sat down at the table and took a bite of the burger Bella had left out for her. "So… how's Lauren?" She wiped her mouth on her napkin and avoided his eyes.

Edward's erection died a quick death. It had taken all of his resolve this week to deal with the insanity that was his wife. She had been a day late getting home from her trip and never thought to call and let him know. Typical Lauren behavior. And as soon as she had walked in the door, she'd started rubbing at him and pawing him like a dog in heat. Instead of giving in or getting angry, he had calmly held her at arm's length and demanded they go to couple's therapy.

He could almost smile now at the memory. Lauren's face had turned almost purple with rage as she'd stared him down. Then she pulled out every gun in her arsenal. She yelled and screamed. She argued. She belittled him; after all, what man wanted his wife to want sex _less_? She scoffed. She refused.

And when all else failed, she tried to seduce him, dropping to her knees and begging for his cock. Edward had pushed her head away and locked himself in his new room. He sat on the foot of his new bed and listened as she threw God knows what as she realized that all his stuff was now in the guest room. After an hour or two, she even knocked on his door and begged to just talk. Edward told her they had an appointment with the therapist the next morning at nine; they could talk then.

Now, he stood in Alice's kitchen smirking at the memory and no doubt making her curious.

Sure enough, Alice's eyes were narrowed as she stared him down. "Why do you look like that? You're way too satisfied. What gives?"

Edward walked over to the table and pulled out the chair across from her. As he was getting ready to explain, he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen and decided to wait for Bella. He grabbed a chip off his sister's plate and popped it in his mouth to buy himself some time.

He waited for Bella to walk through the door before stating, "I told Lauren we have to go to couples' therapy."

Alice swallowed her bite whole and looked at him open mouthed. "You did _what_?"

"I told her we're going to therapy. I hate our marriage and want it to change. I moved out of our room and into the guest room, which now has locks on it, by the way." He grinned at Alice and took another chip.

He noticed Bella had stopped almost mid-stride in the kitchen. He glanced over at her and caught her eye, raising one brow. Alice got his attention again by asking, "And did she refuse?"

Edward scowled and looked down at the fading black marks on his forearms, "She did a lot more than just refuse and I have the bruises to prove it. But for the first time, I held my ground and demanded it."

Alice snorted and pushed her plate toward Edward, silently offering him the rest. "I'll bet that went over like poop in a punch bowl." She glanced around the room restlessly and spotted Bella hovering near the door like a ghost.

When Alice made eye contact with her, Edward watched Bella cringe. "I should go. I was just… I mean, I'm going. This is," Bella waved one hand toward the table where Alice and Edward sat, "personal. And … I should go. Will's already in the car." She grabbed her purse off the counter and started backing out of the room.

Alice was out of her chair and across the room in no time. "Wait, Bella! Don't go!" She grabbed Bella's wrist lightly and tugged. "Why are you going? We were going to watch a movie and pretend to scrapbook."

Bella smiled at Alice to reassure her but Edward was watching her eyes. Her eyes were stormy. Troubled. He stood slowly and willed her to look at him. Instead, she patted Alice's hand on her wrist and smiled again.

"I forgot I've got to finish a project for work. It slipped my mind." She slipped her arm free from Alice's grasp. "I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?" She glanced over Alice's shoulder at Edward's troubled gaze and dropped her eyes to her watch. "I may have time to finish it today. If you're not busy tomorrow, we'll go do something."

Edward watched Bella give Alice a tight hug and disappear. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and dropped his chin to his chest. She wasn't mad. He knew that much to be true. He'd seen Lauren's anger enough to know that. No, Bella was hurt. And unless he was mistaken, she was scared. More than scared; she was terrified.

Alice sighed and watched her go. "I'll call you in the morning?"

They listened to the door open. "That sounds great. Bye!"

After Bella left, Alice cleaned the kitchen without saying a word. Edward finished off the bag of chips on the table and kept his thoughts of Bella to himself.

"Do you love her?"

Edward's chest constricted in panic. What did Alice know? Was he that transparent in his attention to Bella? Did he love her? No, he barely knew her. But he could. The life he _could_ have sprang to his mind and left him dazed. He might not love her yet; but in the space of one heartbeat, Edward knew that he would eventually.

He lifted his eyes to Alice, feeling completely bewildered.

"You do, don't you?" She sounded defeated. "That's why you're insisting on therapy."

Wait. "What?" Edward was lost.

Alice dropped her dishrag into the sink with a wet plop and wiped her hands on her jeans as she walked to her brother. Sitting down in his lap, she studied his face. "It's not a hard question Edward. Do you love your wife?"

The shift in focus about the object of his affections was like being dropped from a building. His feelings for Lauren, when measured against his feelings for Bella, were so vastly different they could only be qualified as hate.

Edward looked down at Alice's face and opened his mouth to speak but no words would come. He was flummoxed. He shook his head slowly.

Alice put one hand on his cheek. "You don't love Lauren anymore?" she whispered.

His voice, when he finally forced it out of the tightness in his throat, sounded fragile, like glass already cracked. "No. I don't." He blinked down at his sister who was waiting expectantly, "I don't know that I ever did."

Alice laid her head on his chest and played with the collar of his shirt. "Then why, Edward?"

Edward wasn't exactly sure what she was asking. Was she asking him why he was going to therapy? Or why he was fighting for a dead, decayed excuse of a marriage? Because he had no idea the answer to either question.

"I thought," he cleared his throat and swallowed thickly. "I guess I thought it was the right thing to do."

Alice sat up and looked at him with wide eyes. "Do you still?"

He looked at her and frowned. "No," he answered, his thoughts racing. "No amount of therapy is going to make me love her. And she sure as hell doesn't love me." He thought of instance after instance of her selfishness, her perverted sense of gratification. "I'm just a convenient fuck to her."

Alice laid her head back on his chest and breathed in the hope that she felt. She listened to his heart thumping wildly in his chest; his arms around her tense and hard. They sat quietly together, much like those long ago days on the pier at the lake. After a while, his heartbeat slowed and his muscles relaxed.

She lifted her face again and grinned, "What are you going to do?"

Edward looked at her and smiled. Genuinely smiled. He felt like his heart had been freed from an iron cage and he tried to control the giddiness rising up in his chest.

He lifted an eyebrow and smirked. "Alice? Would it be okay if I moved in here for a while? I'll clean up after myself. Scouts honor."

In answer, Alice threw her arms around his neck and laughed until she was sobbing. "Yes. Yes. Yes," she whispered over and over.

~O~

Edward didn't look forward to the coming confrontation, but he'd resigned himself to it. He pulled around the work van parked in front of the neighbor's house and pulled into his drive. The house was completely dark when Edward got home, not one light was shining through the windows. Edward felt relief until he pulled his jeep into the garage and saw Lauren's suv already parked. He glanced down at the time illuminated on the dash to confirm it was barely eight o'clock. Puzzled, he opened the door from the garage into the den. The television static was loud and the room was white washed with the glare. He looked around. The chair beside the stairs was on its side. The throw blanket from the back of the sofa was half in the floor and half on the coffee table. There was a large red stain covering half of it. Lauren's purse was across the floor with the contents kicked around. He stood in the doorway blinking, trying to make any sense of what he saw. It looked like a war zone. Then he saw Lauren's cell phone in front of his foot, crushed to pieces. _Or a crime scene_, he thought sickly.

"Lauren?" he yelled as he dropped his keys on the floor and ran for the stairs. He stepped over a picture that had been knocked off the wall and listened for any noise. Nothing. There was no sound at all. As much as he didn't love Lauren, he didn't want to see her hurt, or worse killed. He just wanted to be free of her.

He looked into the dining room, then the living room, both were untouched. He was about to turn toward the hallway when something caught his eye. Lauren's red shoe, her Jimmy Choo that she worshiped, was hanging from the ceiling fan. He reached up and plucked it loose.

Now Edward was thoroughly perplexed. If she was attacked, why was her shoe hanging from the ceiling? He scanned the room one more time and turned down the hall. He walked slowly and listened for any noises.

He eased open the door to the master bedroom and looked in. The first thing he noticed was the tool belt. A wide, brown leather tool belt with a measuring tape and screwdriver hanging from it. There was a blue jumpsuit beside it. Only then did he see the feet sticking out from the other side of the enormous bed.

Holding the Jimmy Choo like a weapon, Edward stepped into the room. He flipped the light switch but nothing happened. He moved silently toward the lamp and tensed for a fight as he flipped the switch.

Lauren sat completely naked, leaning casually back against her bedside table watching Edward face as he realized there was a naked man in his house. And from the looks of it, a thoroughly fucked naked man.

Edward lowered the shoe to his side and sighed. "Lauren, what are you doing?"

Lauren's eyes were red and her make-up smeared as she shrugged. "Making you jealous?"

Edward just looked at her. She was so sad. Pathetic even. He shook his head, "Sorry. It didn't work." He looked down at the unconscious man lying on his stomach between them. "Where'd you get this guy?"

Lauren sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "He's the heating and air guy. I told them ours was broken."

"So you just let him in and fucked him in our house?" Edward didn't sound angry, just confused. Who did that? Who let themselves be used like that? _Oh_ _wait_, he thought, _that would be me_.

He dropped the shoe to the carpet and lightly kicked the guy's foot, making him grunt lightly. "Lauren, I'm going to my room to take a shower. He needs to be gone when I get out." He looked into her wide eyes.

"Not even a little bit?" she whimpered, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Edward shook his head, "Not even a little bit." And he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own a box of half-eaten fudge, 2 broken lawnmowers and a well-used laptop but I do not own Twilight. *sniff***

**Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter! Hope you all had a great holiday!**

Bella spent the remainder of the day Saturday hiding in her garage staring absently at a side table she'd dragged out of her spare room because she hated the thought of lying to her new friend. She hoped Alice wouldn't ask her why she ran out, because if she did Bella wouldn't have anything coherent to say. What _could_ she say? I almost grabbed your married brother's junk in your kitchen while our boys were playing nearby? Or, I want your brother to give me orgasms until I pass out?

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes at herself. Right. She had to get control of herself. There was no good explanation for her visceral response to Edward Cullen. She had lived her whole life alone, self-sufficient and content. Now all the sudden, her son's football coach has turned her into a freak show. Seriously. If the other parents knew what was going on in her mind whenever he was around, they'd probably have her arrested.

Bella sighed for the hundredth time since she got home from Alice's. Here she was, falling for a gorgeous, unattainable man, who loved his wife so much he was _making_ her go to couple's therapy. Bella felt horrible. She was consumed with guilt because of the kiss they shared and the nature of their conversation in Alice's kitchen.

When Will drove his bike into the garage asking when supper was going to be ready, Bella dropped the pretense of work and put away her unused sketchbook.

She was stirring a sauce pot of marinara sauce with meatballs when Will peaked his head around her elbow, "Whatcha cookin' Mom?"

"Squirrel Brain Soup." She answered seriously as she used the spoon to show him a mini-meatball. She smiled at his giggle.

"Yum! My favorite!" Will giggled too before leaning into her side. "I love you, Mom."

Bella tapped the spoon on the side of the pot before laying it on the spoon rest. She lifted her arm and wrapped it around his shoulders. "I love you too baby. You okay?" She leaned back to look at his face.

"Yeah. I'm good." He stood on his tiptoes to look into the other pot, "How much longer?"

Bella smiled at his eagerness. "Hungry?"

"Starving."

She turned the eyes on the stove off and reached in the cabinet to retrieve the colander. Just as she started moving the pot of boiled noodles to the sink her phone rang.

"Can you get that Will?" she asked.

"Sure," he ran into the dining room to find her phone. "Hello? … Oh, hi!... No, she's cooking supper right now. … Uh-huh, I mean, Yes, Sir… Squirrel Brain Soup. It's my favorite…"

"Will!" Bella shouted from the kitchen, mortified by the turn in the conversation. "I can talk now. Bring me the phone, please."

"Oh, hang on. She can talk now." He walked into the kitchen to where she was anxiously waiting for the phone and wondering who he was talking to. "Here she is." As she took the phone, he added quietly to her, "It's Coach Masen."

_Shit, _thought Bella. She was committed now. She took the phone from her son and told him to set the table. She took a deep breath and made herself smile.

"Hello?" She could hear the tremble in her voice and cleared her throat.

"Bella?" His voice sounded gentle and she was sure he could tell that she didn't want to talk to him.

"Yes?" Best to keep her responses simple.

"Um. I wanted to call and apologize for the way I acted. Today… and the other night. I have no excuse, except that… No. I… I'm sorry for everything. Can we still be friends? Bella, I'd like to explain…"

His voice trailed off and Bella held the phone. Her feelings were all over the place. She wanted him to be sorry. And there was a secret part of her that wanted him to profess love. And tell her that he really did want her after all. No! No. God, she didn't know what she wanted…

The silence continued for almost a minute. "Bella? Are you still there?" he whispered.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. She could feel her eyes prick with the beginning of tears. Bella looked over at Will. He was done setting the table and was now watching her with worried eyes. He was picking up on her stress and beginning to show concern. So, with shaking hands, she quietly ended the call and silenced the ringer. She forced a smile at her son. Edward was too much to deal with right now.

"Musta lost him," she said with a smile. "I'm sure he'll call back later."

Will's face lightened and he smiled back at her. "Can we eat now?"

"Sure! Help me carry the food to the table?"

Four hours later, Bella's stomach was starting to hurt from worry. She knew hanging up on someone was horribly rude. She had never hung up on anyone in her whole life. But in that moment, with her son watching her face and her heart tripping wildly in her chest, she felt it was her only option. She just couldn't talk to him. She didn't know what to say.

Edward apologized. For "everything". What did that mean? Did he feel bad for leading her on when he loved his wife? Was he a man-whore who seduced pathetic single mothers for kicks? What was he apologizing for exactly?

There was a duality to Bella's heart. One the one hand, she wanted to protect herself and her son. She knew how even the thought of love could destroy a person's heart and soul. And she was determined to keep that from ever happening to her again. She couldn't bear it.

On the other hand, she wanted to be known and loved. She saw how good love could be. It had the potential to be beautiful. More than anything, even her own fear, she wanted to be loved and love in return.

But a relationship with a married man could only end badly. Period. She nodded to herself. Her decision was made. She wouldn't be alone with Edward again. She checked for missed calls on her silent phone and was relieved and scared when she saw two. Both from Edward.

So she chewed an antacid and sat at her computer desk to work on her budget and pay her bills. That was, after all, what a responsible adult ought to do. And she refused to think any more about Edward Masen.

~O~

Sunday passed without incident. Alice and Jason spent the day with their family and Emmett was still out of town. So Bella and Will ordered a pizza and watched old home movies of Will as a baby. He loved it.

Monday's practice was cancelled because of the weather; tornadoes were just a fact of life in the South. One minute it's hot and sunny, the next minute the sky turns that peculiar shade of green and the sirens start going off. There were times that the temperature before the storm and the temperature after could be twenty degrees different. Such was the case with Monday's storm. Monday's high was 92; Tuesday's was 70.

Bella dug her sweatshirt out of the closet and grabbed a book on the way out the door for practice. Will was already in the car waiting. She never had to tell him twice. He was ready ahead of time. They listened to music on the way to practice and Bella gave him a kiss on the cheek before they got out of the car. Will hadn't gotten to the age yet where a kiss from your mother was the literal kiss of death to your social life. Bella dreaded the day when it was.

She watched him run onto the practice field and then set up her folding chair. She was determined to ignore Coach SexyPants. She would rather die than be "the other woman".

Just as she had gotten into her book, movement to her left caught her attention. It was Angela. Angela… something. What was her last name? Bella knew her slightly, since their boys were in class together. She knew Angela was also on the football board.

"Hi, Bella. How are you tonight?" Angela asked as she stopped next to her chair.

Bella rested her book against her chest and smiled up at Angela. "I'm good. Glad the weather's cooled off a bit. I thought the humidity was going to kill me!"

Angela grinned and nodded. "I know. There's nothing as miserable as a hot, humid day in the South. You know, I've been out west and their heat is nothing!"

Bella grinned back. Southerners took great pride in their humid heat and their ability to persevere though it. No one could ever convince them there was something worse.

"So what's up?" Bella asked.

Angela stuck her hands in the front pocket of her hoodie. "Well, I was hoping you'd ask. You know I'm on the board, right?"

Bella nodded.

"Well we've had to ask our boys' Team Mom to step aside."

Bella's brow wrinkled in confusion. "We had a Team Mom?"

Angela chuckled dryly. "Exactly." She squatted down next to Bella's chair and leaned in conspiratorially. "She wasn't doin' jack squat. So we asked her to step aside, which she did thank God; but now we need a new one. You were the first person to come to mind." She smiled hopefully. "You did such a good job organizing the meals for Principal Skinner after her surgery. And this isn't hard; just making sure everyone knows about cancelled practices and game times. Things like that. What do you think?" She watched Bella for any signs of assent.

Under normal circumstances, Bella would say yes in a heartbeat. She could do all that. It was just a few phone calls plus organizing trophies and a parade float. But all she could think of at the moment was that if she became Team Mom, she'd have to work closely with the head coach. Edward.

"Ummm." She chewed her bottom lip. "I'm not sure." She glanced over to the field and caught sight of Edward showing the boys the proper way to do push-ups. Holy crow was he built! She looked quickly back to Angela, "Have you tried anyone else?" She felt like a horrible person when Angela's face fell.

"No. Not yet. I was going to ask Vanessa but her dad just had a stroke and she's taking care of him," she looked at Bella for another minute hopefully before adding, "But if you can't, that's fine. I'll keep looking."

She stood up to leave and Bella felt like a heel. She held out her hand to stop Angela from walking away. "Wait. Um. Yeah, I guess so." She felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to help and be more involved. Alice had just told her the other day that she should talk to people more. But this, this meant more talking to _him._ She glanced over at him again only to see his firm ass inside his tight shorts as he stretched with his players. Damn.

"Oh, Bella thank you so much! I can't tell you how relieved I am!" Angela stooped to give her a hug before adding, "Let me go get the folder with all your info. I'll be right back!"

Bella looked back down at her book and tried to slow her heart. It was pounding uncontrollably in her chest. What had she done? She refused to raise her eyes, afraid of what she would see. Angela was back after a minute and knelt down beside Bella's lawn chair. She gave her the team roster, the concession stand schedule and the game information. Bella nodded in all the right places, even asked questions. But inside she was worried.

Towards the end of practice, Bella had talked herself to within an inch of a panic attack. She was ready to find Angela and give everything back when Will ran over for their last water break.

"Coach Masen said you're our new Team Mom," he panted before he squirted water in his mouth.

Bella shifted her gaze to his coach only to find him staring her way. She nodded at Will but her eyes were held captive by Edward's stare, the intensity of which was making her palms sweat. He never blinked but continued to look at her with something more than interest. He looked hungry… and sorry and afraid. She couldn't look away. Will dropped his water bottle on the ground and ran to get on the line for sprints, and still Bella was frozen.

Edward was motionless, looking a bit lost. His expression was naked, revealing himself to her. Bella wanted to blink but she knew that when she did, the moment would be lost. Instead she made her face relax and smiled slightly. She didn't know what he was thinking but she wanted him to know that she didn't hate him.

The assistant coach blew his whistle to start drills. The momentary bubble they were caught in popped and they both blinked. One side of Edward's mouth lifted in a small smile and Bella's heart flipped over. She lifted the folder in her hand and gave a little wave before gathering her things.

Will met her at the car and dumped his equipment in the trunk. "So, you're the Team Mom?"

Bella nodded and started backing out of the parking place slowly, trying not to run over any kids. "Yeah, I guess. You okay with that?"

Will shrugged. "Sure. That's fine with me. Does that mean you're like Coach Masen's assistant? And you'll be spending time with him a lot?"

Bella glanced over at him with her brows drawn together. "Why would you say that?"

Will grinned his impish grin and looked out the window. "Cause that would be fine with me, you know. He's cool."

Bella couldn't believe her ears. What was her son doing? Since when did he care about her social life?

"Will, he's _married_." She reminded him.

Will smiled fully then and even waggled his eyebrows. "Not for long. Jason told me tonight that Coach lives with them now. And that he's getting a divorce."

**A/N Duh-duh-duh. Out of the mouths of babes…**

**Lemme know what you think! Reviews are better than quality, alone time with the coach. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Mrs. Meyer. I only play with them. **

_She hung up on me! _Edward stared at the phone in horror. He knew she was upset with him. Angry even. But she hadn't really sounded angry. She sounded… sad. Almost heartbroken. And then she had quietly hung up.

He called back. Twice. But it just rang. No answer. He sat on the foot of the bed in Alice's spare room and stared at his phone for awhile longer before tossing it across the room hitting his unpacked suitcase. He flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. _I left my wife, _he thought_._ Just like that, after ten years, he'd packed up and left.

After his confrontation with Lauren, he'd gone to his room and locked the door. Without slowing down, almost desperately, he'd begun ripping at his shirt, his belt, his pants, frantic to get them off. He turned on the shower as hot as it would go and stepped into the burning rush. He wanted to burn away the years of lies and deceit and suppressed pain. He used the bar of soap and his bare hands to scrub his skin until it ached. He remembered reading a children's story once about a boy who gets turned into a dragon by his own avarice. He remembered how the boy had used his dragon claws to shred his skin, desperate to be free. Desperate for redemption. Edward felt the same panic at the thought of continuing the life he was living.

He wouldn't. He resolved then, in that horrible moment in the shower with a naked delivery man passed out in his bedroom floor, that he would never go back. He would never be the same weak man who let life happen to him. He was done. He wanted to be free.

The stranger was gone when Edward finally emerged from the spare room. Lauren saw Edward's suitcase and started to cry quietly. Edward walked passed where she sat on the sofa and into the office. He switched on the light and calmly started gathering important papers and folders.

"What… what are you doing?" Lauren asked, alarmed.

"Getting the things that I need," he answered calmly. He logged onto the computer and started saving documents to a memory stick he'd taken out of the top desk drawer. As they saved, he deleted them from the computer.

"I don't understand," Lauren whispered.

He continued clicking and saving and deleting, ignoring her. He grabbed files out of the cabinet and swiveled his chair towards the shredder. He flicked it on and began feeding papers into it at a steady rate. Some papers, he pushed into the side pocket of his laptop bag.

Her crying got louder and she dropped to her knees beside him. "Please, Edward, talk to me. What's happening? What are you doing?"

Edward finally looked at her. Really looked. She was a complete mess. Her eyes were swollen and there were bruises on her arms, from the rough delivery guy sex he supposed.

"Did he do that to you?" he asked, barely touching one of the bruises on the inside of her wrist.

"What?" she sniffled, looking down where his finger was touching. When she saw it she started crying again. "I don't know. I don't remember."

The computer chimed letting him know his documents were successfully saved, and he turned away from her again. He clicked to opened the recycle bin and emptied it. Almost done now. If Lauren would only continue to co-operate. Only one last thing. He opened their banking website and transferred all but five thousand dollars from their joint savings to his sole checking account and then changed their password.

"Edward." Her voice was harder now; the reality of what he was doing finally sinking in. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Edward disconnected the memory stick with all their important documents, their tax returns, passwords and mortgage information saved to it, and dropped it in his pocket as he rose from the chair.

"What I should have done nine and a half years ago." He stepped around where she was still kneeling and picked up his bag.

Everything finally clicked. "You fucking asshole! You think you're leaving me?" she shrieked. "I'll ruin you!"

Edward smiled sadly at her and shook his head. "I don't think so. I just deleted everything you're going to need to survive. I hold the power now Lauren." He walked to the basement stairs and ducked in time to avoid the small garbage can from the office as it hit the wall beside him.

He turned to look at his deranged wife. "And don't even think about making my life hell. I've got enough trash on you to bury you. Including the vehicle number of the guy you just fucked senseless in our bedroom. So don't fuck with me Lauren. Just walk away."

Now he lay on the spare bed in Alice's room, staring at the ceiling and wondering how to make everything right.

Monday afternoon he got an email from the football board, granting his request to replace the team mom of the team he coached. So far she had done nothing to help him and he knew he was going to need the help. He couldn't go through what would inevitably be a nasty divorce and setting up house for himself and do the job of team mom also.

When the email asked if he had anyone in mind as a replacement, he mentioned Vanessa, who he happened to know couldn't do it, and Bella, who he hoped would. Maybe he was a masochist, maybe he was a creep, but he was also desperate to spend more time with her.

So when he heard that she'd told Angela "Yes", he felt like he'd won the championship. He waited until he was in his room at Alice's before he pumped his fist in the air, though.

Edward didn't call Bella right away. He was trying to exercise self-control. He made sure that Angela gave her all the paperwork he knew she needed; thus, buying him some time before he had to talk to her again. Because frankly, he was afraid to be near her or hear her voice. Afraid of what he might say or do. The urge to touch her and feel her was too strong. He was determined to show her that he wasn't a pervert or a sex freak, even if he felt like one around her.

Thursday at practice, Edward waited for everyone else to get there before he approached her.

"Hi, Bella." He said as he watched her face.

Her eyes jerked up to his from her book "Oh, Hi, Coach Masen."

Hmmm. Coach Masen. Okay. God, she was gorgeous tonight. The weather was still warm enough for shorts. Edward was grateful because she had beautiful legs. He refused to let his eyes stray from her face. But that wasn't any less attractive. Her brown eyes were large and worried as she looked at him. He didn't realize he was staring until she arched one eyebrow at him in a look bordering on annoyance.

"Oh. Um. Sorry." He looked back out on the field to where the team was warming up, "Yeah. I was going to let you know; our game is at home this week. It starts at ten o'clock, so the boys need to be there by nine. Can you send out a reminder? Like an," he made the mistake of looking at her again and she was biting her lip. He completely forgot what he was saying. His vision blurred around the edges, leaving just her face in focus.

She lifted her eyebrows and asked, "Email?"

Edward blinked and smiled crookedly, "What?"

Bella's forehead creased, "Do you want me to send out an email?"

He grinned. "A what?" He felt dazed and inexplicably cheered by her attention.

Bella frowned and looked at him like he was deranged, "About game time. Do you want me to send out an email to all the parents?" She spoke slowly and distinctly.

Edward snapped back to reality and immediately blushed. God, he was a spaz. She was probably afraid of him. He cleared his throat and looked away. He nodded quickly but refused to look her again.

"Yeah. If you could let people know what time to get there and make sure there's someone to work the concession stand during the game before ours. That would be great," he glanced up at her long enough to see her look of confusion then gave her a flick of the wrist meant as a wave before jogging back over to his team.

Edward had once prided himself on being able to talk to almost anyone. His mother used to call him charming. _If only she could see me now…_ he thought. He was beyond idiocy. All he could do was groan in shame.

**From**: Bella Swan

**Subject**: Saturday's Game

**To: **95LB Team, etc…

Hi to everyone! I want to let you know that I am the Team Mom for the 95 lb Football Team. We're going to have a great year this year!

Our first game is this Saturday at 10:00 am. Coach Masen has told me that the boys need to be there by 9:00 so they can warm up and walk through some of their plays. This week's game is at home so no directions are needed.

I need a volunteer for this week for the concession stand. Our team works the game before ours, which starts at 9:00. So let me know! Thanks!

Go Tigers!

Bella Swan

Edward read the email with a smile on his face. She didn't email him exclusively; she sent a mass email to everyone. And it was ridiculously boring. But still… Plus now, he had her email address. The very idea of it made him lighthearted.

~O~

Friday, Edward took the day off work to meet with his attorney and file paperwork for the divorce. He also drove by the house to check on things and pack more of his things.

When his key wouldn't work, he wasn't surprised at all. He'd expected Lauren to change the locks. So he walked around back to the window under the deck. After a well placed whack it opened smoothly.

Edward climbed through onto the top of the washing machine and hopped to the floor. Easy as pie. He was glad now that he'd never gotten around to repairing it or telling Lauren about it. Smiling he walked into the downstairs den and stopped short. His xBox 360 and all the components were smashed into pieces with a hammer. The hammer was still there, laying in the midst of broken plastic.

He opened the cabinet that housed their DVDs, expecting to see it empty of his movies but amazingly they were still there. He opened the duffle bag hanging over his shoulder and dropped them in.

Then in a moment of inspiration, he pulled out his phone and started recording.

"_I just walked in and this is what I saw. My gaming system is destroyed." _He stepped to the bar area and grabbed a plastic baggie. While still filming, he scooped the hammer into the baggie and dropped it into his duffle bag. "_In case I need evidence. Let's see what else she's fucked up."_

"_Nice. My collectable college prints are smashed in. The painting we bought in Barcelona is slashed. Let's go upstairs. … I think those are my clothes in the fireplace. Let me check…" _He walked into the living room and flipped the lights on. You could clearly see his favorite tweed coat and what was left of his ties half burned up. "_Nice, Lauren. You crazy… Damn, that was my favorite coat. Bet Alice will be thrilled." _

He zoomed in on the carnage before walking to the bedroom. The room looked like a tornado had hit. Clothes, his clothes, were all over the place. Some were cut into strips. He found the scissors and dropped them into another baggie. The more he walked around, the angrier he got. By the time he was done, he'd catalogued the entire house of Lauren's insanity.

"Good Afternoon. Worthington, Jenks and Associates. How may I help you?"

"Jenks, please."

"Name?"

"Edward Masen."

"Hold, please."

Edward was back in his Jeep with the few belongings he'd managed to salvage and a thirst for Lauren's blood. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel while waiting for J to answer.

"Eddie! Miss me already?" His gravel-ridden voice on the verge of laughter.

"She's fuckin' jacked up, J. Batshit crazy!" Edward seethed.

"Like we didn't know that already… more specifically please." Edward filled him in to the mess his house was currently in. "Turn around and go back." Jenks instructed.

"_Why_?" Edward shouted.

"Because you need to file a police report. It gives us more dirt against her."

Edward sighed and made a u-turn. "Can you meet me there?"

"Sure. Be there in ten. Try to look saddened instead of enraged. Can you do that?"

Edward nodded before remembering to give voice to assent. "Yes. I'm a good actor."

Two hours later, the police report was filed and Jenks was beside himself.

"Eddie, my boy, you were magnificent!" Jenks rubbed his hands together in glee. "Magnificent, I tell you. She's cooked!"

Edward was exhausted. "Can we go now? I really don't want to be here when Crazy Lady gets home."

"You did great with the hammer and scissors. And the video! The video was perfect. That helps tremendously."

"Whatever. I just want her to leave me alone. Can I go?"

"Sure. Let's go. No need to have to file another report today." He patted Edward's shoulder on their way outside. "It's been a good day. And great timing. Now when we file the divorce papers, we can use this as a reason. It's perfect."

Edward watched Jenks laugh his way to his Mercedes and shook his head. What a mess his life was. He cranked his Jeep and took the long way to Alice's, deliberately driving past Bella's house.

He saw the front porch light go off as he passed and smiled. Bella was the nicest, most normal thing in his life right now. And he definitely wanted to do right by her. He was proud of the progress he'd made in getting his life back. Now if he could only figure out how to be around Bella without making an ass of himself. _Tomorrow, _he thought. _Tomorrow was another day. _

**A/N**

**The children's story Edward remembers in the shower is from a book by C.S. Lewis entitled ****Voyage of the Dawn Treader****. **

**I think Edward was all over the place, emotionally, in this chapter. Don't worry; he gets a little steadier. Next chapter, Bella's turn. And maybe a little alone time. *wink***


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, in any shape, form or fashion. My shape, form and fashion tend towards soft and lumpy. **

**Last chapter:**

_Edward was exhausted. "Can we go now? I really don't want to be here when Crazy Lady gets home." _

"_You did great with the hammer and scissors. And the video! The video was perfect. That helps tremendously."_

"_Whatever. I just want her to leave me alone." He shifted his weight and dug his keys out of his pocket. "Can I go?"_

"_Sure. Let's go. No need to have to file another report today." He patted Edward's shoulder on their way outside. "It's been a good day. And great timing. Now when we file the divorce papers, we can use this as a reason. It's perfect."_

_Edward watched Jenks laugh his way to his Mercedes and shook his head. What a mess his life was. He cranked his Jeep and took the long way to Alice's, deliberately driving past Bella's house. _

_He saw the front porch light go off as he passed and smiled. Bella was the nicest, most normal thing in his life right now. And he definitely wanted to do right by her. He was proud of the progress he'd made in getting his life back. Now if he could only figure out how to be around Bella without making an ass of himself. Tomorrow, he thought. Tomorrow was another day. _

_What have I gotten myself into? _Bella wondered as she perused the packet of information on team mom responsibilities. She had to keep up with practice schedules, game times, arrival times, workers for the concession stand, coach's gifts, trophies, rain delays, uniform fittings. The list went on and on. She rubbed her forehead and dropped the packet in her lap, momentarily regretting her decision.

_Be honest Bella, _she said to herself, _you know exactly why you're doing this...Edward. _It was true. One look at his beautiful face and she was a goner. Add to the mix the way he stumbled over his words and she wanted to lick him like an ice cream cone. Bella leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes.

In her honest moments, she wondered if one of the main reasons she was attracted to Edward was because he was so nice, meek almost. James had been domineering and controlling, but Edward was gentle and kind and never seemed to quite know what he was saying. It was sexy in a geeky kind of way. And she had never felt even a glimmer of fear in his presence, which was unusual.

And his ass in those shorts was going to be the end of her. She was sure of it. The other day when he finished stammering and staring at her, which made her feel lit up inside in the hopes that it was because he liked her and not because he was repulsed by her, and then he turned and walked away. She almost swallowed her tongue at the sight of his legs and tight ass. She dreamed of having the chance to bounce a quarter off of it.

"Whatcha smilin' at Mom?"

Will's voice shook her out of her revelry. She opened her eyes and smiled up into his sweet face.

"Just thinking how glad I am that you're playing football."

Will's face lit up and he smiled back at her. "Really? You're still glad?"

Bella's smile stayed in place even as her eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "What do you mean 'still'?"

Will pointed to the folder in her lap. "I heard you talking to yourself about all the work and thought maybe you were sad about it."

Bella slid the papers over to the side and pulled her son into her lap. "Not even a little bit. I love watching you play and have fun."

She felt him sigh happily and snuggle into her neck. She loved this time with him now more than ever because she knew she was on borrowed time. One day before too long he would think he was too big to sit in her lap and then where would she be? She pushed the sad thought out of her mind and squeezed him a little tighter, making him giggle.

"So, is it a lot of work?" he asked quietly.

Bella thought about making light of it but thought better of it. Will was getting older and needed to understand.

"Sure, it's work; and at times it might be a lot of work. But work isn't a bad thing. I know how to work hard and it doesn't scare me." She lifted her shoulders to show him that she was at ease. "Besides, Mrs. Alice is always saying how much of a hermit I am. This will introduce me to new people and before she knows it, I'll have more friends than her."

She felt Will smile and poked his ribs, "What are you smiling about? You think I couldn't out-friend her?"

She and Will giggled together at the seeming impossibility of "out-friending" Alice. She was like a debutante or something.

"So no more worrying, okay? Your momma's a big girl. I can say no if I need to. You understand?"

"Yes ma'am," Will answered with relief in his voice.

They sat in comfortable silence for another few minutes before Will whispered, "Momma, I'm real proud of you. I know you're gonna do a great job."

Bella felt her eyes fill with tears and took a deep breath to control them. "Thank you baby," she whispered.

~O~

A week later found Bella completely out of her element. She was sitting in a football board meeting, listening to the people who knew all about football talk in detail about things she didn't understand. She had her notebook in front of her; her pencil in her hand, ready to take notes. And she was nervous as hell.

She glanced around her and wondered if everyone in the room could sense the feelings of incompetence she knew were rolling off her in waves. Maybe it was the setting. Bella was surprised to find that the board met at the high school, but not in the office or lunchroom where she had expected. No, they were in the Biology lab, sitting at high black-topped tables and surrounded by stuffed owls and jars of dead things. Bella was overwhelmed with nerves and knew she would soon be having nightmares of walking into class naked and taking a test for which she hadn't studied.

Where was Edward? She was only here because he had an appointment that he couldn't get out of and needed her to take notes for him. She should have said no. She should have said _hell_, _no_. But it was the only thing he had asked of her so far and he had looked deep into her eyes and run his hand through his sex hair. How could she say no to that?

So here she sat, trying to look competent while she desperately tried to decode what the hell they were talking about. It seemed like the blond woman, whose name Bella didn't know, was saying that the by-laws needed to be amended to include a commissioner. Whatever that meant. Bella wrote it down. Then the really overweight man made a motion to table that until the next time. Bella wrote that down. Then the nice girl, Angela, (Bella felt victorious when she was able to write down someone's name finally) said she needed more help packing up the concession stand after games. Bella wrote that down. Then the other blond woman made a motion to do _something_, but Bella missed what she said because at that crucial moment, she'd glanced out the window just as a red Jeep pulled into the parking lot. _He's here._ Her heart flipped in her chest and her breathing sped up.

Bella concentrated with all her might and tried to decide what they were voting on… Nope. She'd missed it. Completely. She nodded confidently when everyone else did and tried to not look like a doof. Edward slid through the door just as someone started passing out the game schedule.

"What did I miss?" he whispered breathlessly in her ear. Bella felt her hair stir with the force of his breath and shivered.

She refused to look higher than his nose when she answered. If she looked into his eyes in that moment she knew she would kiss him. Right on the mouth… in front of everyone.

She glanced at the bridge of his nose and back down to her notes.

"Well, lemme see… that lady," she used the eraser end of her pencil to point at the first blond. "She says we need some kind of commissioner. But he," she pointed to the overweight guy, "told her to vote on it next time." Bella leaned into him so she could whisper even lower. "I don't think he likes the idea. And he laughs behind her back. I saw him before the meeting started." She smiled when she felt his shoulder shake in silent laughter. "And then Angela (she's the only name that I know) said she needs help packing up food. But nobody offered. I think she's a little frustrated."

She looked up at him but his head was turned to the room. Bella noticed for the first time that he had a mole right at his hair line behind his ear. She stared at it for a second before looking back at her paper. She felt like her whole body was going to combust. Her skin was hot to the touch she was sure.

Bella almost squeaked in surprise when Edward bumped her shoulder with his own. The surge of energy she felt jump between them went straight to her belly and gripped her like a vise. He must have felt it too because she heard his breath stutter out and she would have bet her boots that he was staring at her. She refused to lift her eyes and contented herself with gripping her pencil between her fingers until her knuckles were white. The moment seemed to stretch for hours.

Bella watched as Edward lifted his hand from his lap and laid it gently on her hand holding the pencil. "You're going to break it if you aren't careful," he whispered.

His thumb stroked hers before easing the pencil from her iron grip. She watched as he pulled it slowly out of her hand and placed it beside her notebook.

Once again she felt his warm breath at her ear. "You okay?"

Bella swallowed and nodded quickly.

She heard him swallow as well. They breathed in unison and pretended to listen to the meeting that was still going on even though all that existed was the other's breath. Bella imagined she could hear his heart beating and wondered briefly what it would sound like if she pressed her ear to his naked chest.

"That okay Edward?" A man's voice interrupted. "The 18th for the Pep Rally?"

Edward grabbed his phone from the table in front of him and opened his calendar.

"Umm. Sure. That works for me. No problem."

Bella took measured breaths and mentally shook herself to clear the effects of whatever haze she had been sucked into. She picked up her pencil intent on writing down the Pep Rally information but was distracted by the remnants of energy she would swear were seeping into her fingers from the pencil where he'd touched it. What in the world had she gotten herself into?

After another twenty minutes of mundane business, as best as Bella could tell over the crippling sexual tension she was experiencing with Edward, the meeting was adjourned and she was stuffing her things into her black leather bag Alice had just given her. She needed to get out of here before she embarrassed herself.

"The blonde is Lisa; she's a lesbian," Bella jumped at the closeness of Edward's voice as she walked out of the classroom. "And the big guy is Eric; he likes tacos. A _lot_. And the other blond is my soon-to-be ex-cousin, Tanya. She thinks she's the best thing to hit this town since sliced bread."

Bella couldn't help the giggle that escaped her at Edward's commentary. "Thanks for the help. I'd be lost without you."

Edward chuckled and fell in step beside her, "Good to know. I'd hate for you to be lost."

Bella chanced a look at his face, and sure enough he was looking down at her and he was as sexy as hell. She held his gaze a moment too long and clipped the corner of the lockers they were passing, knocking her off balance and into his path. Immediately Edward's arms wrapped around her middle and lifted her up. Bella was trying like crazy to get her feet back under her but she over-compensated and slipped again, accidentally head-butting her would-be savior in the chin.

Bella heard him whisper an expletive when she made contact and wished she could just disappear. Or maybe die. She finally found her footing and pushed away from Edward apologizing repeatedly.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry! I'm such a klutz. I can't seem to keep up with where I'm walking. I'm sorry! Are you hurt? Did I hurt you? Are you bleeding?" Her panic was reaching new heights when she realized that he wasn't lifting his head and was covering the lower half of his face with his hand.

"Dammit! I can't believe I did that! Here, let me look," she grabbed his wrist and used it to lift his head. "Let me see." She pushed his hand out of the way and ran her hand over his chin, looking for any forming knots. Nothing obvious. She ran her finger over his bottom lip and gave a little pressure to pull it down. She didn't see any blood. Maybe his lip wasn't busted.

She was beginning to feel relief that she didn't see an injury. Until his hand covered hers at his mouth. Only then did she really pay attention to what she was doing. Her hand was touching his face, her finger almost in his mouth. And he was close. So very, very close. She could feel his breath on her fingers and heard him swallow heavily.

"Oh God, Bella. What are you doing to me?" he whispered. And then he shifted his head, running her fingertips over his bottom lip again before opening his lips and barely slipping her fingers inside.

Bella couldn't move. His face was so beautiful and fuck but he was sexy. Without even realizing what she was doing she took a step closer to him. She gasped when she felt the tip of his tongue on the sensitive tips of her fingers and felt her nipples harden involuntarily.

"Edward," she breathed as her eyes closed in pleasure.

"Bella," he groaned. "I can't help it. I have to kiss you."

Bella felt his mouth on hers and opened to him without a second thought. She grasped the front of his shirt and held on as his tongue entered her mouth. She could feel the heat and the softness and the deliciousness that was all Edward. She couldn't breath. Her lungs wouldn't expand. She was drowning in him.

The slamming of a door down the next hall snapped them apart. Bella expected to see the look of pure lust she'd seen before, but instead saw a different kind of need; an almost terrified kind of vulnerability. He brushed the hair off her cheek and looked at her mouth again.

"Do you have to go home right now? Can we go get some coffee or something?" He whispered. "Please?"

Bella felt lightheaded and just a bit giddy. She swallowed, still tasting him in her mouth, and nodded. His answering smile made her own smile instantly appear and when they heard footsteps approaching they walked through the door and into the parking lot.

~O~

"Two decafs please." Edward ordered without glancing away from Bella's face. Bella wondered if he could feel the lust from their waitress' gaze. If he did, he gave no indication.

She pulled her cell out of her purse and placed it next to her napkin. It was still set on vibrate from the meeting and she wanted to know if Will's sitter called. She refused to look up. On the one hand, she was afraid that she would see regret on Edward's face. But on the other hand, she was terrified she would see the same look of longing. She couldn't decide which was worse. What would she do?

"Should I apologize?" He asked.

Bella readjusted the phone, making sure it was equidistant at all points from the edge of the napkin. "Do you want to?"

"No," he snorted softly.

Bella couldn't help but look up at his tone. He was watching her every move.

"Then don't," she practically whispered.

The silence stretched between them, even after the waitress brought them coffee. Bella felt a shift in the air. Like Edward had made a decision and was drawing all the courage out of the room and into himself.

"I can't stay away from you, Bella. You're all I think about. I try to put your face out of my mind, to leave you alone, but you're there." He watched her eyes. He looked for any signs of disgust or worse, pity. Seeing none, he continued. "I'm a horrible person Bella. The worst kind of monster. I was married for a long time to someone I hated and I used her and let myself be used. But I don't want to be that person, Bella. I don't want to be that anymore."

Bella watched his face and slowly his words began to sink in through the fog. He was declaring himself. And the longer it took for her to process the more the light faded from his eyes. She still couldn't think of the words she knew needed to be said, but she couldn't let him think the worst. So she slid her hand away from her phone, which rested in perfect symmetry. She reached for his hand and watched as he looked down, making a decision. He hesitated for a moment before meeting her halfway. Their fingers linked them palm to palm.

When her words came, they surprised them both.

"Edward, there are things you should know. Things that might change your mind."

He started to shake his head but Bella squeezed his hand as hard as she dared and interrupted. "Let me say this. I've never told anyone." Her heart started pounding in her chest. Why was she saying this? She was going to blow it. "You think you know me. You think I'm sweet and kind and sheltered. I know you do. I get it all the time."

She tried to pull her hand away but Edward wrapped his fingers tighter around hers and refused to let go.

"But I'm not. I'm a coward. And I'm cold." She looked into his eyes and said what she'd always believed but had never had the courage to verbalize. "I wanted my husband to die. And when he did, I was happier than I had been in a long, long time. And I'm not innocent either. I've been used six ways to Sunday and I never resisted." She felt his fingers loosen slightly and hated herself for spilling herself this way. "I'm a bad person Edward. I'm nothing like you think I am."

Bella immediately felt relief, like a heavy burden had been lifted. Almost at the same time, she felt doubts. Doubts that what she'd always believed, and now had said, were even true.

"No."

Bella looked back up at Edward, her confusion mounting again. Her relief at confession was short-lived. And now she began to feel fear. What if the guilt she'd carried and insulated herself with were wrong. All the therapy had only reached the surface.

"What?"

Bella watched Edward's face soften towards her and at the same time become more determined. "I said, 'No'. You're not those things. I don't know what made you think you were, but you're not." His thumb moved over her wrist in gentle strokes.

"How do you know?" Bella asked, wanting it to be true. "How can you be so sure?"

"I don't know Bella. But I'll tell you what I do know," he assured. "One thing. You are kind and pure and real. I know you. You're not all those things you say you are."

Bella felt the tears spill over before she even knew they were forming. She felt some strange kind of fluttering in her gut, but it took time before she recognized it. It was hope.

**A/N - So sorry for the huge length of time it took me to get this posted. I won't bore you with excuses. **

**I hope you liked it. If you did, or even if you didn't, I'd LOVE to hear from you. Please review! xox**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own a minivan and brand new slippers, but Twilight belongs to Mrs. Meyer. **

**Thanks for all the reviews from last chapter! They made me super happy. This fandom is the bestest. ;o)**

**This chapter contains some harsh themes. Proceed with caution…**

Edward didn't know what made Bella think that she was a monster, but he intended to find out. Even if it took the rest of his life, he would know why Bella hated herself. And why she'd hated her husband. Bella had the tenderest heart of anyone he'd ever met and only a nightmare of a person would be able to make Bella feel glad at their death.

"I know you Bella," he said again, softer this time.

Her tears were still pouring down her face and Edward was glad to be seated in the dim recesses of the coffee shop. He used his napkin to wipe the tears from her chin and then her cheeks.

She shook her head again and reiterated, "You don't know. You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me. Make me understand," he whispered.

Bella only shrugged, like she didn't know where to start.

"Will you answer a question?" He asked.

Bella nodded but she looked worried.

"You say you were happy when your husband died?" He waited for her to nod. "Did he mistreat you, Bella?"

When she nodded, he added, "Did he beat you?"

Bella's head snapped up and tears slipped down her face. She nodded again. Edward felt his stomach roll and was worried for a second that he was going to vomit. Or throw his chair through the window.

"How old were you when you married him?" He squeezed her hand in reassurance.

Her answer was barely audible. "Sixteen."

"Fuck," he muttered. "How long were you with him?"

"Almost two years." She answered, but added "I was leaving him that day. The day his plane crashed."

Edward could only assume that a piece of shit who would marry and then beat the hell out of a teenager was also the kind of crap who would rape her. He wanted to ask but didn't know if he could hear the answer without going berserk. He reached into his pocket and drew out some money, throwing it on the table. He offered her his hand and waited for her to grab her purse before he pulled her toward the door.

When they made it to their cars at the back of the lot, he leaned against her driver's door and pulled her into his arms. She was rigid and unresponsive but he refused to let go. It took almost five minutes before she relaxed. And when she relaxed, she clung to the front of his shirt like a child in a storm.

"It's ok, Bella," he whispered. He kept whispering reassurances into her hair as she trembled. "It's ok."

When her body steadied itself and her trembling eased, Edward heard her take a deep breath and lean further into him.

"Better?" he asked and felt her nod into his chest. "You're not all those things Bella. I'll never believe that." He looked over her head at the back of the Antique Store next door. He was glad for the darkness that hid them from the world. It gave him time to hold her.

"Why?" Her whisper was barely audible even in the quiet.

He smiled. "Because I know you Bella. I know that you have the kindest heart of anyone I've ever met. I don't know how I'm so sure of you, but I am. Can you believe me?" He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head and inhaled her sweetness.

He loosened his hold as she moved off his chest. Her hands came up to play with the top button of his shirt and he could tell she had something to say. As he waited, he slowly rubbed her back in gentle strokes, hoping to calm her and give her courage.

"I've been to counseling. I've heard all the things you're saying to me. Everyone who was around before, said that it wasn't my fault and I had every right to be angry and I was a good person. Blah blah blah. But I've always known how much I hated him and how _happy_ I was when I got the call that he was dead."

Here she paused and Edward felt her swallow. She raised her eyes as far as his chin before dropping them to his chest again. He waited for her to continue and when she didn't, he lifted her chin with his hand and forced her to look at his eyes.

"Bella. He was _wrong_." He looked from her right eye to her left and back again. "Do you hear me? He was wrong. What he _did_ to you was wrong. You were a child. He hurt you and made you feel scared and alone. But you did nothing wrong."

"But…" she started before squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

"But what?" Edward asked, using his fingertips to wipe the tears that were leaking out of her eyes.

"But the things he did to me… and I let him. I let him. I even initiated sometimes." Her voice was shaking again.

"Did you initiate to keep him from doing something worse?" he guessed.

Bella nodded her head repeatedly.

"Did it work?"

"Sometimes." She opened her eyes expecting to see anger or disgust but only saw concern. "Sometimes." 

Edward nodded.

"Where was your family?" he wondered aloud.

"My mom left when I was young and my dad was so deep in the bottle by then," she told his adam's apple. "Emmett was at college but he knew something was wrong. He told me to call him when I was ready to get out."

"Did you?" he asked as he tucked her hair behind her ear. She was so beautiful. He would have never guessed that she held so much strength. Or so much pain.

"I had my bags packed and Emmett was almost to my house to get me and Will when I got the call." She smiled at the memory. "I was jumping for joy when Em got there."

Edward smiled back at her. "You were free. Of course you would be happy."

Bella's smile widened and she nodded. "I was. I was free."

"What did you do then?"

"Lived as best I could. I sold the house. Moved to live near Emmett." She looked into Edward's eyes again. "I got my GED and went to community college."

Edward chuckled. "Good for you!" He put his arms around her again and gave her a squeeze. "You made a life for you and your son."

Bella laid her head on his chest again. "But I've always felt guilty. And afraid. And dirty."

Edward said nothing, only tightened his grip on her.

"I just never wanted to date. Dating led to a relationship and relationships lead to sex. And…" Edward felt her arms slide around his waist. "And I couldn't bear the thoughts of it."

Edward completely understood. "I know what you mean. I never want to have empty sex again."

Bella leaned back to look at him in surprise. "Really? But don't you ever get aroused?"

Edward laughed out loud. "Who said anything about not being aroused? Of course I get aroused. Like every time I think of you." Oops. Did he say that out loud?

He saw her eyes get wide and felt her go completely still in his arms.

"Sorry. Did I say that out loud?" He asked lightly. He was afraid she would run any second.

Bella stared at him with wide eyes and gave no outward response. Edward didn't know what to say to make it better. He moved away a few inches to hopefully make her feel less threatened. He was about to release her and apologize again when she spoke.

"Oh, I'm so glad," she breathed.

Of all the things he thought she was going to say, _that_ was not it. In fact, it was the _last_ thing he thought she'd say. He felt his own eyes widen as he tried to process what in the hell that could mean.

"You… you're… um, glad?" he choked out.

She nodded and laid her head back on his chest and tightened her grip once again. "Is that bad?"

Edward chuckled and hugged her. "Um, no. Are you crazy? No! That's… well, that's fucking awesome."

He felt Bella giggle against his chest and wondered if she was listening to his heart rate speed up. He also wondered if she could feel him hardening against her stomach.

"Edward?" she whispered.

He had to clear his throat like a twelve year old boy before he could answer. "Yeah?" he croaked.

"Can I tell you something? Something secret and terrifying?"

He nodded and belatedly remembered that since her head was still resting over his heart, she couldn't see him nod. "Yes, please."

She squeezed him tightly and leaned back to see his face. Edward watched as her eyes slowly, almost reluctantly, make their way to his face. When they finally met his, she spoke softly.

"I really like you, Edward."

He couldn't help the grin that appeared on his face; her one sweet, naïve statement meant more to him that anything ever had.

"I like you too, Bella." He couldn't resist teasing her a little. "I mean I don't just _like _you; I _like like_ you." He waggled his eyebrows at her and chuckled.

Bella's smile crinkled her eyes at the corners as she beamed up at him. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really really."

He waited to see what she would say next. She seemed different; more alive somehow. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. She seemed fragile to him in light of their conversation. He watched her eyes as they took in his smile, her own smile widening.

"So, would you like to…" she paused to clear her throat and lick her lips, nervous again.

"Yes," he answered with a chuckle.

"But I haven't asked yet," she looked at him, confused.

He shrugged and linked his fingers together behind her back. "It doesn't matter what you ask. Whatever you want to do, yes. Go on a date? Yes. Clean out your garage? Yes. Fly to Italy? Sure thing. Whatever, as long as I get to be with you."

"Oh. Well in that case," she whispered. And then Edward was shocked again when she rose up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. He felt her fingers slide into his hair and moaned.

She was nibbling at his bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth and stroking it with her tongue. Edward breathed her in and groaned as the sensation of her tongue on him shot straight to his belly.

He pulled her closer to himself and spread his hands over her back, kneading slightly. His tongue slid out to meet hers. When he made contact, something sparked in her. Her hands tightened in his hair and her mouth became more insistent. He was holding himself in check until her heard her groan wantonly into his mouth.

He flipped them so that her back was against the car. He angled his head to get a deeper angle and stroked the inside of her mouth with tongue. Her right hand slid down his neck to his shoulder where she gripped hard. Something about the movement, the tightness of her hand, something, made him almost desperate for her.

He lifted her left leg up to his hip and pushed into her hips with his hardness, making them both gasp.

"Oh my god," she panted. "Edward."

Edward couldn't help the growl that started deep in his throat when she dropped her head back onto the car, baring her neck to him. He bit and licked his way down her jaw to her neck. He could feel one of her hands gripping his bicep, even as the other was smoothing through his hair at the back of his head.

He could feel himself losing control. He placed one more open-mouthed kiss on her mouth before pulling away.

"Wow," he panted into her neck, resting his head on her shoulder.

He felt Bella's body trembling and her hands clutching and loosening in his hair. He slid his hands to her backside and pulled her more tightly to himself while trying to catch his breath.

"Is that...," Bella whispered while placing soft kisses to his head. "is that what it's like?"

Edward lifted his head and looked down at her in complete confusion. "What _what's_ like?"

Bella leaned her head back to rest on the roof of her car and looked up at the stars with a look of complete contentment. Edward couldn't help but smile. He slid his hands up from her backside to run them through her hair. The heat between them melted into a gentle simmer and Edward sighed happily.

"Desire. True desire." Bella sighed too and looked into Edward's face. "I've never felt it before."

"Never?" he asked as he rubbed her bottom lip with his thumb.

Bella was looking at him with shining eyes as if he were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"I've felt it to a much smaller degree, I guess. But to feel it flowing back and forth between us, heaping up and spilling over… that was… _wonderful_." She whispered the last word reverently.

"Yes, it was." He searched her eyes for hints of what she was feeling. All he saw was open contentment and it made his heart open even wider. "I _really_ like you, Bella." He said through his chuckle. "I think you're wonderful."

"Can we do that again?" she asked innocently and Edward was reminded that although she was a grown woman and had been married, she had never been loved. Not that he loved her, of course. It was too soon for that, he told himself.

"Oh, believe me. We'll do that again." He leaned down to place gentle kisses along her jaw and ear. "But if we do that again, right now," he breathed in her ear, making her shiver against him, "I might not be able to stop." He listened to her moan quietly and reveled in the feeling of her hands sliding over his arms and shoulders and into his hair.

"_You're so beautiful, Isabella_," he whispered against her ear.

A second too late, he felt her tense in his arms, becoming rigid and defensive. She started squirming and pushing him. He released her and held his hands in the air. She was chanting "No. No. No." under her breath as she frantically clawed herself away from him. Her whole body was shaking and her words were running together. Edward watched her in shock.

"Bella? What did I do?" he asked quietly, afraid to touch her. Her eyes were wild, unseeing. Her breathing labored and heavy. "Bella? I'm sorry. What did I do?"

She looked at him wildly, her hands yanking at her own hair, still whispering, "No, no. Stop it! Stop it!"

"Bella?" he asked a little more loudly.

Her eyes focused on him finally and he was almost undone when she started to cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks and he heard her gasping for breath as sobs started shaking her small body.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He didn't know what had happened. One minute she was smiling and horny as hell, the next she was having what he could only assume was a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder attack.

"Bella? It's okay. I'm sorry." He knew he was rambling but had no idea how to stop, or what to say. "I'm so sorry. Tell me what I did. Tell me what happened. Please," he begged.

Bella only sobbed and clutched her head in her hands. He could hear her muttering _Stop it _under her breath.

Edward watched in agony as she tried to calm herself. Her words were no longer only "No, please, no." Now she was whispering her apologies as she cried.

He wanted desperately to hold her and make the terror she felt disappear. He held his arms out to her and prayed that she would come to him. She looked up at him with such a broken expression he felt tears forming in his own eyes. "Bella…" he whispered.

She finally came to him and although she didn't touch him, she allowed him to put his arms around her again.

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her words broken by shuddering breaths that still racked her. "I don't know what happened."

Edward held her until she was calm and asked once again, "What did I do? Please tell me so I'll never do it again. Please?"

She hiccupped and wiped her face with her hand. "It's stupid. Stupid. I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm a freak." She took a breath and then said, he thought to herself, "Stop it!"

Edward took her hand away from her face and used his own hand to wipe her tears. He could feel her whole body shaking. "You're not a freak. And you have nothing to be sorry for. Please… tell me what just happened."

He was not encouraged when she turned away from him and wrapped her arms around herself.

"It's so stupid. I know you're not him. I know you won't hurt me. I know that. But I can't help it. It's so stupid!" Edward could hear the panic starting to rise in her voice again.

"Bella, it's not stupid! It's not." He caught her left hand in his own and held it to his face. She looked up into his eyes and he saw fear and shame in them. "Tell me."

"It's just, that when you called me beautiful and you used my full name, it made me forget where I was and I… I mean, he…" She looked away from him then, turning her face into the darkness. The hand he held to his face felt rigid, like a bird's claw. "_He_ used to say that."

"James?"

Bella nodded her head and Edward was struck by the utter tragedy of her posture. "He called you that when he was," his voice dropped to a whisper, "raping you?"

Again, she only nodded.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you. And I'm even sorrier that he's dead."

That got her attention. Her eyes were wide and terrified when she whipped her head around to look at him.

"I would love to kill him myself. Slowly and painfully. Maybe pound his head into mush." Edward's voice was low and harsh with anger. But when he looked at Bella again, everything about him softened.

"I won't hurt you Bella. I would never hurt you." He gentled his hold on her hand. Will you let me hold you again?"

He held out one hand and waited for a long minute for Bella to place her other hand in it. When she did, he slowly lowered his head, watching her all the while, and kissed it.

"I'll take care of you Bella. I promise I will," he said softly.

Edward waited for her to respond. He watched her shoulders relax and the fear slowly leave her eyes. She watched him as he turned his head into her hand that he still held to his cheek. Edward felt her breath stutter out when he placed a soft kiss to her palm.

"I know you will Edward. I know," she responded.

**A/N – I'm a little nervous about the response to this chapter. I mean no disrespect to the subject matter. I, myself, suffer from PTSD and tried to be as true to the feeling of it as I could. There are many of us out here and the powerlessness we feel seems very real. It takes the love of a supremely strong man to right the terrible wrongs. PTSD strikes in unexpected ways. One second, you feel completely in control and normal; and the next second, you're right back in the middle of the traumatic experience. With me, there is usually a small area of my brain that knows I'm safe and it screams at me to stop being so stupid. Docs tell me this normal. **

**Anyways…**

**Leave me a review and let me know what you think. Thanks!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks so much for the reviews and the adds. It's so encouraging. Makes me wanna write something. *wink***

**As with the last chapter, this chapter has subject matter that might be disturbing to some readers. Proceed with caution. **

**Disclaimer: Although obsessed, and even though I really, deep-down, think vampires are real (**_**My husband says, "Yeah, thanks for that, Ms. Meyer."),**_** I don't own them… **

BPOV

He was here. Oh my god. He was here. She could feel his breath on her cheek and his horrible, horrible hands on her body. She had to get away. There was a time when she would make herself smile and lie still, but that was before. That was before…

She had to fight. She felt the panic rise up in her gut and fought with everything in her. It took a minute to realize that the hands weren't on her anymore. He was gone… Was he? Her mind was fuzzy, like she was caught between sleeping and waking. She opened her eyes and something penetrated her terror. She wasn't at home. James was nowhere to be seen.

She was fighting to remember something. Something important. James… she could feel his hot breath on her neck. She could hear his menacing whisper in her ear, "You're so beautiful, Isabella." The way he whispered her full name always an indication of something dreadful.

But, James was dead. She remembered now. James was dead. Dead!

Her mind fragmented in two. One side, the rational side, was chanting over and over again, "Stop it! James is dead. You're acting crazy. This is stupid. Stop it!"

While the other side of her, the scarred tormented side, controlled her body. It told her to run, fight, hide, get away. It made her remember the exact smell of James' breath and sweat. It made her feel his hands digging into her flesh, ripping at her clothes. It made her hear his voice.

She looked wildly around the darkened parking lot.

_He's here. He's going to do it again. _

Stop it! This is stupid. You're being stupid!

_Where is he? I can smell him. Look for him! Find him!_

Stop it! Stop it. Stop it.

Then another voice penetrated her confusion. A different voice. A beautiful voice.

"Bella? I'm sorry." Such a sweet sound… _Edward._

Her rational self got louder and started to drown out the panic. _Stop it, stop it, stop it. This is stupid. This is STUPID._

"Bella, I'm sorry. Tell me what I did. Tell me what happened." She could hear the desperation in his voice and her heart broke a little. She felt defective and broken; so broken. It wasn't until she tried to take a deep breath that she realized she was crying. No, not crying; sobbing. She felt her chest convulse and thought her heart was irreversibly shattered.

She looked up and was able to focus on Edward finally. He was standing perfectly still and instead of the pity or rejection she was afraid would be in his eyes, she saw tears. His arms were outstretched, waiting for her. Her body was still shaking with the need to run and fight but when she heard him utter her name with such devastation, she moved toward him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her quietly. She could hear his heartbeat and the small, reassuring sounds he was making as he shushed her.

It took a few minutes but eventually her mind calmed itself and she was able to think. And feel. Her feelings of shame were overwhelming. Why had she freaked out like that? Something like that had never happened to her before. It seemed now, after the fact, to be childish and ridiculous. Why couldn't she just control herself?

But another part of her still shuddered with fear. It had seemed so real. All of her senses had responded like she was still back in that place… back where James could humiliate her and hurt her.

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her words broken by the shuddering breaths that still racked her. "I don't know what happened."

She felt Edward's hands stroking her back and relaxed into him a little more. She felt his breath heat up a small spot on her scalp as he whispered, "What did I do? Please tell me so I'll never do it again. Please?"

She hiccupped and wiped her face with her hand, trying to wipe away the shame she felt. "It's stupid. Stupid. I'm so sorry, Edward. I feel like a freak." She could feel the panic rising again and told her brain to stop it.

Her whole body was shaking, but Edward's arms were so steady. She clung to him and took deep breaths.

"You're not a freak, Bella. And you have nothing to be sorry for. Please… tell me what just happened."

Bella had no idea what had happened so all she could do was tell him how it had felt. She had never felt so broken before. When James was alive, there was an actual person to fight; but this? This was like fighting a phantom, a ghost. No matter where she went in life, she would always carry this brokenness with her.

The pain would have overwhelmed her if not for Edward's arms around her and his softly spoken reassurances. Bella would never have guessed that a night that started with her sitting uncomfortably in a board meeting would end with a declaration.

"I'll take care of you, Bella. I promise I will."

Bella had no doubt that he would try. She felt his hand steady in her own; felt his kiss on her palm, and she knew he was a good man. She wondered why he was divorcing his wife. She wanted to be afraid of him, but it wasn't in her heart to fear him. She looked into his eyes and knew.

"I know you will, Edward. I know."

"Will you let me take you home? We can come back here in the morning to get your car."

Bella looked around and shook her head. "No, I don't want people to talk. I'm fine to drive."

Edward's brow creased in concern. "Are you sure? I don't mind."

Bella felt more at ease now. "I'm sure. But thank you Edward." She squeezed his hand a little tighter and smiled. "Would it make you feel better to follow me? I could make coffee." She pulled her hands free and started digging in her purse for her keys. "Or I have some chocolate chip ice cream." She lifted her keys out and grinned at him.

She was happy when he smiled back. "Sounds good to me."

~O~

When Edward followed her home after her crying fit, she asked him to come in for coffee, but he very politely declined, saying he had an early morning the next day. Bella still wondered if he was telling the truth. She was tossing and turning in her bed wondering if he was afraid of her now. What could she have done to stop the remembering?

She was organizing a mental list of ways to show Edward that she wasn't insane when she heard her phone signal a text message. She glanced at the clock and wondered who would be texting her after midnight.

Curiosity got the better of her and she flung back the covers. Padding lightly to her kitchen, she dug into her purse to find her phone. There was no moonlight tonight to help light her way. She glanced at the light switch but decided to not turn it on. She knew from experience that if she did, she would be fully awake again. She switched on the stove hood's light and rummaged through her bag again. She smiled when she finally found it.

**I shouldve stayed. Can't sleep nyway. I hope ur ok now. call u 2morrow? - E**

Bella smiled and held the phone for almost a full minute before carrying it with her back to bed. She bit her lip and stared at the phone once she was settled against the pillows. Should she? Taking a deep breath, she dialed.

"Hey," his voice sounded like warmth and sex and sleep combined.

"Hey." She was now out of words.

"You got my text?" Bella couldn't help the shiver that ran through her at the softness of his voice.

"Yes. It took me a minute to find my phone. It was at the bottom of my purse."

She heard the soft rumble of his voice and waited.

"I didn't wake you then?"

"Oh no. I was tossing and turning. Making lists."

Edward chuckled. "Lists, huh? What kind of lists?"

Bella shrugged even though he couldn't see her. "Just lists."

Edward chuckled again. "Oh. I get it. Secret lists." Bella could almost hear the eyebrow waggle that accompanied the word secret.

"No. Not secret as much as private." She tried to make it sound better.

"Heck, yeah. I like 'private' much better." He teased.

Now it was Bella's turn to laugh. "You're so gross. No. If you must know, I was making a list of ways to convince you that I'm not insane."

She heard Edward take a quick breath. "Oh Bella. Sweetheart, I don't think you're crazy."

The smile on Bella's face was completely involuntary. "Really?" She whispered.

Edward's voice was soft, matching hers. "Really."

Bella swallowed her fear and whispered, "Well I do."

"Oh Bella. Don't say that."

Bella didn't know why she was whispering; Will was fast asleep and she was alone in her room. "Edward. You don't know what it felt like. It was like I was split in two. One part of me was still in control; it was like I was observing myself. The other part was," she hated admitting the things that might make Edward angry. "the other piece of me was terrified. I felt like the person I used to be; like James was right there."

Edward was quiet on the other end of the line but Bella could hear what must be his sheets rustling. "Bella, listen to me. Please? Just open your heart for one second and believe that what I'm about to say is the truth. Okay?"

Bella took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. She knew that Edward would be honest with her. She trusted him. "Okay, Edward."

"You went through unbelievable trauma. It's normal for your mind to have a response to it. You are not broken, Bella. You're not. Can you hear me?" His voice was deeper, more earnest somehow.

"I hear you." Her voice was so low she wondered if he could hear her.

"Yes, but do you believe me?" he asked.

"I want to. So badly, I want to."

~O~

Bella sat at the ballpark a few days later and thought on her life. She had a job that she enjoyed and a boss who made her life fun. Her son was doing well in school as well as sports. He was happy. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was happy, too.

She looked up from the book she was pretending to read and caught Edward looking her way. She smiled and gave a slight lift of her hand in greeting. His answering smile made her heart skip a beat. He was so amazingly beautiful. She looked back down at her book to hide her blush. She didn't want anyone else to realize what was going on between her and the coach. Edward was still in the beginning of his divorce and she had no idea what was going on in that area. He'd never talked about it. It was widely known that he was getting divorced but no details had leaked out.

Bella looked around at the women sitting around the fence and wondered if they knew any gossip. She glanced back at Edward but he was working with his players. She had a feeling that she should ignore gossip about him, but he wasn't talking. And she was dying of curiosity.

She dropped her book and made her way towards the bathrooms. On her way, she tried to think of a reason to stop and make conversation with someone. But as it turned out, she didn't need a reason.

"Ms. Swan!"

Bella returned the smile and made her way over to Vanessa. "Please, call me Bella."

"Sure, Bella." Vanessa answered kindly. "So, do you have the game schedule yet?"

Bella sighed and shook her head. "Not yet. I asked Coach Masen about it before practice and he still hasn't gotten it from the board. But it should be soon. Sometime this week."

"But our first game is in less than two weeks," was the mom's frustrated reply.

"Believe me I know," Bella sighed. "I still need to look up directions to the away games, print things out, compose the emails, all kinds of things. That's why I keep bugging Coach about it." She glanced toward the field again. "I'm afraid he's going to get sick of me."

"Oh I'm sure that's not true." Vanessa smiled reassuringly. "He's probably just stressed out about his divorce."

Here was her chance. She put on her most innocent face and asked simply, "You think?"

She knew she had won when the other mom glanced around to make sure no one was listening. "Well. I heard that Coach Masen came home one night and found his wife…" she paused to look around again, "and the mailman, you know…" She paused and raised her eyebrows.

Bella's heart clenched and she wished that she had never given in to curiosity. "That's so horrible. He must have been devastated."

Vanessa just shook her head and got a gleam in her eye. "I don't think so. It wasn't the first time, in my opinion. Lauren Masen is a horrible person. Mean as a snake, too."

Bella was desperately trying to think of a way to get out of this conversation. She didn't want to know these things.

Vanessa's voice lowered and she looked out on the field in Edward's direction, "Frankly, I don't know why he stayed with her for all the years he has. I mean he is absolutely gorgeous. He could have any woman that he wanted. I know when Jack and I were separated, I gave it a shot. But he pretended not to notice." She paused and watched Edward with undisguised lust in her eyes. "He is positively edible."

Bella felt hot with embarrassment. She too was looking at Edward but instead of imagining him naked, she was wondering what his life must have been like. He happened to glance over and caught her looking his way again. He smiled and gave a little wave, making Bella panic.

She heard Vanessa hum with pleasure. "Well he seems to be in a better mood than any time in the recent past." She glanced over at Bella with a grin, "Maybe I'll give it another try."

Bella's brows wrinkled in confusion, "Are you and Jack separated again?"

Vanessa just grinned more wickedly, "Nope."

"Oh, well. Um, okay. Oh look there's… someone… uh, I need to talk to her." She forced a smile at the woman beside her and started to move away. "I'll email you that schedule when I get it. Bye."

Bella walked straight to the bathroom and stood in a stall until she could get her blush under control. What had she done? Instead of just asking Edward about his marriage, she now knew his wife was a whore – Edward knew it – and everyone wanted to have sex with him. Jeez. She should have left well enough alone.

Ten minutes later found her gathering her stuff up after practice. Edward stopped by her chair to say hi, but she told him she was in a hurry and left as quickly as possible. Edward might have been confused but there was nothing she could do about that now. She needed to get out of there.

**Everything ok? – E**

**Sure. Just needed to get home. – B**

**Wanna go out 2morrow? Maybe a movie? –E**

**We'll c. I'll call u n the am. K? –B**

**K – E**

Bella then spent the remainder of her night tossing and turning. She wanted Edward to divorce Lauren, and not just for her own selfish gain. Lauren was emotionally abusive to him and slept around. Edward could get a disease or something. But she also didn't want Lauren, or anyone else for that matter, to think that he was leaving his wife because of Bella.

Bella alternated imagining scenarios where she hid from Lauren behind shelves at the store and ones where she walked right up to Lauren and beat the stuffing out of her. Neither scenario made her feel particularly better about things. She sighed and grabbed her pillow. She might as well sleep on the sofa and watch television. She knew she couldn't pretend like it didn't bother her. But she wondered why Edward hadn't said anything to her. She sighed again as she turned on the TV. She needed to talk to Edward.

**A/N Dum dum dum...**

**Edward needs to tell her some things, don't you think? Let me know what you think! Click that little button right down there…**


	14. Chapter 14

Edward looked at his phone for a solid five minutes before setting it down. That was twice now that Bella had cut him off. What in the world was going on with her? Had she changed her mind? He stood next to his bed and stared at his phone the whole time he was stripping for his shower.

Bella smiled at him several times during practice. She even waved a couple of times. He rubbed his chest thoughtfully and made his way to the shower. As he thought back over the night, he tried to figure out where things went wrong. She talked to him before practice. She even blushed and flirted a little bit. Edward felt the familiar tightening in his groin at the memory. He ignored it and closed his eyes to remember the rest of practice. She smiled at him when he caught her eye while she was reading. She smiled at him again when she was standing by the fence talking to… _shit_. Shit. Shit. Shit. _Vanessa._

Edward groaned and thumped his head against the tiled wall of the shower. Vanessa. There was no telling what she had told Bella. The woman had been trying to get in his pants for years now. He always acted oblivious, but he was really just disgusted. She was married, had two kids and was caring for her aging father, but every time she found herself alone with Edward, she touched him or asked him over for dinner while her husband was out of town. He shampooed his hair roughly and wondered what Vanessa had told Bella. He needed to know. He _had_ to know.

Vanessa had been nothing but trouble since the first time he met her. She was prone to inventing gossip if there wasn't anything juicy enough to tell, and now Bella had heard God knows what. Edward thumped his head once more. There was nothing he could do about it. Not tonight anyway.

He finished his shower and stared at his reflection in the mirror. The steam completely clouded the mirror and for some reason it pleased him, like the mirror was reflecting the confusion in his mind. He thought back to the night in the coffee shop parking lot. Bella in his arms, her brokenness, and his overwhelming desire to protect her. Whatever that skank said to her, he needed to correct it. Make it right. But how? His reflection glared back at him as he ran his fingers through his hair.

He blinked and scowled when there was a knock on the door. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he opened the door to find his sister holding her phone in his face.

"What did you do?" she asked with brow raised.

Edward looked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Bella?" Alice asked by way of explanation. Edward's stomach fell.

"What do you mean?" His mind raced with possible scenarios. Had Bella told Alice what had happened?

"I just talked to her and she sounds terrible, like her best friend just died. And I want to know what's going on." Alice's face held no anger, only worry.

"What makes you think I would know?"

Alice actually laughed at that. "Seriously, Edward? Do I look stupid?"

Edward leaned his forehead on the doorframe and sighed. "What do you want, Alice?"

"Why don't you put some pants on, Mr. Naked, and then come to the kitchen? K?"

Edward was suddenly very tired. He lifted his gaze to his sister's determined face.

"And don't give me 'the eyes' either. Not going to work." But her face softened and she lifted a hand to his cheek. "I won't hurt you. Promise." She offered him a smile.

"Alice, I'm so damned tired."

She stepped past him into his room and yanked his towel off as she went, leaving him bare ass naked. She tossed him his sweats off the bed, keeping her back turned.

"Five, four, three, two," she counted down. She could hear him cursing under his breath.

"Fine! Done." He growled. He tried to keep his voice and eyes hard but the smile on his little sister's face always melted him a little. So when she grabbed his hand and towed him to the kitchen, he went along willingly.

She dropped his hand as she passed a chair and he dropped into it with a huff. Without a word, she poured him a cup of decaf and put just the right amount of creamer in it. Handing it to him, she curled her legs under her in the chair next to his.

"She's it for you, Edward," she said softly.

Edward rested his head in his hand and stared into his coffee. "You can't possibly know that Alice."

"Of course I can," she answered.

Edward turned his head to look at his sister. She stared back unblinkingly. He remembered all the times over the years that she had told him things she '_knew'_ that eventually happened and couldn't find an argument. Finally he just raised his eyebrows and waited.

She saw his acceptance and smiled. "What happened?"

Edward shook his head, "I don't know. Truly, I don't." He looked back into his coffee as he drank. "We had coffee last week. We talked for hours. We've been talking on the phone, texting, emailing. I thought everything was okay, but then tonight…" He groaned. "Tonight, she talked to Vanessa. And after that, she avoided me. Blew me off."

"Huh."

Edward stared at her. "After all that, all I get's a _huh_. Really?"

Alice rolled her eyes again, "I'm thinking. Give me a minute." She looked into midair and chewed her bottom lip. Then her head whipped around to show her narrowed eyes. "Did you tell her about Lauren?"

"Tell who?"

"Duh. I swear, Edward. How do you find your way in out of the rain?" She shook her head. "Bella? Did you tell Bella about Lauren?"

Edward shook his head and wondered where Alice was going with this.

Alice looked relieved and nodded. "Okay. I think I know what's going on." She settled back into her seat and prepared to enlighten him. Before she could impart her wisdom, Edward interrupted.

"Wait a second. How did you even know that we were involved?" He was genuinely curious.

"Oh that was obvious." She waved her hand to dismiss it but he caught her wrist and she knew she needed to explain. "Okay. Okay!" She flicked her wrist to break his hold.

"Well, there are the looks that pass between you. I'm surprised every pair of panties within a ten mile radius don't combust with the way you look at her sometimes." She chuckled at Edward's look of discomfort. "And then the week after she came to your house to pick up Will, she skipped every practice. Something happened. And since neither one of you acted like anything was the matter and never mentioned it to me, what else could it be?"

Edward looked at her with eyes the size of a harvest moon. But Alice had more.

"That week, Bella told me about her ex and how lonely she was. She would just float away and get lost in her own little world. I could tell something was eating away at her. I just didn't know, for sure, what it was." She looked hard at Edward's face and continued. "Until the Saturday that you showed up at my house and she took off. I knew then that she was really into you. I just didn't know if you were into her."

"And now?" he asked.

Alice looked hard at him and took a deep breath. "And now…" she nodded. "I know that you are. I don't know how, or why I know that, but I do." She rested her cheek on her closed fist and wrinkled her brow. "So why didn't you tell her about Lauren?"

"Is it that important?" Edward knew it was but hated the thought of expressing his failures and weakness to Bella. He ran his hands through his damp hair in frustration.

Alice surprised him, "Nah. Probably not. Bella doesn't care if you're married, I'm sure."

Edward narrowed his eyes at his sister's sarcasm.

"Have you told her _anything_?"

Edward dropped his forehead to rest on the edge of the table. "No."

He heard Alice's answering growl. "I know I need to. And I will. I just don't know how to start." He looked up at Alice, "How do I start?"

Alice's eyes softened and she ran her hand over his wild hair, "You just… _start._"

Thirty minutes later, Edward was knocking gently on Bella's front door. He looked at his watch again. It was almost midnight and he didn't want to wake her if she was already asleep. He lifted his hand to knock again but stuck it in his pocket instead. No. She was asleep. He would have to wait 'til tomorrow. He grabbed at his hair for the hundredth time and wished he could yank it out.

As he turned to walk away, he heard movement and paused, his heart pounding in his chest. The door cracked open and he saw Bella's face appear.

Bella's blush confused him more. Was she glad to see him? Thinking about what Vanessa had said? Angry, maybe? Hurt? Confused?

He moved closer to the doorway and leaned his head on it. "I need to know what's wrong," he stated softly. "I won't be able to sleep at all. Did I do something wrong?"

Bella's eyes were the size of saucers as she took in his crazy hair and worried eyes.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked quietly. "Will's asleep but I need to go check on him." She turned to leave but paused to look back. "Do you want to sit on the back porch?"

Edward now felt as nervous as a first date. "Sure. Ok. I'll just go outside."

He had barely sat down on the porch swing when Bella slipped out the back door, leaving it cracked in case Will needed her. She crossed to where he was swinging and sat next to him. They sat in silence for a while and listened to the deafening sound of the frogs and cicadas.

"Did you know," she whispered, looking out into the night, "they're praying."

"Who?" he whispered back with furrowed brows.

"The frogs." She stated as though it were obvious. "That's what my Granny always said. When you hear the bullfrogs croakin' like that, they're prayin' for rain."

Edward smiled. He took a chance and reached for her hand. His smile widened when she laced her fingers with his. They sat in silence for several more minutes listening to the summer sounds around them.

"I wonder if the frogs pray in other parts of the world too. Or is it just here in the South?" she mused aloud.

Edward gave her hand a squeeze. "I don't know. I never thought about it."

He smiled as he thought about it. Looking into the night sky, he listened to Bella breathing beside him and enjoyed the moment.

"I was embarrassed," she stated quietly, apropos of nothing.

Edward knew she was finally answering the question that was burning in his gut. He turned to look at her profile, "Why?"

He saw and felt her shrug. "Lots of reasons, I guess."

He bumped her shoulder gently with his own and asked, "Can you give me one? Maybe two?"

He looked back into the sky and waited. He smiled when he felt the weight of her head on his shoulder.

"I listened to gossip about you. Please don't be mad." Her voice a whisper against him.

Edward sighed. "I figured as much. What did she say?"

"Who?"

"Vanessa. I saw you talking to her and then you didn't want to look at me anymore."

"She just has a crush on you, is all."

Edward snorted a bitter laugh. "No," he corrected. "She wants to..." How to put this in a non-vulgar way? "She wants to screw my brains out, but she does _not_ have a 'crush'. She couldn't care less about me."

Bella snuggled deeper into his side. "No, I suppose you're right. She just lusts after your body."

Edward's chuckle was genuine now. "Nice, Bella. You sound so prah-pah," he teased, dropping the 'r's in 'proper' the way his grandmother always had. "Okay, what was the second reason?"

Bella's head was tilted up to look at the stars and he had the perfect view of her beautiful face. He saw her face scrunch up at his question.

"One more," he prompted.

Bella closed her eyes and answered, "I was embarrassed because I listened to her gossiping about you and your wife."

"Ex-wife," Edward stated firmly.

Bella lifted her head to look him in the face, "No. Not 'ex-wife'. Not yet, anyways."

"But soon." Edward promised her. "Bella there are some things I should tell you. Things about my marriage that I've never told anyone. Can I tell you?"

Bella rested her head on his shoulder again, "If you want. But you don't have to."

Edward squeezed her hand. "I want to."

He told her about coming home from boot camp, about Lauren, about the heating and air guy in his bedroom, about his shame and anger, all of it. "There are so many things that I'm ashamed of, Bella. So many things I wish I could go back and do differently."

"But you can't. What's done is done. All we can do is try to live our lives from here – and be free. Without fear and regret." She whispered against his bicep.

He was quiet for a long second before turning his face into her hair.

"Bella, I think I'm falling in love with you," he whispered.

**A/N:**

**I hope you're smiling! I know I am. ;o)**

**Just a note:**

**I've reread the whole story in one sitting and noticed some inconsistencies. I think at one point I wrote that Alice had a daughter too and then she just disappeared. Same with Lauren's dog. Oh well. That's what happens when I write for the pure fun of the moment and don't take better care. So sorry. I'm learning as I go. And this is very different from writing non-fiction or curriculum, which is what I'm used to doing! But I'm having fun and I hope you are too. Thanks for keeping with me and being so encouraging!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Don't own Twilight…**

"_Bella, I think I'm falling in love with you." He whispered into her hair. _

Bella's heart swelled. She already knew she loved Edward. There was no doubt. And there was no doubt that she would never love anyone else. Edward was broken too. No one could ever understand her the way he could. And no one could ever understand him the way she could. They belonged to each other.

She looked up at Edward and his face was turned to her, his eyes dark in the midnight air. She turned in the swing to sit on her knees, bringing her face close to his. She heard him breathe her in.

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

Edward nodded his head very slowly and kept his gaze fixed on her face. Bella leaned into him, her eyes wide. Just before her lips touched his, she breathed out, "Me too."

Edward's eyes crinkled at the edges with his smile and Bella smiled in return as she made contact. His lips felt soft against her own when she pressed into him. Her eyes drifted shut at the quiet pleasure of being near him. His breath whispered in her ears. He pressed kiss after kiss to her lips, making her moan softly.

She felt a hand on her hip and she shifted her weight until she was sitting sideways in his lap, his other hand stroking the side of her neck. She drew in his scent and opened her mouth under his. His tongue touched hers and she slid her arms around his neck, burying her hands in his hair.

Bella had no fear, no worry, in that moment. Edward was hers. His heart belonged to her. She tilted her head to take more of him into her mouth and groaned at the taste of him on her tongue. He was sweeter than heaven. Her past, her shame all disappeared as if they had never existed. She heard the frogs praying and the wind sliding through the flowers around them. She felt him moan under her and tightened her hands in his hair.

When Edward pulled away, she rested her head on his chest and sighed in contentment. She felt his chuckle before she heard it and pressed her palm to his heart to feel it pounding.

"I was wrong," he whispered. "I don't think… I know. I'm falling in love with you, Bella."

"I'm glad," she answered.

They sat in silence for a long time, lost in their thoughts. Bella could hear Edward's heart softly pounding under her cheek and began to feel drowsy. She knew she ought to tell him good night but she was genuinely, truly content for the first time in her life and she couldn't bear it ending. She listened to his breathing, felt his hand playing with her hair and smelled the sweetness that was Edward. Before she knew it, she was drifting off.

The next morning Bella woke slowly. She stretched languidly, tangling her legs in the sheets and smiling. Edward's face was the first thing in her mind. The last thing she remembered was his face over hers in the darkness as he laid her gently on her bed.

"Can you sleep now?" he had asked as he brushed the hair from her forehead.

Bella remembered smiling and trying to see his face in the darkness. "Um hum."

"Good." He'd leaned down to kiss her cheek. "Good night then baby. Call me when you wake up?"

"M'kay," she captured his hand against her cheek and held on. She felt his weight shift the mattress when he sat down.

That was the last thing she remembered. And now, it was a new day and Edward was falling in love with her. She smiled and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. What time was it? She looked at the clock and bit her lip when she saw it was only 7:28. He was probably still asleep. She decided to wait until eight to call. No need to pester him.

She was standing at the back door staring at the porch swing when her phone buzzed with a text message.

**Good morning! Are you awake yet? Call me when u get a chance. – E**

Bella grinned and hugged her phone before calling him.

"Hi," his voice was soft and relieved.

Bella smiled, "Hi, yourself."

"So," he started. "Today's our last free Saturday before games start. Do you have plans?"

"Well, Alice and I were going to take the boys to the lake. Do you want to come?" She crossed her fingers like a little girl, hoping that he would say yes.

"If Alice will let me…" he chuckled.

Bella smiled. "You should ask her. I'm sure she's awake; she hardly ever sleeps."

Edward groaned. "Don't I know it. She was vacuuming the hallway before seven this morning."

"Haven't you talked to her today?" Bella asked curiously.

"Hell no. I was hiding out in my room until I could hear your voice; just to make sure that I didn't just have a really wonderful dream."

Bella sighed in pleasure. "Nope. Not a dream. You think you might love me."

Edward smiled. "Poor Bella. You've got it all wrong. I don't 'think' – I know. And it's not 'might'- I _definitely_ love you; as imperfectly and inadequately as a broken man can."

"Oh Edward," Bella breathed. There was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him he was perfect, but they both knew he wasn't. She wanted to say that she loved him too, but her throat was closing up around the emotion clogging it. "Please come today," she whispered.

"You just want to see me in a bathing suit," he teased quietly.

Bella couldn't help the barking laugh that burst from her throat at his teasing. "You're right. That is the only reason. In fact," she lowered her voice, "the only reason that Will is playing football is because of a grand conspiracy to see you in a swim suit." She heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Oh well. You've found me out."

She could hear Edward laughing and it warmed her heart.

"Now, Bella. If you wanted to see me half naked, you only had to ask."

At his teasing words, she felt hot all over. "Oh." The image of him naked sprang to mind and she was at a loss for words. "Is that all I have to do?"

She heard him suck in a breath, and then there was silence. Before he could respond, Will came bounding into the room already in his suit.

"Is it time to go yet? Where's my towel? Do I need sunscreen? Have you already packed our lunch?"

Bella smiled at the barrage of questions, "Will. I'm on the phone. Just one second." Then to Edward, "Well, thanks for the call. I'll talk to you later?"

Edward groaned, "Fine. I'll get out of bed and go ask the pixie." She heard the rustling of the sheets, "The things I do to be near you…"

Bella tried to tame her smile, not wanting to alert Will to the depth of the emotion she was feeling but it was too late. When she ended the call, he looked at her and mirrored her smile.

"Who was that?" he asked curiously.

Bella grinned and winked. "Nobody. Well, maybe a surprise for you, but I'm not sure yet so I'm not telling you anything." She pointed a finger at him just as he opened his mouth to whine, "So no asking! I'm not saying a word."

Will giggled and bounced again. "Can we go now?"

~O~

When Bella and Will pulled up to Alice's two hours later, Edward was in the driveway taking the top off the Jeep.

"Cool." Bella heard Will whisper.

"You like Coach Masen?" she asked casually.

"Heck yeah. He's so cool. I wish he could come to the lake."

Bella just grinned and got out of the car.

"Good morning, Coach," she called.

Edward was already looking her way, leaning against the jeep. "Mornin'."

"Did you get permission?" she asked.

Edward nodded as Will argued, "Mom, he's a grown-up. He doesn't need permission."

Edward laughed and pushed off the jeep to walk over to them. "For some things I do, buddy."

"And today, he got Mrs. Alice's permission to go to the lake with us," Bella said with a flourish of her hand like a game show hostess.

"Score!" Will jumped up and high fived his coach before hugging his mother and running inside to get Jason.

Bella watched him run in the house and looked back at Edward, who was watching her, smiling.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he whispered. He stepped closer and reached out with one pinky to brush against her wrist.

Bella extended her pinkie and linked it with his briefly before stepping away. She felt like her chest might explode from the happiness she felt. She glanced back to where he stood on the sidewalk watching her. His hand was on his chest, covering his heart and his face looked as happy as she felt.

Bella turned and skipped up the front steps in search of Alice. She found her in the kitchen, adding ice to the ice chest full of drinks. Bella peeked in the wicker picnic basket and laughed.

"We're only going to be there for one meal, Alice. You could feed an army with all this!"

Alice wiped her hands on a dish towel and grinned at her, "I know, but it's so fun to pack it, ya know?"

Bella giggled and hugged her friend. "Thanks for saying yes."

Alice feigned ignorance. "I don't know what you mean."

Bella held Alice's hand, her smiled fading for the moment. "I know you know that I really like him, Alice. You can't play innocent with me. You know things." She wiggled her eyebrows at her friend.

Alice heaved a breath like she's just finished a workout. "Thank God!" She dropped her head back and grinned. "The elephant in the room has been identified and asked in for drinks." She opened her eyes and Bella was a little afraid of the gleam in her eye. "Now spill it. Tell me everything. Has he kissed you yet?"

Bella's eyes got big and her mouth fell open, "Um… yes?" This was new territory for her. She had no idea what was appropriate to share.

Alice hopped up on the kitchen counter and leered. "Was it nice? Did he use tongue?"

Bella laughed. "Eww, Alice. He's your brother!"

"Oh, I _so_ don't care. My husband's been on the other side of the earth for four months. I need details." She waggled her eyebrows and added, "Now spill. Tongue?"

Bella couldn't speak for giggling, so she nodded.

"Was it slobbery, or nice?"

Bella blushed and leaned in to whisper, "It was better than nice. It was like heaven. He's a very good kisser."

Alice was giggling when Jason came ripping around the doorway, eyes wide and scared. "Mom! Hurry! Something's wrong. Aunt Lauren is here and she's real mad!"

Alice was off the counter and out the door, yelling for Bella to call the police. "Jason! You and Will go to your room! Right now!"

Bella's heart was pounding in her chest as she grabbed her phone and ran after Alice. When they got to the front door, Bella was shocked to see Edward staring so calmly at the screaming banshee in front of him.

"You think you can fucking make me look like I'm fucking insane? I am _not_ crazy." She paused in her fit to take a swing at him.

"Lauren, you need to go. I have nothing to say to you." His voice was deadly calm and without inflection as he caught her wrist.

"Yeah, you should go, Lauren." Alice's voice rang out over the scene. "Get outta my yard before I call the cops." When Lauren's head whipped around, Alice added, "You're not welcome here."

Bella stepped back into the house and dialed 911. She kept her eyes on the scene unfolding in the yard and talked to the operator, telling her what was happening. She heard steps behind her and almost jumped out of her skin when someone grabbed her hand. She felt like crying when she saw it was Will.

"What's happening?" he asked. Bella could hear the fear in his voice and her heart clenched. The memories of trying so hard to keep him safe from this kind of violence came back to her and almost knocked her to her knees.

Jason interrupted, "That's his ex-wife. She's real mean. One time she slapped my face," he whispered. "I never told my mom 'cause I was afraid she would get in a fight. But I think she's just real mad that Uncle Edward's divorcing her."

They all looked out the window and watched the police cars pull up to the house, lights flashing. Alice was still on the porch and Edward's hands were in his pockets. Lauren, on the other hand, was still screaming and now she was crying. Her behavior was almost completely out of control and the very opposite of Edward's. Alice was keeping her distance but she was using her words to egg Lauren on to almost insane proportions.

Bella took the boys and led them back to the living room. She turned on cartoons and tried to distract them. She wanted to keep Will as far away from this as possible and if her car hadn't gotten wedged between two police cars, she'd be on her way home.

After what seemed like an hour, Alice and Edward walked into the room. Edward, still calm and Alice vibrating like a plucked string on a piano.

Bella found she couldn't look Edward in the face. She felt like her entire world, her happy little bubble, had burst and she was caught gasping for breath. She was confused. Confused by her own feelings. Confused by her shaking hands and fear. She asked Alice if everything was okay and excused herself to the bathroom before Alice could even finish her answer.

She locked the bathroom door behind her and rested her forehead against its cool surface. The image of Will's fear-filled eyes and quiet voice would not leave her mind. She had promised. She _promised_ him. She would keep him safe and away from harm.

"_Why won't that kid quit screaming?" James growled with his pillow over his head. _

_Bella threw back the covers and grabbed her housecoat. "He's sick, James. He has an ear infection."_

_James lifted the corner of the pillow and stared at her, "I have to work tomorrow. I need my sleep. Either you make it stop or I will. Get me?"_

_Bella's heart froze in her chest. She nodded and ran down the hallway to Will's room. She unbuttoned her sleep shirt, baring her breast for him to nurse. After helping him latch on, she retrieved the numbing ear drops and a blanket from the hall closet. She quietly unlocked the front door and slipped out. She spent the next four hours in the front seat of her car, holding and comforting her hurting baby. But she didn't mind the discomfort or the cold because she knew she was keeping him safe. _

_When her watch read 7:30, she made her way back into the house. Will had finally fallen asleep only thirty minutes before and she hoped it was because the antibiotics were finally working. She made sure he was resting comfortably in his bed before tiptoeing into the hallway. _

"_There she is," James purred from their bedroom doorway. "I was wondering where you disappeared to. I thought maybe you left me." He stepped into her path as she tried to move past him. He grabbed her chin in his hands and squeezed until her eyes began to water. "But you wouldn't do that, would you, Isabella?" He hissed her name._

_Bella shook her head and kept quiet. She almost sobbed when he reached down to palm her sore breasts. _

"_No. You know you're mine." _

_Bella heard his zipper and felt tears stream down her cheeks. She could only whimper when she heard Will begin to cry as James pushed her to her knees. _

"_I'll get you out, Will.. Never again. Never again." She chanted over and over in her mind as she listened to her baby cry. _

Two gentle knocks startled her away from the door. She stared at it but for the life of her couldn't respond.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was barely a whisper. "Are you okay?"

Bella felt something on her cheek and swiped at it only to realize she was crying.

"Can I come in?"

Bella nodded her head yes before realizing that he couldn't see her. She stepped to the door and clicked the lock.

Edward's face crumbled when he saw her. He had an idea of what was wrong but wasn't sure.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

He took a step towards her and Bella instinctively took a step back. She held out her hand to stop his progress and kept it out. She watched her hand shake and tried to pull herself together.

"I promised him, Edward," she gulped, trying to hold back her tears. "I promised."

Edward's head tilted to the side and his brows furrowed. "What did you promise him, Bella?" His voice was gentle.

Bella felt more tears slide down her cheeks and wiped them with one hand. "I promised to keep him safe." She looked into Edward's eyes and silently pleaded for him to understand. "I _promised._"

Edward nodded and waited for her to continue.

"I saw his face. He was afraid." She gulped in more air, "He's never seen violence, Edward. He doesn't understand. And I promised him when he was tiny that I would save him and keep him away from that. I promised to keep him safe." Her throat was aching with the effort to not cry and keep her voice down.

Edward reached a hand out towards her. "I promise I won't ever let anything happen to him. I promise you that Bella. Lauren will never touch him." He turned his hand palm side up and waited. "And after today, Lauren will leave me alone. She has to now if she wants to stay out of jail. Which she does."

Bella stared at his hand stretched out to her. It, too, was trembling. She looked up at his face, at his eyes; so afraid and so earnest.

"Were you scared?" she whispered.

She was surprised when his eyes filled with tears. He studied her for a moment, his eyes moving from her mouth to her eyes to her hair. He nodded slowly.

"But not of Lauren." He licked his lips nervously, "I would never let anything happen to you, Bella. Or to Will. I'll protect you."

Bella forced her hand out to meet his. When she made contact with his skin, she felt the familiar tingle and stepped quickly into his arms. She felt his arms come around her and was able to take a full breath for the first time since Jason had come running into the kitchen.

"I promise, Bella."

**A/N**

**Long chapter. I had some nice, slightly smutty plans for this chapter but it had a mind of its own! Next chapter, though… *fingers crossed***

**Reviews inspire me! *hint hint* ;o)**


	16. Chapter 16

**SO long time, no see… Sorry about that. RL and all. Here is the next chappie. It's kinda short, but the next one is almost done and will posted soon! **

**Twilight does not belong to me; but I'm very thankful for it.**

Last chapter for those who need reminding

:

_Bella felt more tears slide down her cheeks and wiped them with her fingers. "I promised to keep him safe." She looked into Edward's eyes and silently pleaded for him to understand. "I promised."_

_Edward nodded and waited for her to continue. _

"_I saw his face. He was afraid." She gulped in more air, "He's never seen violence, Edward. He doesn't understand. And I promised him when he was tiny that I would save him and keep him away from that. I promised to keep him safe." Her throat was aching with the effort to not cry and keep her voice down._

_Edward reached a hand out towards her. "I promise I won't ever let anything happen to him. I promise you that Bella. Lauren will never touch him." He turned his hand palm side up and waited. "And after today, Lauren will leave me alone. She has to now if she wants to stay out of jail. Which she does."_

_Bella stared at his hand stretched out to her. It, too, was trembling. She looked up at his face, at his eyes; so afraid and so earnest. _

"_Were you scared?" she whispered. _

_She was surprised when his eyes filled with tears. He studied her for a moment, his eyes moving from her mouth to her eyes to her hair. He nodded slowly._

"_But I would never let anything happen to you, Bella. Or to Will. I'll protect you." _

_Bella forced her hand out to meet his. When she made contact with his skin, she felt the familiar tingle and stepped quickly into his arms. She felt his arms come around her and was able to take a full breath for the first time since Jason had come running into the kitchen. _

"_I promise, Bella."_

Edward had never meant anything so much in his life. He felt resolve in his veins deeper than he had ever felt anything. He would do whatever he needed to do to protect Bella and her son. He felt her breath on his chest and her tears soaking through his shirt. He tightened his arms around her.

"I promise, Bella."

He felt her nod and tipped his chin down to kiss the top of her head.

"I don't want…" she started.

"You don't want what Bella?" he whispered.

She tilted her head back to look at his face, tears still on her cheeks. "I don't want to go to the lake. I don't feel safe. Will's not safe." She hiccupped softly, "But he's going to be so disappointed."

Edward smiled at her, his heart heavy. "It's ok Bella. You and Alice take the boys to the lake. I'll stay here. She doesn't even know about you. And she's afraid of Alice. I'll just stay here."

"But the boys will be disappointed."

"They'll survive." He grinned at her, "I'll take them for a ride around the neighborhood and then make up some excuse. That way they can at least get a ride in the Jeep."

Bella nodded and Edward could tell from the look on her face that she was consumed with guilt.

"Hey!" He lifted her chin. "We'll have other days, right? It's fine."

When she smiled up at him with tears on her cheeks and affection in her eyes, he couldn't resist. He had to kiss her. He kept the kiss gentle, trying still to comfort her. He felt her sigh against him and opened his lips slightly. He could taste the salt of her tears and his heart clenched in his chest. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his head back and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs.

"You okay now?" he whispered.

She nodded. She was looking at him with such adoration that his heart almost exploded. His hands immediately found their way into her hair and he kissed her again. He kissed her with all the longing and fear and hope that he felt. He kissed her until her hands were in his hair, pulling and tugging. Her mouth opened under his and her tongue stroked against his. He could think of nothing but Bella. Her face, her heart, and now, her body that was wrapping itself around his.

He slid his hands down her back until he was grasping at her hips. She was so soft against him. He could feel the curve of her waist and the swell of her ass. She moaned quietly against him and lifted one leg to hook around his thigh. He groaned and pushed into her. She moaned again and tilted her hips. He grabbed her knee and pulled her even tighter against him and caught her gasp in his mouth.

She ripped her mouth from his and leaned her head back, using her hands in his hair to guide his mouth to her neck. "Oh my god, Edward. How can you make me feel this way?"

Instead of answering, he licked up the side of her neck to her ear, making her moan. She liked that; he would have to remember. He reached down and grasped her other knee and pulled her up until she could wrap her legs around his waist. Then he turned and pressed her against the wall, grinding into her hips. _So good, _he thought.

He thrust against her again and again, feeling her body start to shake. Her head fell back against the wall with a small thud as he thrust again. He took her mouth in another searing kiss.

Then there was a sharp knocking on the door beside him.

"Oh my god, Edward! I can hear you out here. Stop it!" It was Alice's horrified whisper that broke the moment.

Bella dropped her head to his shoulder and laughed breathlessly. "How do you do that? How can you make me crazy like that?"

Edward rested his forehead on her hair and chuckled. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

He slowly lowered her feet to the floor and tortured them both by letting her slide down the hardness in his pants.

"Damn, Bella. I want you so bad," he murmured as he leaned towards her again.

She dodged this time. "No! No more kissing. I'm liable to have an orgasm right now if you so much as touch me!" She swatted his hands away and turned to the sink to wash her face.

"Really?" He asked from behind her as he waggled his eyebrows lasciviously.

Bella couldn't help but smile back. She flicked water over her shoulder into his face and then looked sad. "I'm going to miss you today."

"Well," he said as he reached up to play with a strand of her hair. "Why don't you see if Will can spend the night here tonight and I'll sneak out and come over." He pulled her hips backwards into his hardness. "I'll park down the street; no one will know."

Bella nodded breathlessly and hurried out of the room, leaving Edward to deal with the raging hard-on in his pants.

~O~

It was well past dark when Edward stuck his head into Alice's bedroom. He smiled at the sight of her tucked up in bed reading, hair pulled back and thick cream on her face. "I'm going out for a bit. The boys are downstairs watching a movie. I made sure they were settled."

Alice smiled and nodded. "Ok, thanks." She looked back down at her book and feigned innocence. "Where are you headed? It's getting kinda late, dontcha think?"

Edward cleared his throat and tried to think of an answer. He had no way of knowing if Bella had mentioned anything to his sister. If she hadn't said anything, he didn't want to say anything that would make her uncomfortable or embarrassed. "Um, I'm not really sleepy. So, I guess.. um… I'll see ya later." He turned to make a hurried getaway but her next words stopped him dead in his tracks.

"No fucking her outside, Edward. No matter how much Bella begs you to. I don't want to have to bail your asses out of jail."

Edward dropped his chin to his chest and sighed dramatically. He turned to give his sister the evil eye and tried not to smile. "Why do you like to torture me?"

Alice giggled and went back to her book. "Because it's so much fun!"

Edward laughed and pulled his keys out of his pocket, his mind already on Bella.

"And Eddie?" Alice called.

Edward stopped walking and whined over his shoulder, "What now?"

"Take my car. It'll be less conspicuous."

Edward grinned and nodded with triumph. "Great idea! Thanks!"

Alice giggled and made a wish for her brother. "Good luck," she whispered under her breath.

Edward sat in Alice's car in Bella's driveway for a minute to get himself under control. He felt like a twelve year old. His nerves were jumping and his stomach was tight. He closed his eyes and took deep, cleansing breaths until he felt calmer. Then he pushed open the door of Alice's car and forced himself not to run up the sidewalk.

Bella face was the picture of happiness when she answered the door.

"Hi," she breathed. "Come in." She took a small step back but not enough for him to walk in with having to slide past her.

Edward could smell her shampoo and the mint of her toothpaste. Taking one look at her flannel sleep pants and thin tank top, he asked, "Are you ready for bed? Did you want me to come back another time?"

Bella shook her head so hard her ponytail hit her ear, making him laugh. "No, Edward. Please stay."

Edward felt the blood rush to his crotch. Dear lord, she was sexy. He had to get himself under control or he was going to start humping her leg like a damn dog. He took a step away from her and rubbed his palms down the sides of his gray sweats.

"I know I look rough. I just went ahead and changed and.." he stopped with her fingers on his mouth.

"Edward, you look fine." Bella waved a hand at her own attire. "Look at me. I'm in pajamas!" She took his hand in hers and traced the veins on the back with a finger. "You want a glass of wine or something?"

Edward watched her small finger as it caressed his hand and wondered if anyone had ever been this tender with him before. If they had, he couldn't remember it. He swallowed hard and nodded to her. Her smile made an answering smile appear on his face as if by magic.

He followed her into the kitchen where he stood like a stone as she retrieved wine and glasses.

"You want to sit on the porch swing out back?" she asked quietly.

Edward cleared his throat and forced words past the nervous lump in his throat. "Sure. That would be great." His voice sounded unnatural to his own ears. Soft and gruff. Tender.

They walked out to the swing and settled in. Bella poured the wine and then settled into the curve of his shoulder, sighing with contentment. They sat in silence, but for the crickets and frogs. Edward leaned his head back and smiled.

"This is nice," he murmured.

Bella nodded. "I know." She took a sip from her glass and turned her head to rest her cheek on his chest. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course." Edward ran his fingers down her arm and back up to her shoulder, feeling the chill bumps break out.

"I like it when you kiss me."

Edward smiled at her softly spoken words and kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

Bella looked up at him. "No. I mean, I really like it. It makes me feel…" she paused, looking for words. "It makes me feel… powerful."

Edward's eyebrows lifted. "Really?"

Bella nodded and looked back out into the night. "Yeah. I mean, for some reason, I make you _excited_, you know." Her hand fluttered at her side, gesturing in the general direction of his lap. "And I can make you more that way, or if I tell you to stop, you do. You let me be in charge of it."

Edward grabbed her fluttering hand and smiled. "And that's never happened before?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes and shook her head.

"Oh Bella," he sighed happily. He looked down into her face, so trusting. She was trusting him with her whole self and he felt the weight of that responsibility. His nervousness about having sex with her disappeared. She would let him know and he would wait until she did. "I like it when you get turned on by me too. The noises you make and the way your body feels against mine, it's like nothing I've ever felt before."

Bella smiled and turned her head to rest it on his shoulder again. After several minutes passed, she took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm so glad," she whispered.

Edward kissed her head again and took a deep drink of his wine. He was content to sit with her under the stars and hear her breathe. What did that mean? He smiled and took another sip. He didn't care right now. He was happy.

**Here's a hint: Bella is ready for more experimenting. Slow build up to lemons but I hope you'll think it's worth it…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Here's the next chapter. And this chapter definitely lives up to its M-rating. So if you're not 18, I hope you're mother finds out and takes away your laptop! If you're of age, enjoy! And please forgive any typos… it's really late and I'm super tired. **

**Don't own Twilight…**

Bella felt Edward's heartbeat under her cheek and, like the last time they snuggled on the porch swing, found it soothing. But unlike last time, she had no desire to fall asleep. On the contrary, she felt more alive than she had in ages. Suddenly she was aware of other things as well. Like his chest for instance; she could feel the hard planes of it under her face. And she could smell the deliciousness that was simply man. She was suddenly filled with something else.

Bella stood and set her wineglass on the small deck table before turning back to take Edward's glass. His head was leaned back on the swing, his eyes never leaving hers, as he slowly raised his arm to hand it over. Bella felt the air itself buzzing with the energy she felt simmering inside her.

Wordlessly, she reached her hand out to him. Edward smiled and took it. He stood and took the small step necessary to be in her space.

"Can I… can I touch you?" She whispered.

Edward swallowed hard and nodded twice. He wanted her touch more than he wanted to live.

Bella stretched out her right hand and touched the edge of his jaw with just her fingertips. She felt the muscles jump under her fingers and heard his sharp intake of breath. He was everything she'd ever wanted. She watched her fingers trace the hard edge of his jaw from his right ear to his left.

When he opened his eyes, she looked up into them. He was watching her face with a concentrated hunger that made her mouth go dry. She moved her fingers from his jaw to his lower lip, feeling the fullness. She pulled his lip down slightly and watched his mouth open. Without being aware of it, she mirrored him, opening her mouth.

Edward's tongue peeked out and touched the end of her fingertip. Now it was Bella's turn to suck in a breath. Her finger was frozen on the edge of his teeth while he lapped at it.

Bella looked up into his eyes only to discover that he was still looking into hers. He reached up and pulled her finger from his mouth only to rest it on his lips again.

"Can I touch _you_?" He whispered. "Please?"

When Bella nodded, he touched her chin, her jaw, her cheekbones. When he ran his fingers over her eyebrows, she closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. His touch was gentle and soft but it set her on fire. She could hear her breathing speed up and hoped it didn't look pathetic that one small touch could undo her.

"Can I kiss you, Bella?" His voice was closer; right at her ear. She could feel his breath stir her hair. She opened her eyes halfway and looked at him. He was still touching her face and looking at her, waiting for an answer. It was so freeing to know that all she had to do was shake her head once and he would stop.

Knowing this, she felt the courage to say yes. And she was rewarded with a breathtaking smile.

"Thank you," he breathed.

Bella watched him swallow and look at her lips. Instinctively, she licked them and saw his eyes darken. As he lowered his head, she closed her eyes and waited for his kiss.

At first, it was as light as a feather. Just a gentle pressing of his lips to hers. She sighed at the beauty of it. Then his lips shifted and opened. Over and over he feathered kisses on her trembling mouth, making her legs weak.

Bella reached up to grip the front of his t-shirt. Anything to anchor herself in reality. His mouth was making her forget every bad thing that had ever happened to her. She opened her mouth a little more to taste him better, earning a moan from him.

Hearing his moan, she couldn't contain the breathy sort of purring sound that started low in her throat. She let go of his shirt and slid her hands into his hair at the back of his head. His hands moved from her face, over her shoulders until one was at the back of her neck and the other slid down her back to her waist.

Edward opened further and licked at her lower lip, making her grip on his hair tighten. He did it again before sliding his tongue into her mouth. Bella sighed and opened to him. When his tongue touched hers, she moved against him. His mouth tasted sweet like the wine they'd shared and Bella felt drunk from it.

Before long their tongues were stroking and tangling together. Edward's grip on her tightened as he pulled her body tighter into his own, struggling to get her closer. When breathing became painful, he pulled away to kiss at her neck.

"Thank you," she breathed against his hair as he continued to lave her neck with open mouthed kisses.

"What," he whispered between kisses, "are you… thanking… me for?"

Bella tried to process what he was asking but couldn't. She only knew that the feelings inside her were almost too much to take. She leaned her head further to the side in order to give him more room. She felt his hands slide further down onto her hips and groaned.

"Hmm?" He asked without breaking contact with her skin.

Bella was lost. All she wanted was for Edward to touch her. Her hands tightened further in his hair. "More," she moaned.

Edward lifted his head to look at her flushed face. She was beautiful beyond words. And she wanted him. All of him. He held her face in his hands and kissed her lips again. He could feel her going liquid all around him.

"More what, baby?" He kissed her again. "What do you want more of?"

Bella's eyes fluttered open enough to see him looking at her. "You," she whispered.

He smiled slightly and rubbed his thumbs over her cheekbones. "You have me, Bella. Completely." He kissed her swollen lips again.

Her brows furrowed and she frowned. "I want you to touch me. _More_." She was lost in him.

Understanding lit his features as he realized what she was asking. He took a step away from her and grasped her hand. He turned and led her back into the house, through the kitchen and into the living room. She wanted his touch and he wanted desperately to give it to her.

Edward sat down on the sofa and taking her hips in his hands, pulled her down on top of him. She straddled his hips but sat up on her knees so she was level with his intense green eyes. She waited for his instruction. She had no concept of taking her own pleasure from him.

He ran his hands through her hair and raised one eyebrow. "Where do you want me to touch you?"

Bella looked confused. Why didn't he just start grabbing her? She was too shy to verbalize how much and where she wanted to feel his hands on her body. And she had no clear plan in mind. She was too inexperienced with these things to know where it felt the best. She shrugged her shoulders.

Edward looked at her flushed skin and explained. "I want to touch you, Bella. So badly. But I want you to tell me. I want you to know that my pleasure is directly tied to your pleasure. Whatever makes you feel good, makes me feel so very, very good." He smiled and licked his lips, making her heart race. "So where do you want me to touch you?"

Bella smiled at him and felt tears welling up in her eyes. He was offering to do whatever she wanted. Feeling inspired, she reached up and covered her breasts through her tank top and whispered, "Here."

Edward licked his lips again and nodded. "Gladly." He leaned into her sweet smelling skin and placed one, two, three kisses directly over her heart. Her hands came up to rest on his shoulders. His hands began to rub up and down her back as his mouth began to kiss all along the top of her breasts.

"Ohhh," she moaned as he dipped his tongue under her shirt. She felt his hands slide smoothly up her back and to the straps at her shoulders. Then she felt the straps slide down her arms, exposing her full breasts to his hungry eyes. Her nipples tightened in response.

She looked down at his face as he looked at her body. Her breathing stopped completely when his tongue peeked out to flick at her tightened nipple. He did it again before he looked up at her through his lashes.

"Oh my god, Edward. Don't stop. Please," she murmured.

Instead of answering with words, he answered by taking one tightened peak deeply into his mouth and suckling. Bella couldn't tear her eyes away as he licked, sucked and bit at first one and then the other. Without realizing it, her body had begun to undulate up and down, still on her knees with his hair gripped tightly in her shaking hands.

Edward broke away with a tender kiss on her left nipple. "Can you sit down? I want to feel you." His voice was deep and strained.

Bella nodded and slowly lowered herself into his lap. When she came in contact with his body, his eyes closed and she heard what sounded like a growl erupt from his throat. She could feel the hard length of him through his sweatpants. He was much bigger than she'd expected. And he fit exactly against her. Edward sat unmoving against her as she began to rub herself against him. He felt his balls tighten and was appalled to realize that he was close to coming just from the weight of her body on him. He pushed it back by sheer determination.

"Fuck," he whispered. "Oh fuck, Bella. You feel so good."

Bella took his head and guided it back to her breast. He looked up at her and slid his hands up her bare back to hook his hands over her shoulders. He sucked one nipple into his mouth where he flicked and bit gently at it. When he did, Bella's movement became more forceful as she rubbed and circled her hips against him. Her breaths started coming out in whimpers and moans.

Edward pulled her body down into his as he lifted his hips. He groaned. Bella cried out.

"Just like that, baby. Like that. Damn." Edward panted against her breast.

Bella found the one spot that made her eyes roll back in her head. Her pants turned into cries, "Edward. God, Edward. There. Right there."

Edward reached around and palmed her breast. Then pinched one nipple between his finger and thumb. He grunted into her neck as he pushed into her again and again. He rolled her nipple between his fingers and sucked the other into his mouth again.

Bella's orgasm shook her from head to toe. "Edddwaarrdddd!" she wailed as her whole body tightened and exploded.

Edward released her nipples and looked up into her face as she climaxed over him. Her eyes were wide and wild and her movements frantic before she stilled for a moment, like she was strung as tight as a bow. Then he felt her whole being convulse again, more violently this time.

Bella's movements, combined with her cries of pleasure, pushed Edward over the edge. He felt everything tighten a second before he exploded in an orgasm hard enough to leave him exhausted and panting. His head fell back and he tried to catch his breath. He felt Bella fall limply onto his chest.

It took a few minutes before he realized she was panting the same words over and over again. He lifted his head from the back of the sofa and listened. She was chanting, thank you, thank you, thank you. Over and over again.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly to his chest. He turned his head to place a kiss on her hair.

"No, Bella. Thank _you_."

His heart skipped a few beats when she started to giggle. He chuckled with her.

"That was beautiful," she told him through her laughter. She kissed up the side of his neck to his jaw where she bit him gently and was rewarded when he tightened his grip on her.

"If you keep that up, I'll return the favor."

"Promise?" she taunted.

"Fuck, yeah, I promise," he growled.

Bella sighed happily and nibbled at his ear. And when she felt him shiver, she felt like a damn sex goddess. She had never been happier. She sat up and smiled into his eyes.

"Can we do some more?" she asked eagerly.

Edward's laugh was deep and throaty and made her want to burst. He looked down at her swollen lips and flushed face. Her breasts exposed and nipples tight. Suddenly, he didn't feel like laughing anymore.

Bella watched his eyes darken and wondered at the change in him. She watched as he leaned her back and flicked one of her nipples roughly with his tongue. She started twisting her hips, looking for friction, when he sat up abruptly.

"You mind if I go clean up a little? I've got spunk all over me."

Bella blushed thinking about it. The memory of his face when he climaxed made her hot all over. She nodded and tried to scoot off his lap but he held her still.

"Hey, look at me, Bella," he whispered. "Are you okay? You're blushing." He slid his fingers over her hot cheeks.

"It's just," she swallowed, not wanting him to see her childishness.

"What?"

"It's just embarrassing, is all," she whispered.

"Why? What just happened was beautiful." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "One of the most beautiful things that's ever happened to me. Please don't be embarrassed." He smiled shyly at her.

Bella looked into his eyes and knew that he meant what he said. He was as happy with her as she was with him. She smiled shyly. "Okay. I'll try."

She stood and took his hand when he rose. He grimaced and pulled his underwear away from his waist. Bella couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry," she giggled.

Edward narrowed his eyes at her playfully. "No, you're not. You'd do it again, you hussy, you."

Bella laughed out loud and led him into the hall bathroom.

"Here's a washcloth and just bring me your underwear. I'll wash them out."

Edward looked at her curiously. "So it's embarrassing to think about, but you'll hand wash the spunk out of my underwear?"

Bella grinned and shrugged. "I guess it's the mother in me." She started to turn and give him privacy when he pulled down his sweatpants and she could see the wetness surrounding the outline of his cock. Instead of leaving, she stood transfixed, amazed at what she had made happen. She had done that.

She stood frozen as he stepped out of his sweats and then put his hands to the waistband of his boxer briefs.

"I had no idea you liked to watch," he teased, waiting to see if she wanted to leave.

Bella startled and blinked rapidly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry." She slapped her hands over her eyes and rambled. "Oh my god. Oh my GOD!"

Edward started laughing and couldn't stop. She was a complete and utter delight to him. She could dry hump him to orgasm but was mortified to be caught looking at him. He took her hands in his and pulled them away from her face.

"Bella! It's fine!" He couldn't help chuckling at her tightly shut eyes. "Look at me. Open you eyes, baby."

Bella peeked out of one eye at his laughing face.

"I think it's great! I love how honest you are. And how curious you are." He leaned his head down to look in her eyes. "I don't mind you looking at me. So long as you like what you see."

She opened her eyes to his grinning face and couldn't help the small smile that was sneaking onto her face.

Edward wiggled his eyebrows and drawled, "Do you like what you see?"

She was smiling now and it warmed Edward's heart. He wanted her to get used to being with him. He smirked when she nodded. "You care to look again?" He was teasing her and expected her to flee the room. He was surprised when she nodded shyly. _Damn._ He tried to think of anything other than her looking at his junk. He didn't want to freak her out.

Bella sucked in a breath, swallowed and took the leap. She took Edward at his word that he liked for her to look at him and touch him. So she looked. His cock was a little smaller now than it had been, but as she watched it seemed to swell and grow. Her eyes flew to his, surprised. Edward shrugged helplessly and smirked.

"I can't help it!" He defended with a chuckle.

Bella leaned down and picked up his sweats off the floor and put them on the counter next to him. She then took the dry washcloth out of his limp hand.

Edward's brows were knitted together in confusion. What in the world was she doing? He watched her as she waited for the water to get hot. When it did, she soaked the cloth and then lathered it. He couldn't figure out what her intentions were. Was she mothering him? Was this something she did for her son, soap his washcloth for him?

Edward staggered back a step when she turned and reached for the elastic band at his waist. He caught her wrist and stared from the soapy cloth to her face.

"What are you doing, Bella?" he choked out.

Bella grinned a little and swallowed nervously. "Well, I figured if I was going to look, I might as well make myself useful."

And with that, she slid his underwear down his legs and ever so gently, began to clean him up. His cock that had started out being semi-flaccid was now swollen and hard as a rock. Bella watched it fascinated. And when she gripped it to wash it, Edward groaned and leaned into the sink.

Bella stroked it with the washcloth and whispered, "Does that feel good?"

Edward was watching her small hands on him, stroking and tending to him so tenderly, and swallowed. He nodded quickly several times. She was nothing, absolutely nothing, like Lauren. And yet she aroused him in a way that Lauren never could.

He groaned when she let go and leaned around him to rinse the cloth. Once all the soap was out, she returned to his cock to rinse the soap off.

"Fuck, Bella. That feels amazing," he whispered.

"Does it?" she asked softly. The soap was off now; he was clean, but she couldn't seem to stop. With James, his cock was a weapon, used to pummel her into submission. But with Edward… his cock was like him. Warm, hard, sensitive to her touch. And she knew that it would bring her pleasure, not pain.

Edward was on the brink. He knew she needed to stop her before he came again, but he wanted her to continue. He wanted to kiss her. Hold her. Fuck her. He wanted…

"Do you want to come again?" Bella whispered the words he was just thinking.

Edward looked into her face and licked his lips. "Only if I can touch you too."

Bella dropped the cloth into the sink and nodded, lifting her arms when he reached for the hem of her tank top.

"God, Bella. You're so beautiful. You're breasts are perfect." He rubbed his thumbs across her nipples, leaving them pebbled and making her gasp. He leaned down and kissed first one and then the other.

Bella unconsciously fisted his cock when he started licking and sucking her breasts. His grunt reminding her to loosen her grip. She relaxed a little as she started to stroke his cock up and down.

Edward groaned and turned her back to the counter, scooped her up and sat her on it. He stepped between her open thighs and leaned her back into his hands so he could reach her tits better.

Bella's head fell back as pleasure coursed through her. It was like warmth and electricity was pulsing from her breasts to the juncture between her thighs.

"Oh god, Edward. Oh god," she moaned.

Edward was going crazy with need. He started to slip his hand into her pants, but paused to plead, "Can I touch you, Bella? I want to make you come on my fingers. Please."

Bella could feel the heat from his panting breaths in her open mouth as he begged to touch her. She nodded and reached her tongue out to lick his lips. He groaned and captured her mouth in a ravenous kiss as his hand dove into her panties. He kept kissing and sucking her lips when she screamed out in pleasure.

"Edward! Oh my… oh shit… ughhhh…" His fingers were doing wicked things to her. She felt him circling her clit with his thumb before he plunged two fingers into her. Over and over.

Her hands on his cock tightened as she pumped him furiously up and down in time with her thrusting hips. She heard him groan and felt it all the way through her.

"So close. So close. Oh god…" Her voice was getting louder and higher as her body began to tighten. And when Edward reached around with his other hand and pinched her nipple tightly, she splintered and screamed.

Edward watched in amazement as Bella bucked and writhed and screamed. She was so fuck hot. So… oh fuck… he felt his balls tighten and watched fascinated as he started to come.

Bella felt something warm hit her breasts and opened her eyes to see Edward coming all over her. And the orgasm that had started to fade hit her again, stronger than before.

Edward had no strength left. He pulled his hand from between her legs and leaned heavily on the counter.

"Shit, Bella. Shit. I'm so sorry. So sorry," he panted into her neck.

Bella sagged against him and wondered if she was dreaming. She knew she wasn't because never, not even in her wildest dreams, had she ever seen or felt anything so amazingly dirty and thrilling and hot. She tried to catch her breath and fought for the strength to lift her head.

Edward realized that she wasn't responding and started to panic. _Shit._ He had come all over her tits. _Shit!_ He hadn't meant to, but damn, she was amazing. Her hand on his cock, her tits bouncing, her moans. But still. What had he done?

He grabbed the washcloth from the sink and frantically started to wipe his spunk off her nipples. He heard her sharp intake of breath and was afraid to look at her. Afraid of what he would see. Was she angry? Humiliated? Disgusted? He wiped lower, cleaning her stomach where it had dripped. _Shit!_

There had never been a more beautiful or surprising sound in the world than Bella's soft laughter in that moment. Edward's head snapped up to look at her and almost fainted with relief to see her smiling at him.

"God, Edward! That was amazing!" She looked back down to his hand cleaning her and realized it was trembling. She grabbed it and looked into his eyes. "What's the matter? Why are you shaking?"

Edward leaned his forehead against hers and breathed her in. "Shit, Bella. I thought you'd be angry!"

"Angry?" Bella's brows came together. "Why would I be angry?"

"Because I just jizzed all over your tits!" He pinched his lips shut in horror at his words. He dropped his chin and shook his head at his idiocy.

Now it was Bella's turn to laugh. He was wonderful! He was worried that she was mad at him. He was worried she was uncomfortable. Did he not realize how different that was to her? How freeing it was?

Edward felt her fingers at his chin, making him look at her. "Edward?" When he made eye contact, she smiled gently and whispered, "I liked it. I like everything you do to me. With me. It's so different."

"Different?"

She nodded. "I feel free when I'm with you. Free and safe. And happy. And I think… I mean… Maybe, I…" She blushed again.

"What? Tell me baby."

"Promise you won't be mad?" she whispered.

"Of course! You can tell me anything, Bella." He pleaded.

Her voice dropped even lower. "I think I'm in love with you, Edward."

**Well, there you go. If you hated it, if you loved it, let me know, pretty please. Please? Too much? Not enough? I'm cringing here… **


	18. Chapter 18

**Sooo… great response to the last chapter. I knew there would be! ;o) It was fun to write. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Hint hint!**

**Btw, I was listening to Marcus Foster's new version of **_**I Was Broken**_** while writing this. It's amazing. http:/soundcloud (dot) com/marcusfostermusic**

**I don't own Twilight…**

Edward looked down at her. He was still between her thighs, her breasts still bared to him. Her hair was tangled, her face flushed. She was beautiful and she _loved_ him. He felt something ferocious flood his system and it took his breath away.

Bella saw something in his eyes only seconds before she heard the wet thwack of the washcloth hitting the floor. Then his hands were on her face, pulling her to him. His lips were demanding; the kiss intense and passionate. Bella grabbed hold of his forearms and held on as she kissed him back.

Just as abruptly as the kiss started, it ended. Edward pulled back, panting and looked at Bella's face. Her eyes were still shut and her mouth was parted. He kissed her again, softer this time.

"Bella. Oh, Bella." He whispered as his lips moved over hers, sliding back and forth. "Do you really? Are you sure?" He kissed her again, his hands warm against her shoulder blades.

Bella heard his whispered question and fought to open her eyes. His face looked anguished. He opened his eyes and she saw fear and hope and longing mixed together, and she felt her heart break with love for him.

She kissed him then, with all her hopes wrapped around him. Her tongue was aggressive and Edward groaned at the feeling of it. He felt her hands stroke through his hair then down to gently press them to either side of his face, bracketing him in safety. He pulled away breathless.

"No one has ever loved me Bella. No one." He rested his forehead against hers and fought back tears.

Bella lifted his head with both of her hands. "Look at me Edward. Look in my eyes." Her voice was a gentle hush as she continued. "I was afraid you would be angry or overwhelmed, but now that I see you're not, let me be completely honest with you." She leaned into him until just the tip of her nose was pressed to his. "I love you. Like I've never loved anyone. It's positively terrifying. But I do, Edward. So much." She heard his stuttering breaths and asked, "Do you believe me?"

Edward was trying to look at her but her visage was blurred with the tears falling from his eyes. He put his hands on her face and felt the tears that ran freely from her eyes as well. He tried to speak but couldn't force words past the sob caught in his throat, so he nodded.

Bella felt him nod and closed her eyes in relief. She felt his tears slide over her hand and down her wrist where they dripped onto her breasts.

"Bella," he murmured urgently. Longingly. His whisper was strained and hoarse. He lowered his mouth to hers again and this time their lips were wet with their fears and desires. He kissed her again and again through their half caught sobs. Then he wrapped his arms around Bella's warmth and caught her to his chest.

Bella clung to him with her arms and legs around him, holding as tightly as she could. His arms around her were so tight they prevented her from taking a deep breath but Bella didn't mind. She was afraid if he let her go she might fall into tiny pieces. Who knows how long they hung onto each other this way, but eventually Bella's muscles started to quiver in fatigue.

Edward released Bella and leaned back, the smile on his face spread slowly until it encompassed every feature, making him more beautiful than ever before.

"I love you, too, Bella. I love you."

Bella returned his beatific smile and couldn't contain her happy laughter. "We're quite the sight aren't we?"

He laughed with her.

"I mean, look at us! Half naked, shivering, covered in ick."

Edward kissed her forehead, "But I've never been so happy."

Bella leaned into his kiss and prayed that she'd never wake if this was only a dream. "Me, too." She leaned away and looked down at herself. "I need a shower."

"Want some company?" Edward whispered.

Bella looked at him shyly. "I don't know. I've never taken a shower with anyone before. Isn't it hard?"

Edward looked down to where his cock started to stir. "Oh it will be. Give me time." He smirked at her.

Bella smacked his arm and blushed. "That's not what I meant!" She looked down at his cock nervously. Pulling her eyes away from him to the shower, she asked, "I mean… um, will we fit?"

Edward smiled at the double entendre she'd unwittingly spoken. He thought about teasing her some more but decided against it. "Yes, baby, we'll fit. I'll wash your back." He half sang the offer.

She grinned at him as she thought about it. She knew they would fool around if they got naked and she didn't want their first time to be in a shower.

As if reading her thoughts, Edward added, "I'd rather we didn't have sex though. I want our first time to be where I can fully enjoy you. Not in a shower."

"Okay," she answered with a smile.

Edward stepped out of his boxer briefs and pulled her to her feet. He pulled her pants and panties down and kicked them aside when she stepped out of them. Bella stepped to the shower and twisted the knobs to the proper setting. She felt him step to her side and slide his hand over her ass then kiss her head.

"You're beautiful, Bella."

Bella smiled and turned into him, wrapping her arms around his hips. Edward reached out to test the water streaming from the shower head. Perfect.

"Come on," he said softly, stepping into the spray. Bella followed and stepped close to him, leaning her head back as the water hit her. They laughed and whispered and soaped each other. Edward watched in fascination as Bella lathered her hair. When she missed a thick strand, he plucked it from her neck and mixed it into the lather.

Bella watched him as he watched her. She could tell he was getting aroused and it thrilled her. She stepped back into the spray to rinse her hair and felt his mouth on her breast, covering her nipple. She kept her eyes closed and gave herself over to the sensation of the hot water massaging her scalp and Edward's hot mouth tugging on her hardened tip. She moaned wantonly.

Edward heard her and dropped to his knees, his lips sliding down her belly. Bella's hands dropped to his head. She opened her eyes and looked down at the sight of Edward, the water hitting his face, his hair plastered to his head by the spray as his tongue licked at her belly, and then down to her thighs. Oh god. She'd never felt so good. Ever.

Edward's hands on her hips pushed her until she leaned against the wall. Then one hand slid down her leg to her knee. He caressed it and then lifted it to rest on his shoulder. Bella's head fell back against the tile as she watched him between her thighs. He looked up at her as he slid his tongue out to taste her.

Bella's body was on fire. The heat developing where Edward was sucking, licking and biting was spreading through her body, up into her arms. She cried out from the pleasure of it. It kept building and she wondered if she could die from it. Never had she felt anything like it. It was like her spirit within her was swelling and trying to escape her body. She felt him slide his fingers inside of her and screamed his name. Part of her wanted to shove him away from her, afraid of the intensity of her feelings, but instead, she grasped his hair to keep him where he was. Her nerves were singing, on fire, and just when she thought she really would shatter, everything drew in. Her body hunched over Edward, her hands grasping at her back, leaving scratch marks over his spine.

"Oh my god, Edward! Oh…oh god, what's happening?" Her breath was coming in hard gasps and moans as everything she'd felt before was eclipsed by the enormity of her pleasure.

Edward felt her scoring his back and moaning his name and wondered if he could orgasm just from hearing Bella come apart. She groaned and then he felt her coming on his fingers and mouth, screaming as she did. He used his forearm to keep her upright as he added another finger in her pussy, pumping hard through her orgasm, making it last even longer.

Bella felt like she'd been deboned. Her legs were numb and everything else was tingling, even her lips. Edward slid up her body, his hard cock trapped between them. She opened her eyes to see him smiling down at her. She smiled back at him.

"I can't feel my legs. I think I'm paralyzed."

Edward laughed delightedly. He felt like a god. He'd never seen anyone orgasm as hard as Bella just did. She was limp in his arms as the warm water beat down on them.

"It's not funny. I think I died for a minute." She complained.

"Why, thank you, Bella! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." He chuckled as he hoisted her up in his arms. "You could have just said, 'Edward, you're a sex god."

Bella laughed at his silliness but deep down agreed with him. She wiggled her toes experimentally. "Oh, wait. I think I can feel my feet now."

As she wiggled to get down she realized Edward was still hard and unfulfilled. The first thought in her head was to return the favor but her stomach clenched at the thought. She fought back the panic she felt approaching. She ought to repay him, she knew that, but she just… she couldn't…

Edward felt her stiffen and knew she was withdrawing, maybe even panicking. He wanted to squeeze her tightly, to hang onto her, but was afraid to.

"Bella? What's wrong?" He leaned back so he could see her face better. She had her eyes closed and was taking deep breaths through her nose.

"Bella." Edward gave her a little shake to get her to look at him.

Her eyes were full of anguish when she looked at him.

"What? Tell me, Bella," he whispered urgently.

She closed her eyes and answered, "I can't do that. I thought about it and I just… I can't, Edward."

"Can't what?" He was worried now. What couldn't she do? Could she not be with him? Had she changed her mind?

"I can't, you know, return the favor." At his confused look, she blurted out, her voice getting louder, "I can't suck you off, okay? I can't! I just can't. I know I should. I know you need me to and that you did it to me and you're not him but I'm…"

Edward tried to interrupt her but she rolled over him. He could tell she was headed into a full blown panic attack again and felt desperate to do something, anything to keep her from it.

"Whoa!" he yelled. It got her attention. "I do NOT need or want you to suck my cock, Bella!" At her wide-eyed stare he softened his voice. "I'm good. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do and even if I never have another orgasm again, I'll still love you. It's okay!" He felt her relax and thought he'd done well until her eyes filled and she started sobbing in his arms. He gathered her up and held her against his chest, his erection forgotten. The water started turning cold so he reached over and shut it off.

He let her cry for a minute before he interrupted her. "Bella, why are you crying sweetheart?"

She lifted her head and looked at him. "I'm defective. I mean what you did to me was amazing. I've never felt so good in my whole life. And I felt you hard against my stomach and it occurred to me that I should pay you back but then I remembered…" She paused to take a few deep, calming breaths. "I'm afraid that one day you're going to realize how broken I am and decide I'm not worth it."

Edward stepped out of the shower, pulling her with him, and found a bath sheet in the closet. He sat on the closed toilet seat and wrapped them in it. He thought over what she said and even though he wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous, he made himself think about it. Would he be okay if he never got another blowjob for the rest of his life? Would he be fine comforting her if she had a panic attack every single day? Would he be better off without her?

Bella felt the coldness in her body being pushed away by the warmth of the bath sheet and Edward's body heat, but the coldness she felt in her heart remained as she waited for Edward's response. She wondered if he was taking her warning to heart and wished that she'd kept her stupid mouth shut. She should try harder to be normal or he really was going to leave. She felt him clear his throat and knew he was about to decide her future.

"Bella? I want you to listen to me. I'm going to level with you and be completely honest with you. I think you deserve that. Okay? Are you listening?"

Bella nodded, feeling his heartbeat under her ear.

"Sit up and look at me."

Bella sat up, the bath sheet pooling around her waist. She looked up at him and saw warning and sincerity in his eyes.

"I like having my cock sucked. I'm not going to lie." He saw the light in her eyes dim. "But… I can easily live the rest of my life without it. I like lots of things; things that are great. Take sushi. I like sushi. But I'm not gonna die if I can't ever eat it again. It's just not that important. Well, to me, blowjobs are the same thing. I like them, but they're not necessary." He pushed her wet hair back from her face. "But you? You, I don't know if I can live without. You are _necessary_."

He watched her process his words. "And as far as your brokenness goes, it's one of the things I love about you. You understand me because of your brokenness. It's part of who you are and I love you. All of you. But you have to trust me, Bella. I know it's hard, but I'm not going to lie to you."

Bella looked away, thinking, for several long minutes. And when she looked back at him, she nodded solemnly. "Okay."

Edward's head tilted to one side and his brows drew together. "Okay? Okay, what?"

"I trust you. I mean, I'll try. I'll remind myself when I start to go to that dark place. But you'll have to remind me too, okay?" Her voice was steady and quiet.

Just like that. She trusted him. "Well. Okay then." He smiled at her and winked. "It's almost daylight I think. I should go home."

"Why? Do you have plans?" she asked quickly.

Edward thought about it. "No, I don't, but we need to sleep."

"Can you text Alice and ask if you can use her car today? You can pull it into the garage and then we can sleep." She smiled shyly up at him, "Together."

Edward grinned at her. "I'll check." He scooted her off his lap and stood up. Bella's eyes were level with his cock and he stepped back before he spooked her. He reached over and grabbed his sweats off the counter. "You should dry your hair before you make yourself sick."

Bella swallowed and smiled up at him. She stood and wrapped the towel tighter around herself. She really, really hoped Alice said yes.

**A little bit of angst, a little bit of smut, it's all good. Here's hoping Alice doesn't need her car. *crosses fingers* heehee… **

**I would love to know what you thought. Reviews are like paralyzing orgasms to me… well, maybe not, but close. :o)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi, everyone! Thanks for all the reviews. They make me super happy. I try to reply but sometimes just run out of time. Please know that I read every one of them and appreciate them more than you know!**

**Twilight is not mine. At all. But I like playing with the characters. A lot…**

**Update: **_**I was just informed that Boys of Fall has been nominated for a Tomato Soup Award! Wow! Thank you to whoever nominated our little story! Voting starts on September 1**__**st**__**. I'll keep you posted. :o)**_

Lauren fumed as she was followed out of the neighborhood by a police cruiser. The nerve of that pansy! The nerve! She let out a frustrated growl. He served her with divorce papers and now a restraining order! She couldn't get close enough to spit on him, let alone do him bodily damage.

She watched the police car as he followed her, turn after turn. Dammit! He wasn't going away. The fury that had descended on her began to lift and with it came a terrifying calm. She needed to explore _all_ of her options…

~O~

Edward dreamed of swimming. He was alone near a long white beach. The sky and water were the same clear blue and the sun was shining brightly. He dove under the water and saw the beauty underneath. Beautiful coral, in shades of pink and blue; fish in millions of shimmering colors, waving seaweed. He held his breath for hours as he explored the depths. There was no danger here, only exquisite beauty. He surfaced to the blue light of the moon with no shore in sight. He must have traveled much further than he thought. Suddenly, there was movement in the water to his left but when he turned the movement seemed to be on his right. He felt his heart rate spike and knew he was being hunted. He felt seaweed wind around his neck, pulling him under…

Edward woke from his dream breathing heavily and still feeling the seaweed pulling at him. He lifted a hand to his neck and realized it was Bella's hair wrapped around him. He smiled and relaxed.

He slid her hair from his neck back to her pillow and looked down at her. He glanced at the bedside clock and smiled to see it was only noon. He still had a few hours before Alice needed her car. He wrapped his arm around Bella's waist and pulled her closer, nestling her in the curve of his body. He could smell her shampoo and remembered the sight of her washing her hair, the water pouring over her shoulders, the lather slipping down her breasts and over her belly… He stifled a groan as he felt himself getting hard again. She was too gorgeous and the way she moaned when he'd attached himself to her nipple… god he could come from that memory alone.

Edward pushed his hips against her and felt his cock settle into her ass. She fit him like perfection. And he wanted her so badly he could barely breathe. He thought about waking her up and stripping her naked. He knew he could have her, knew she wanted him too, but wondered if she needed some time. And he didn't want to misstep and cause her more pain. Every time she had an episode, he saw the toll it took on her. She became so unsure of herself and her ability to be with him.

He rolled away from her and took a deep breath. He scrubbed his hand over his face and thought of other things, trying to make this ache fade a bit.

Bella felt Edward rub against her and smiled. She was still in that place between sleep and awake, where dreams and reality get all tangled up. She felt his hand rub her belly and came further awake. He was really here. In her bed. Rubbing his hardness against her ass. She was about to slide her leg back over his when suddenly he was gone. Not out of the bed, just… away. She listened to his sigh and rolled over to look at him.

Edward heard her move and glanced sideways at her sleepy expression. Her hair was in wild tangles and she had a crease on her cheek from her pillow.

"Hi," he whispered, smiling crookedly.

She smiled up at him and brought her hand up to rest on his chest, feeling his warmth. "Hi," she whispered back.

Edward grasped her hand and lifted it to his lips. He watched her face as he kissed her fingertips.

Bella felt her heart pound at the feeling of his lips and the sight of him in her bed. His hair was sticking up at crazy angles and his green eyes were smoldering at her. She shifted and crawled up enough to bring her lips to his. She felt his stubble as she brushed her lips over his jaw as she nibbled at him.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Mhmm," he answered, running his hand over her back. "You?"

Bella kissed the side of his pectoral and nodded. "Best sleep in a long time. Maybe ever."

Edward made a strangled sound, a cross between groan and a chuckle. He pulled her closer to him and squeezed her tightly. He felt her shift her weight until she was half laying on him, her ear over his heart, one arm wrapped around his middle. They lay this way for several long minutes as he let his hand drift up and down her back and she lifted her hand to run through his hair, scratching his scalp gently.

"Uhmm, this is nice."

Bella thought his voice sounded like sex personified, all throaty and deep. She felt it vibrate through his chest and tightened her grip on him.

Edward felt so relaxed he wondered if he was going to drift off again. That is until Bella turned her head and licked him. Right in the middle of his chest.

His skin was salty. Bella liked the taste of him, so she did it again. Nothing gross, just a small flick of her tongue, followed by a small kiss.

"Bella," Edward groaned roughly.

She lifted her head, "Do you want me to stop?"

Edward's gaze made her feel moisture seep out of her, wetting her underwear. He looked at her and shook his head slowly. She saw his adam's apple bob up and down and noticed the rippling of his jaw muscle. Maintaining eye contact, she slipped her tongue out to make a small stroke over his nipple. Seeing the fire ignite in his eyes made her giddy. She licked slowly up his chest to his neck and then his jaw. She felt his hands clenching and unclenching in her sleep shirt and smiled.

She looked up at him again but his eyes were shut tight.

"Edward?" she whispered, ready to ask him to make love to her.

His gaze was heated when he opened his eyes. Bella thought he looked ready to devour her and the thought of it gave her courage. She licked her lips…

Bella's cell phone rang and Edward growled. He saw her frown. He thought for a second she would ignore it. He hoped she did because he wanted to do other things. Other, more… personal things.

Bella started to ignore it but what if it was Will? What if it was Alice calling because something was wrong?

"Sorry," she sighed. She rolled to her side of the bed and retrieved her cell. Sure enough it was Alice. She glanced back at Edward and tried to capture the image in her mind. There he was, hair askew, eyes smoldering, bare chested, in her bed, the sheets low over his hips. She swallowed and looked away before she burst into flames.

"Hello?" she answered unsteadily.

Edward scooted towards her and kissed her neck. Maybe Alice wanted her to come for lunch. Maybe they could continue where they left off. He felt her body stiffen as she gasped.

"Is he okay? What happened?"

Bella was out of the bed and halfway dressed before Edward could process what he was hearing. Something happened with the boys. He flopped back on the bed and pressed his hand to his cock, trying to ease the throb he felt. He felt frustration until he heard her next question.

"How much blood?"

Edward was by her side in an instant, whispering, "What happened?"

Bella covered the mouthpiece and whispered, "Wrestling. He might need stitches."

Edward pulled on his sweats and went in search of his t-shirt and shoes. When he came back in the room, Bella was turning in circles, muttering to herself. "Shoes. Where are my shoes? And my purse? I need my insurance card. And change for the parking deck. Where are my _shoes?_"

Edward plucked her sneakers off the floor and led Bella to the edge of the bed where he proceeded to put her shoes on her.

"Are we going to Alice's or is she taking him to the ER?" he asked.

Bella looked down at him as he laced her shoes and pulled herself out of her frantic list making. "Um, we're going to the pediatrician's office. Alice thinks it's not so bad." She looked over his head and her brow furrowed. "I need to hurry."

Edward grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her worry. "Come on, let's go."

It wasn't until they pulled into the parking lot that Bella gasped. "You shouldn't have driven me! I should have brought my car. Now people will know!" She looked so worried, Edward couldn't help but smile.

"Or…" he raised his brows as he unbuckled his seat belt, "Alice called me first and knew you would be upset, so I drove over and picked you up."

Bella sighed in relief. "Oh, right. That's good! Okay."

She was practically running up the walkway. Edward slowed down, realizing that he didn't exist right now. Bella was in full "Momma-mode". He followed behind her and stood off to the side with his hands in his pockets. He lifted an eyebrow as he watched her jiggle one foot impatiently. When she did that it made her ass jiggle too. Edward chose not to think about it.

When she was directed to a side door, Edward followed quietly and held the door for her. Bella hurried down the hallway looking at the numbers over the doors.

"Which one is it, baby?" he murmured.

Bella squinted as they passed a door, "Um… she said they were in the lab. Past room 6."

Edward looked over and saw a sign with an arrow labeled "Lab".

"Over here, Bella." He used the hand on her lower back to steer her. Just as they rounded the corner, he saw a glimpse of spiky black hair up ahead. "Alice!"

Bella saw her too and took off running. By the time Edward caught up, Bella was squatted down in front of Will who was sporting a gash in the middle of his forehead. Edward smiled as he listened to Bella baby her son.

A young nurse, one who looked fresh out of school, entered the room and let them know the doctor would be there in a few more minutes.

Bella stood and stepped closer to the door. "Do you know if he has a concussion? Is everything okay?"

The nurse smiled artificially and gave her the same answer. "The doctor will be with you in a few minutes. That's all I can say."

Bella face fell and she turned back towards Will. The nurse looked from Will to Bella and turned to leave. She never looked in Edward's or Alice's direction. As she stepped out into the hall, Edward followed.

"Excuse me?" he said softly.

She turned quickly, ready to help him. When she saw him, she gasped and colored. "Yes, sir?" she asked breathlessly.

Edward noticed her response to him and ignored it for the time being. He asked, concern evident in his voice, "Is Will okay? Does he have a concussion? Is he going to need stitches?"

The nurse swallowed and cleared her throat, "Oh, um. The doctor is on his way."

Edward pulled out the big guns. He smiled his most charming smile and tried again, "Oh, okay. I was just wondering if maybe you already knew. You seemed pretty sure of yourself."

It worked. He watched her face flush and she smiled back at him. "Well, don't tell the doctor I said anything but…" she glanced down the hallway. "Dr. Evans doesn't even think your son needs x-rays. He's fine."

Edward's heart clutched in his chest at her calling Will his son. He didn't correct her, only thanked her and returned to the room. He refused to think about his visceral response to the thought of it.

"Hey buddy." Edward squatted down next to Bella in front of Will and smiled. "That looks pretty awesome. Have you seen it yet?"

When Will shook his head no, Edward motioned towards the mirror over the small sink. "Take a look. You look tough. It's probably gonna leave a scar, too."

Bella opened her mouth to protest, but the look of triumph on her son's face shut it. She watched Will walk over to the mirror and smile. "Cool." He turned his head from side to side and gave it a good look.

Edward leaned into Bella and lowered his voice. "The nurse said no concussion and he might not even stitches."

Bella looked up at him incredulously. "What? She wouldn't tell me anything! How did you find that out?"

Edward flashed his smile and wiggled his eyebrows. "I have my ways."

Bella chuckled and looked back at Will, who was now showing his best friend his wound. "That's not fair, you know."

Edward's brow creased. "What's not fair?"

Bella looked at him seriously. "You dazzled it out of her. She's probably still wondering what hit her."

Edward started to laugh but stopped when he saw she was serious. "Dazzled it out of her? What does that even mean?"

Bella rolled her eyes and examined her nails. "You know what it means." At his silence, she glanced back up and saw him grinning at her. "What?"

He leaned down until his face was level with hers and smirking, raised one eyebrow. "Do I dazzle you?"

Bella's heart rate spiked at his proximity and she forgot to breathe until the burning in her chest reminded her. She sucked in a breath and swatted him hard across the chest, making him laugh. "Stop it."

Edward's head fell back with the force of his laughter. Will looked back at them curiously. "What's so funny?"

Bella felt her face turning ten shades of red and was relieved when the door opened and the doctor walked in. "Nothing, Will. Hi, Dr. Evans!"

Edward sat in the corner, smiling and chuckling periodically. He "dazzled" her. Good to know.

**A/N: Hope you liked it. I always loved the "dazzled" part in the book. Had to put it in there. And I think Edward's dream might have been a premonition… what do you think? **

**I love their UST. I almost don't want it to end. Almost! Rowr!**

**Leave me a review and let me know what you think! Thanks!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight….**

**Thanks for the "dazzling" reviews from the last chapter. They made me breathless… Enjoy!**

"Here's our updated schedule. And here are the assignments for working the concessions stand."

Bella walked from person to person, passing out information. Alice was right; there was no better way to meet people than to be team mom. "And here is all my contact information along with directions to our next week's away game."

"Bella?"

Bella turned to see Vanessa waiting for her. Her heart sank. If anyone in town knew about Edward spending the night at her house, it would be her. She plastered on the most genuine smile she could find and greeted her.

"Hey, Vanessa! How are you? Whatcha need?"

Vanessa smiled back and waved her concessions schedule. "I need to trade games with someone."

Bella's stomach unknotted and she breathed easier. "Well, just look down the list and find someone who might trade with you. You guys handle that and just let me know."

Vanessa nodded and walked away.

Bella finished making the rounds and returned to her seat. She drank some of her water and wondered when the weather was going to turn to fall. It was still so hot. She fanned with her folder and watched Will practice for a bit. She refused to watch Edward though. She just knew if anyone saw her looking at him, they'd know for sure that she was in love with him. Or that she'd seen him naked.

She opened the folder in her hands and stared blindly at the page. The thoughts of Edward naked did the most insane things to her body. She let her mind wander for a minute, picturing him in her bed. His hair mussed from sleep and his eyes burning into her skin. She shivered. Or the way he looked in her shower with water dripping off his eyelashes as he buried his head between her legs. There was a throbbing beginning in her crotch that needed to go away.

Bella snuck a glance around the field, afraid someone was reading her mind. She didn't see anyone looking scandalized and felt relieved, until she saw Edward. His eyes were on her from across the field and she got the feeling he knew exactly what she was thinking. She stared at him a minute more and let herself imagine what it would be like to feel him inside her.

One of the coaches blew his whistle and snapped her out of her stupor. She went back to reading and refused to look at him again.

After practice, he casually walked over to where she was standing with Will and Jason. "Alice wanted to know if you guys wanted to come eat tonight. She said she'll have supper cooked and Will can take his shower there."

Both boys' heads whipped around to gauge her response. She bit her lip and considered. It would be easier. But Will still had homework and he needed to get to bed earlier because he had a math test tomorrow. She hated to disappoint them but she had to do the best thing for her son.

"I'm sorry guys, but Will didn't finish his spelling or his math worksheet before practice." She gave her son a look that was mildly disapproving and continued, "Maybe if he had…" she trailed off, letting the lesson of procrastination teach itself.

Will looked disappointed and kicked the ground with the toe of his cleat. "Man," he mumbled.

Edward was disappointed too but shut it down. He refused to stomp and mutter under his breath; at least not now that he'd seen a little kid do it. "Well, I still have to clean up and pack things away. Can you give Jason a ride home?" He glanced up at Bella and wished he could ride home with her too. Bella nodded.

"That's a great idea," she agreed.

Will shrugged and motioned for Jason to follow him as he walked for the car. Nothing was going to cheer him now. Not only could he not go to his friend's house, he also couldn't ride in the Jeep and he had to do spelling and math when he got home. His life sucked.

Edward watched the two boys trudge toward the parking lot and smirked; he knew how they felt. "So, everything going okay?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and doing his best to look impartial.

Bella leaned down and gathered her papers, magazine and water bottle. "Sure. I got everything passed out tonight with no problem."

She glanced back up at Edward and smiled. She tried to tame it and not look like a teenage girl talking to her crush. She didn't know if she was successful or not. The truth of the matter was she was dying to be alone with him again.

He nodded and took a step back, afraid he was about to lose control and kiss her. "Okay then." He looked around the almost empty field and waved to one of his coaches. He looked back at Bella and for just a minute, let his mask slide. "I love you," he murmured.

She smiled up at him and nodded, "I love you, too."

He ran his hand through his hair and took another step back. "I'm dying to kiss you again."

Bella felt breathless and reached down to pick up her camp chair. "I know." She looked up at him from under her lashes, "I can still taste you."

Edward groaned and gave her a short wave. Raising his voice, he added, "I'll see you later. Thanks for all your hard work." He turned and walked away but called back over his shoulder, "Let me know if you need anything."

"Oh I will," she whispered when he was out of earshot.

Edward watched her car pull out of the lot and gathered his equipment. He was lost in his thoughts of Bella. He needed to see her, but how was the question. He needed Alice to invite Will over again. He wanted his and Bella's first time together to be unbridled. He had a feeling she was full of passion and he wanted to be the first and only man to experience it. The thought of it made him smile.

"Penny for your thoughts," purred a voice near his ear.

Edward jumped and jerked his head up to find Vanessa leaned over where he was squatted down putting footballs in a bag. She was angled deliberately, he was sure, to where he was getting a full view down her shirt. And although she had nice breasts, he wasn't interested.

He stood slowly and folded his arms across his chest. "Can I help you, Vanessa?" He hated being rude, but the woman scared him. So far she'd been subtle but he could tell she was growing impatient. He watched her smile grow more determined.

"Well, Edward." She ran the nails of her right hand up his forearm. "I know we've been friends for a while now and I heard about you and Lauren."

Edward moved his arm out of reach by stepping backwards over his equipment bag. He looked around and saw there were only a couple of people left on the field. He ran his hand through his hair and grimaced.

Vanessa was undaunted. "I know that divorce can be so stressful." She smiled at him, "If you ever need some stress relief, I'm available. Just let me know, m'kay?"

Edward looked at her and wondered what it was about him that attracted skanks. Why were the gross ones always shoving their proverbial hands down his pants?

He shook his head and forgot about being subtle. "Vanessa, I appreciate the offer, but I'm really, really not interested. Really." He saw her eyes darken and decided to close the door tighter, "Ever."

She glared at him for a second but changed her mind. She grinned at him again, "Lauren told me you might say that. She also said you were a very sexual man and if half of the things she said are true, you might explode if you don't get release soon." She laid her hand on his arm again, rubbing her thumb over his skin. "That's where I come in."

Edward wanted to punch her in her fake, plastic lips and then hunt down his ex and strangle her. "When have you talked to Lauren, Vanessa?"

She waved her hand dismissively, "She was here earlier. Said she wanted you to come to your senses but she wasn't afraid to share." She stepped closer and whispered, "And neither am I."

Edward grabbed his bag and took several steps away. He knew Lauren thought she was right and hated himself for it. His weakness made her think that way. He turned on his heels and headed for his assistant coach when his phone rang. It was an unknown number but he was too agitated to process.

"Hello?"

"Are you fucking her yet?"

Edward froze mid-step. "Lauren?"

"Are you?" Her voice was ice cold and dark.

"Who? What are you talking about?" Edward stopped himself from playing her game. "Lauren, don't call me again or I'll call the police."

"I saw the way she was touching you, Edward. Are you fucking her?"

Edward's heart stopped. He looked into the parking lot, then up into the surrounding hills and terraced fields. She was here. But where? He scanned the upper lot and caught a flash of reflected light. There.

Edward watched as Lauren moved to the front of her car and lowered her binoculars.

"Is your cock hard thinking about it, baby? Do you want to fuck her?" The desire in her voice chilled his blood.

Edward snapped his phone shut mid-word and stalked over to the other coach.

"Hey, Todd? Can you lock everything up tonight? I'm not feeling very well."

Todd nodded and Edward headed for the Jeep, ignoring the constant ringing of his phone. Shit. Shit. The fucking bitch!

He slammed the bag into the backseat and took a calming breath. She couldn't do this. No way was he going to let her. He slid into the driver's seat and called Jenks.

"Jenks. She's calling me now. She came to practice and told someone I needed a good screw. She's crazy, man!" He snapped his seatbelt on and cranked up. He tried to see if she was still watching, but the trees obscured his view.

"Edward, meet me at the police station in ten minutes, okay? We'll deal with this."

Edward spent the next two hours waiting and filing complaints. By the time they were done, he was exhausted. He drove home looking over his shoulder every thirty seconds. Lauren was out there somewhere and she wasn't going away. He remembered other times when he'd tried to deny her. She was relentless and all those other times ended with his cock in her. The thought made him tired.

He threw his keys on the kitchen counter and leaned his head against the cabinets.

"Are you okay?" Alice whispered next to him. He felt her arms slide around his waist and shook his head silently. "What happened? All you said in your text was that Lauren showed up after practice."

Edward kept his eyes closed and told her everything that happened.

Alice pushed her way between him and the cabinets. The look on her face was frightening. "Are you… sad?" She lifted her eyebrow. "I don't understand this attitude here, Edward. Are you scared of her?"

Edward threw his hands in the air and gestured. "I'm done, Alice. Done! I want her to just go away!"

"But she's not going to, Edward! She's a disease. She knows she can get to you and that's what she's doing." She poked him in the chest with one pointy finger. "You've been weak for years, Eddie. Years! She thinks all she has to do is keep at you and she'll wear you down. And that's exactly what you're doing!"

Edward grabbed at his hair and growled. "No. I'm. Not." He looked at the tiny angry woman in front of him. "I'm not going back. Ever."

Alice narrowed her eyes at him. "I know that. But that's what this looks like. The tiredness. The droopy eyes, the stooped shoulders. The heavy sighs. Suck it up, buddy. Grow a set and tell her to go to hell and don't stop until she gets it!"

Edward looked at his sister and thought about what she was saying. Was he weakening? Was he falling into the same pattern that got him into this mess to begin with? He furrowed his brows and really thought.

Alice's angry breath was loud in his ears as he thought about what he wanted and what he didn't want. He wanted freedom and happiness. He did not want empty sex, manipulation or Lauren. Alice was right. He was letting her get to him.

"I have to fight her. She's too dumb to understand anything else. You're right."

Alice studied his face and liked what she saw. His shoulders were straight. His jaw was set. "That's more like it!"

Edward smirked and immediately felt better. He wasn't going to relate to Lauren the same way anymore. No more passiveness. No more being manipulated. No weakening. He had too much to lose. He thought of Bella and felt something strong swell in his chest. He wouldn't lose Bella.

~O~

Bella heard from Alice the next day in a text message.

Want 2 come over for an early supper? Got 2 talk to u. Boys can play. – A

Sure. What can I bring? – B

Nothing. I got it. So glad no practice on Fridays! – A

I know! C u after school! – B

~O~

"So he filed a complaint, right?" Bella asked while sipping coffee in Alice's kitchen when Alice was done telling the whole sordid business.

"Yep and he grew a set. I could tell she was making him tired, which is the first step in her arsenal. But he squared his shoulders and prepared for battle." She grinned. "It was awesome."

Bella swallowed nervously and wiped her mouth with her napkin. "You don't think she's dangerous, do you?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "No way. She's a perv. A sex addict. Once she realizes that Edward is done, she'll move on. She can't stand not being able to manipulate him that way. But he sure isn't interested." She grinned at Bella, "He must've found something better."

Bella blushed but couldn't hide her smile. "I don't know about better. I'm not beautiful like Lauren, but.."

"Bullshit." Alice interrupted.

Bella felt her eyes get wide. "What?"

Alice looked her over. "I said 'bullshit'. Bella, you're gorgeous. Seriously. How do you not see that?"

Bella looked down at herself and shrugged. She wasn't very pretty; she knew that. It was okay. She told Alice so and jumped a little when Alice growled at her.

"Come with me."

Bella felt herself being dragged through the living room and off into Alice's room.

Alice slammed the door and stood in front of it. "Take off your clothes."

Bella's eyes got impossibly bigger. "Huh?"

"I said, take off your clothes." She raised her eyebrows and waited. "Now."

Bella lifted her shirt and tossed it onto the bed. Alice kept staring at her and was now tapping her foot. Bella unfastened her pants and tossed them too.

"Bra, too."

Bella blushed. "Alice!"

"Yes, Bella! Trust me. Now do it or I'll do it for you."

Bella unhooked her bra and dropped it. Then covered her breasts with her arms. Alice turned her toward the mirror and stood beside her. "Look at yourself, Bella. Your hair is so pretty. It's long and full. And it's got natural highlights in it." She lifted Bella's hair up off her shoulders. "You just need a decent cut."

"And your neck is long and slender. Your skin is flawless. No zits. No giant moles or anything." She patted Bella's shoulder.

"Your boobs are not floppy or droopy. No stretch marks. No crazy hairs." She dropped Bella's hair and poked her in the stomach, making her giggle. "Your belly is flat, and again, no stretch marks. No c section scar. Your hips are proportional to the rest of you." Bella's arms were now by her side as she listened to her friend.

She stepped back and stared at Bella, sizing her up. "You think you're not beautiful because that sonofabitch said you weren't. You dress so no one will notice you. You want to be invisible, that's why you are."

Alice cocked her head to the side and bit her lip. She turned Bella towards her. "All you need is more flattering clothes. Something to show off your waist. And you definitely need a new bra!" She scooped Bella's boobs up and pushed them together. "They're a nice size. You just wear shitty bras."

Bella looked down and was surprised at the amount of cleavage she saw. She opened her mouth to tell Alice that when the bedroom door popped open.

"Allie, have you seen… holy fuck," Edward breathed.

Both women screamed and Alice moved to block Bella's nakedness from his sight but forgot Bella was in front of a mirror. Her ass was still on display.

"EDWARD!" Alice screamed and started shoving at him.

But Edward was immobile and hard as a statue. In more ways than one.

Bella stood covering herself in mortification and horror until she saw his eyes darken. She looked down and saw his athletic shorts starting to tent. Wow. He looked stunned and aroused. By looking at her. She did that. It wasn't because of kissing or anything else. Just from looking at her.

Once Alice had the door shut and loudly locked, she turned back to Bella. "He's such an ass. Good grief." She was fuming but stopped at the look on Bella's face. Her anger turned into a smug grin. "See, Bella?" She winked. "Somebody thinks you're beautiful."

Bella turned stunned eyes to Alice and blinked. "When can we go shopping?" And she couldn't help but join in with Alice's bright laughter.

**A/N : More to come. I'm feeling citrusy. Anyone want some lemonade? **

**Next chapter almost done, no lemons yet. But oh… they're coming. Pun definitely intended. Heehee.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Twilight still isn't mine**….

**Short chapter but it sets the stage, if you know whadda mean. *wink* **

* * *

Bella looked around Alice to where Edward was leaning against the window. Her heart thumped in her chest when he looked over his shoulder as they entered the room. The look on his face was still dark and filled with something vaguely dangerous. Bella lost her breath at the look of it.

"Wow," she heard Alice mutter at the sight of it. "Edward, we need childcare."

Edward kept his hungry gaze on Bella until she had so much wetness between her legs she felt the need for new underwear. Bella felt her chest burning and realized she wasn't breathing. She was saved when Alice stepped between them and waved her arms.

"Hello? Edward? Right here, sweetie."

Bella sucked in a deep breath and rubbed her thighs together. Damn. He looked so hot. And he wanted her. Wow.

Bella looked around Alice's shoulder to find Edward's eyes burning holes in his sister. "What do you want, Alice?" He shifted his hungry gaze to Bella, then back to Alice.

Alice looked taken aback. "Um, we wanted to…" she cleared her throat and started over. "Edward, Bella and I need to go shopping and we need childcare." Edward narrowed his eyes at his sister. "AND… if you will watch the boys for the next three and a half hours…" she narrowed her eyes back. "I will let Will spend the night here."

_Oh, excellent. Well played, Alice_, thought Bella.

Edward looked at his sister for a few seconds then nodded. "Done."

Alice twirled to Bella and held her hand out for a high five. "Yes! Hurry, Bella! Let's go before he starts whining."

"But…" Edward interrupted, making Alice heave a sigh. His eyes went back to Bella and he swallowed hard. "I need five minutes. In the bathroom." He licked his lips. "Alone."

"Oh my god," whispered Bella. It was taking every ounce of strength she had to not pounce on him. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his face. His eyes were dark and half-lidded and for her alone. He was going to jack off. She couldn't stop her moan.

Alice looked back and forth between the two of them. She'd never seen Edward so… lethal looking and the way he was looking at Bella… if Jasper looked at her that way… she shivered at the thought.

"Holy shit, guys. You're killing me here."

Bella looked like she was going to melt into a puddle where she stood. She knew what she had to do.

Alice clapped her hands together several times, effectively breaking them out of their sex-starved stupor.

Bella blinked and looked at her friend. Alice was looking panicked. "Come on, Bella. We have to go. Now! Get in the car." She put her hands on Bella's back and pushed. As she propelled her past the sofa, she grabbed her purse and kept going.

Bella stumbled along, her mind still on Edward and what he wanted to do. The image of him, leaning over the sink, his hand on his cock, pumping. She whimpered and Alice picked up the pace.

Alice didn't slow down until her car was out of the driveway and down the block.

"Shit, Bella. That about killed me. What is up with you two? I thought it was sweet at first, but that looked really intense." She looked at her friend who was finally starting to breathe normally. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Bella looked at her, still slightly dazed. "What?"

Alice shook her head. "Bella. He wants you. Bad. I mean…" she shook her head again. "Like, really bad." She checked traffic and turned onto the main road. "Are you sure you're ready for, you know…" She trailed off and glanced at Bella.

Bella looked at Alice and nodded. Then nodded again, faster. "I want him, too."

Alice still looked concerned. They rode in silence for a few minutes while Alice navigated the interstate traffic. She had never seen Edward so worked up, or so controlled. She didn't know what to think of it. She just knew that with all Bella had been through, she didn't want her to get hurt or have some sort of panic attack.

"Are you sure?" she whispered. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

Bella pulled her thoughts away from images of a naked Edward and tried to listen. "What do you mean?"

Alice signaled her lane change and headed for the off ramp. Keeping her eyes on the road, she grimaced. "I can tell you love him. I know you do. I also know that sometimes you have trouble."

Bella felt herself blush, "Trouble?"

Alice stopped at the light and looked over at her friend. "You know, with panic attacks. I just want you to be sure you want this. If you're not, I'll call him and tell him to calm the fuck down." She chuckled. "Believe me, I don't mind."

Bella grinned and nodded. "I know. I need to think about this because right now, I swear, I would do it with him here on the side of the road." She shivered. "I swear to God, Alice. He is the sexiest thing I have ever seen and knowing that he... that someone like him... loves me and wants me... it does something to me."

She got lost in her thoughts again and only snapped out of it when Alice put the car in park. She clicked her seatbelt open and climbed out of the car only to be met by Alice.

"Are you… vibrating?" Bella asked nervously.

Alice clapped her hands. "Yes! I'm just so excited! This is going to be awesome."

She took Bella's hand and skipped into the first of many stores.

Three hours later, Bella was elated and exhausted and Alice's trunk was full.

"I spent two hundred dollars on underwear," Bella giggled.

"No, that was my gift to you." Alice waggled her eyebrows. "You spent two hundred dollars on clothes that fit you and show off your beauty."

Bella sighed happily. She reached over and took Alice's hand. "That was really fun. I'm glad you're my friend."

Alice surprised Bella with tears. "I'm glad you're my friend, too." They held hands as Alice sped down the freeway. "Have you thought about tonight?"

Bella nodded. "Yes. I want Edward so much and I know he wants me too." She squeezed Alice's hand and continued, "And I know him. He'll be gentle with me if I need him to be. He's so sweet to me. The thing is, and I hope this is not too much information," she grinned over at her. "I don't want him to be slow. I want his passion. I want to know that he thinks I'm beautiful. I want to have that kind of power over him." Her grip tightened. "Is that bad?"

Alice laughed. "No. I don't think that's bad at all. As long as you realize, he has that kind of power over you, too. You're both so used to being the weak one in the relationship and now…" she smiled and moved into the right lane. "Now, you're in an equal relationship. You're both _loved_ for the first time." She squeezed Bella's hand and exited the off ramp. "I think it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It's like something from a movie or something."

Bella sighed. "I know. It seems too good to be true."

They drove through to town in contented silence.

"I'm taking you to your house. I'll help you carry everything in and maybe," she winked, "maybe even help you pick out something a little more comfortable. If you know what I mean…"

Bella nodded and blushed. "Okay."

~O~

"What took you so long?" Edward demanded, craning his neck to find Bella.

Alice breezed past him into her room. When Edward stalked in, he found her flopped across her bed slipping her shoes off.

"What the hell, Alice?" he growled.

"I am exhausted." She groaned and stretched. "Seriously. But that was sooo fun!"

"ALICE! What the fuck?"

Alice sat up quickly. "Where are the boys?"

Edward grabbed his hair with both hands. "In Jason's room watching a movie. They're ready for bed and everything. Now, would you please stop torturing me and tell me where Bella is."

Alice narrowed her eyes and stood up. "I'll tell you but you have to listen to me first." She pointed to the bed. "Sit."

Edward tried to stare her down but eventually did as he was told.

Alice paced back and forth like a general preparing for battle. "Here's the deal, brother. She's been through a lot. She's been abused and unloved and she's felt ugly most of her life. I thought your job tonight was to NOT jump on her the second you get a chance." She stopped in front of him with her hands on her hips and her eyebrow lifted. "I was afraid that you wanted her too badly, that you would scare her or hurt her."

She watched as his face fell, as realization hit him. She let it sink in a little before allowing her grin to peek out. "But…" she waited for his eyes to snap up to hers. "I was wrong. She wants your passion. She wants to know that she makes you crazy. She wants you to want her."

She threw herself in front of him when he jumped up. "She wants you to love her. Can you do that?"

Edward looked her right in the eye and whispered, "That's all I want to do. I just want her. Nothing else." He gripped his sister's shoulders and pleaded, "Where is she?"

Alice grinned up at him. "She's at her house waiting on you." She held out her hand. "Here are her keys; drive her car home. And don't forget, you have a game at noon tomorrow."

Edward sighed in relief, snatched the keys from her hand and kissed her square on the mouth. "I love you sis."

"Not as much as you will when you see what she's wearing," Alice winked and giggled when his eyes got big. "Go!"

Edward sprinted out the front door unable to contain himself any longer.

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**A/N: I know this was a really short chapter and I know I left off at the worst time, but this chapter was mostly in Alice's perspective. And the next one most definitely will not be. Hang in there!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine.**

**Thanks for the reviews last chapter. And to all who've added this story to Favorites and Story Alert, thank you! I'm glad you like it. Hope this chapter lives up to expectations. It made my husband happy. Ha! And it's my longest chapter yet!**

**Warning: you might not want to read this at work or** **in a public location. Just sayin'….**

* * *

_Where was it_? Edward dumped the laundry basket out onto his bed. His game shirt was around here somewhere. He wore it a week ago and put it straight into the wash. He'd looked in his closet but it wasn't there.

"Hey, Uncle Eddie? Can we have a water balloon fight? Will brought balloons and we have our swimsuits."

Edward looked up at his nephew. "Sure. That's fine." He sifted through his clothes one more time. He was trying to get everything for tomorrow lined up so he could spend the evening with Bella. Maybe if he helped with supper, Alice would watch Will.

He dropped the last shirt into the basket. Dammit. He growled. Wait. Alice. She knew where everything was.

Alice's door was shut but he could hear Alice and Bella talking.

"Alice, have you seen…" He looked up. Shit. Bella was naked. And Alice was fondling her tits. "Holy fuck," he breathed.

There was movement and possibly screaming but all he could hear was the sound of his heart pounding in his veins. Bella was covering her breasts now but her ass was visible in the mirror behind her. She was fucking gorgeous. She was gorgeous and she was his. He wanted her to be completely his, in every way. He wanted her.

Suddenly he was pushed out the door and stood transfixed at it as it was locked against him. He absently rubbed at his cock that was now standing at attention tenting his shorts. Shit. He finally walked away in a daze.

He had no idea how long he'd been staring out the kitchen window when he heard a noise behind him. He turned and all he saw was Bella. Her eyes were on his and she looked nervous. He wanted her to know that he loved her. That he would never hurt her. But he wanted her to know how much he wanted her.

His vision was tunneled and he saw her eyes darken with understanding. Then out of nowhere, Alice appeared, yelling and waving her arms. Where had she come from? He focused on her face and tried to make out the meaning of the words she was speaking.

"What do you want, Alice?" He wanted her to go away. He wanted Bella alone; Alice was in his way.

It seemed to take an interminable amount of time for her to get to the point. It finally clicked. She and Bella wanted to leave. Hell, no. But then she threw out the best part. She would keep Will. He could have Bella all night. Hell. Yes. "Done."

He watched them celebrate and narrowed his eyes. He wanted Bella to know what she did to him. "Wait." He looked back at Bella and watched her squirm. He affected her too. "I need five minutes. In the bathroom." He licked his lips when Bella rubbed her thighs together. "Alone." Her moan was music to his ears.

Then suddenly she was gone. Alice practically carried her out the door. He heard the engine rev and ran to the front window. He watched Alice's car speed off and wondered if they thought he was going to follow them.

He checked on the boys and saw they were perfectly happy with their forts and water balloons. He walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. His cock was still throbbing and he yanked his shorts down. It was dark with arousal. He hissed when his hand wrapped around it.

"Fuck," he growled. He pictured Bella naked, her hands pressing her tits together. He wondered what it would feel like to fuck them. He could see her hands pushing them together as he slid his cock between them. He tried to hold on longer but it was no use. He was too far gone. After only a couple of minutes he was coming in the tissue he'd grabbed.

He cleaned himself up and groaned. He was still half hard. There would be no relief without Bella.

Edward spent his evening cooking, feeding the boys, cleaning up and waiting. By nine the boys were in bed watching a movie and he was standing in the hallway, staring at the door. He pounced as soon as it opened.

"What took you so long?" he demanded.

Alice walked passed him, completely ignoring him. It took some time and at one point he wanted to hit her, but eventually Alice told him what he wanted to hear. And more.

~O~

Edward pulled onto Bella's street with his nerves jangling. She wanted his passion. She wanted his force. And she would get it. He clicked the garage door opener that was clipped to the visor over his head and watched the door slide open. As soon as he was in, he clicked it again and sat still for a full minute. He needed to get control of himself.

Alice was right. Bella was fragile and as much as she wanted his passion, neither one of them knew if she could handle it. He had to be in control enough to pay attention to the warning signs.

He opened the driver's door and stepped into the quiet garage. It smelled of car and paint and varnish. He stood at the door going into the house for a second, trying to decide if he should knock or just walk in. He lifted his hand to the knob when the door flew open.

Bella stood on the other side, dressed in a blue baby-doll nightie. Her tits were pushed together and the thing hit her mid-thigh. He drank in the sight of her. Her hair was down and waved around her flushed face.

He hesitated for a second more as he gauged the look in her eyes. Satisfied, he stepped to her and grasped her face in his hands, kissing her with all the passion he was feeling. He felt her hands grip his forearms and stepped her back into the house.

He plunged his tongue into her mouth and kicked the door shut with his foot. Her mouth was eager as she kissed him back. He tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. She tasted of mouthwash and sweetness that was only her. He sucked on her top lip and moaned at her sweetness. Her hair was like silk in his grip and he had to remind himself to be gentle with her. She was panting with need now and he was just getting started.

Edward spun them around and pressed her to the wall next to the door. His weight held her still and he let his hands explore her curves. Her hands were now firmly planted in his hair and the feel of it was delicious.

He tore his mouth away from her mouth and attacked her neck.

"Oh my god, Edward," she moaned.

He pulled himself back. She was his now and he told her so.

"Yes. Yes," she whimpered as he nibbled on her ear.

"Just mine. And I'm yours Bella. I'm only yours. You are my life now," he groaned as she lifted her leg to wrap around his hip. He kissed her wildly, his tongue exploring her mouth, his mouth open on hers.

She pulled away long enough to whisper, "I love you, Edward." And her voice made tears spring to his eyes.

He looked down at her. Her eyes were closed as she let herself experience true passion. He kissed her more gently and leaned back.

"Bella, you make me crazy with need. It's like I can't get a full breath when you're not with me. I see you and my heart starts beating again." He kissed her again. "And when you love me, I can feel the pieces of me that are broken and shattered coming back together again." He kissed her harder, tasting the inside of her mouth. He pulled away abruptly, "I need you Bella. I need you like I need my next breath. I hunger for you; for your smile, your laughter," he kissed her again until she was breathless, "your passion."

"Edward," she panted against his mouth, "I want you so much. Stop talking now. Kiss me."

One side of his mouth lifted, "Yes ma'am."

Their kisses carried them down the hall, past the bathroom, to the door of her room. She was desperate for him now. Her hands were ripping at his shirt, yanking it over his head. He rubbed her breasts through the material of her nightie.

He felt her hands rubbing over the ridges of his stomach and pulled his mouth away from hers. His eyes closed in pleasure as she ran her mouth over his chest, licking and biting as she went. Then her hands were at his waistband and she was pushing his shorts over his hips.

He stepped out and grabbed her hands before they could wrap around his cock.

"Not yet, baby," he whispered against her lips. "If you touch me now, I swear I'll come all over that pretty little nightgown."

Her hands stilled. "Okay," she whispered.

Edward looked down at her and smiled. "You're so dirty, Bella. I love it. You want me to come on you?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "I don't care. I just want you, Edward."

Edward smiled and reminded himself that his words always seemed to get them in trouble. He never knew what would set her PTSD off. He kissed the tip of her nose and lifted her into his arms. "I love you."

She smiled at him and let him carry her to the bed.

Bella watched his muscles flex and felt her whole body flush. She ran her hands over his skin and heard his breath shudder. He sat her on the bed and she raised up on her knees.

"Let me touch you, please," she murmured, watching his face.

She waited for him to nod and then ran her hands over his shoulders, down his arms to his fingers. She let her fingers tangle with his and lifted one to her mouth.

"I love your hands," she whispered and kissed the tip of it. She touched each of his fingers in turn, kissing them and running his fingertips over her cheek. She looked up at him and swirled her tongue around his thumb. She watched his eyes close in pleasure.

She let go of his hand and put her hands on his chest, over his heart. His skin was soft but his muscles were taut and defined. He had light hair covering his chest and she ran her fingers through it. Hair was sprinkled down his stomach and she ran one fingertip down the line of hair to where it thickened again. His cock was rigid and angry looking. She ran her hand over it and listened to him growl. There was a small pearl of liquid at the head and she leaned forward to taste it.

"Shit, Bella."

She looked up at him and smiled in victory. No panic attack. She looked back at his cock and licked her lips. She looked at him from under her lashes and whispered, "Don't touch my head, okay?"

Edward smiled at her and nodded. She watched him lift his hands over his head and lock his fingers together. His biceps were bulging and she was amazed at his beauty.

Bella looked back at his cock and leaned in. She licked him again, just to ease herself into it. When he didn't touch her, she took the tip of him into her mouth and swirled her tongue around the head.

"Fuuuckkk, Bella."

His voice was music to her ears. She used one hand to steady herself on the bed and the other to grip the base of his cock. As she lowered her head, she squeezed. Her heart swelled with joy that she could do this for him. She continued on for a minute, encouraged by the sounds he was making. Just as she let go and reveled in the pleasure she was giving Edward, she felt the familiar fearful tightening in her chest.

She popped off and looked up at him with frightened eyes. He must have seen her panic because he smiled gently and leaned down to kiss her.

"That was wonderful, Bella. Thank you." He nuzzled her neck, calming her. His breath was hot in her ear and his voice reminded her she was safe. There was nothing to be afraid of.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't.." Her words were cut off by Edward's kiss.

"No apologies. You did it, baby. You gave me head and it was awesome. Don't apologize."

Then he kissed her again and every feeling of fear or inadequacy fled. Her heart started pounding again and she felt his weight pushing her back onto the mattress. She fell back willingly and watched the muscles in his shoulders bunch up as he leaned over her.

"I love you Bella." He kissed up her cheek to her ear and back down her neck to her shoulder. She felt his cock rub against her slit and moaned.

She wrapped her legs around his hips. "Come inside me, please. I need you, Edward."

"Not yet." The heat from her was overwhelming him. He laid to one side, slid one arm under her head and the other down from her cheek, to her collarbone, over her breast to her stomach. He kept his eyes on hers as his hand slid down to her heat. Her eyes closed when he stretched one long finger out to her clit, rubbing it just right.

He started moving his fingers and she knew that as much as she had always loved his hands, that love was now at a whole new level. He was making her body writhe in pleasure. He plunged one, then two fingers into her heat and she cried out. His thumb was still at her clit and she opened her eyes to look at him. His eyes were half open as he watched his own hand bring her pleasure, but he shifted them to her face when he felt her looking. She watched him watch her and the love and passion and desire were too much. She felt herself tightening and arched her back off the bed as her climax stole her breath.

She felt him shift and shuddered in aftershocks. So good. Her body was still humming and her eyes refused to stay open. His weight was now between her legs and she forced her eyes open.

He was braced over her, his muscles bunched. She ran her hands over his shoulders and down to his chest. Then she looked into his eyes and felt him slide down until he was at her opening. She nodded and he slid into her.

"Aaahhhh." She cried out.

"Fuck, baby," he grunted.

He pulled out and slid in a little deeper. Bella was in awe. His cock was stretching her, filling her in a way she'd never felt before. She'd had sex. She thought she knew what it would feel like, but she was wrong. This was different. Amazing.

She looked into his eyes and smiled. He felt wonderful. She felt a pulse of pleasure and gasped. Never before…

Edward watched her face as he pumped into her. Her eyes were full of amazement and she was smiling up at him. He tilted his hips and watched her eyes close in pleasure. There it was. He wanted to see her come apart. Wanted to know he could do that for her. He pumped again and felt her contract.

"Does that feel good, baby?" he whispered. He lowered himself onto his elbows and ran his fingertips over her cheeks. She nodded and he smiled.

"Do you like it?" she whispered.

Edward thrust into her a little harder. "Fuck yes," he groaned. "You feel amazing, wrapped around my cock like this." He mentally kicked himself. He needed to shut the fuck up or he was going to say the wrong thing. But instead of fear, he felt her clench again.

"Harder, Edward."

Edward plunged in a little harder and she groaned. Again. In and out. He slid his arms under her back and wrapped his hands around her shoulders as he plunged into her over and over.

The bed was starting to rock and squeak with the force of his movements. There was a rhythmic thumping as the headboard hit the wall. He heard her cry out as he hit bottom and grunted.

"Right there. Right there, baby. Harder," she cried.

His breath was coming out in grunts as he thrust into her. "Plant your feet baby. Lift your hips," he panted. And when she did, he hit that one spot, the one he was looking for. He hit it again and she started screaming. He felt her clench down on him as her orgasm flashed through her.

Edward made his thrusts shallow and rode her through it. Then grabbing her tighter, he rolled them over. She pushed up on his chest and groaned at the sensation of him still hard inside her.

"Ride me baby," he whispered.

She lifted herself up and let go, falling back until their hips were flush. She groaned and paused. When she did it again, Edward lifted his hands to gently touch her tits. They groaned together.

Bella felt amazing. She'd never done this before and the sensations were beyond words. She could feel him so much better and she had complete control. She leaned back until she could rest her hands on his thighs. She felt them flexing as he lifted into her again. She looked down at Edward's face. He was watching her and whatever she looked like, she could tell he liked it.

He pinched at her nipple and pleasure exploded through her. "Oh my god," she panted.

He did it again and she cried out. Her body was undulating up and down without her control and she was close. She could feel him sliding in and out of her body and slammed down harder. It was wonderful. It was too much.

She felt his thumb slide over her clit and then she was coming again. Without even realizing it, her hands were in her hair and her hips were circling wildly.

Edward felt his balls drawing up and rubbed her clit harder until she was screaming over him. He grasped her hips and slammed her down again, holding her still as he exploded. Over and over he felt himself pulse into her. He felt her body land on his chest and groaned again, still coming. He'd never come so hard in his life. It felt like he'd never move again. He wondered if he was paralyzed.

Several minutes later, he could wiggle his toes. Good sign. He tried shifting his legs and felt his cock shift inside her. Oh god, so good. She must have felt it too because she lifted her head to smile at him.

"That was amazing, Edward. So amazing." She kissed his chest and smiled. "I'm so glad you love me."

All Edward could do was smile at her. He was afraid his chest would burst with all the feelings swelling inside him. Something else was swelling too. He wondered if she could feel it. He shifted again and she gasped.

"Already?" she whispered.

He groaned when she tightened around him. "Oh. Uh. Baby, stop. We don't have to if you…" he grunted again when she tightened around him.

She sat up again and smiled. He smiled back and lifted his hands to take the weight of her tits in his hand. "God, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen Bella." He rubbed his thumbs over her nipples and watched her eyes darken. He did it again and felt fresh wetness on his cock.

"You like that baby?" he whispered.

She nodded and looked down at his hands on her. He sat up and with his hands on her hips, began guiding her up and down his cock. He watched her tits bounce and sucked one into his mouth, bathing the nipple with his tongue.

He groaned at the sound of her thighs slapping against his. She gripped his hair until it was painful but he didn't care. She was divine. He switched breasts and flicked his tongue over her. She liked it, if the sounds she was making were any indication.

It didn't take long for her to come again. When he felt it, he leaned back on his hands and watched. She was just so perfect. Her tits were swaying in time with the pleasure her body was taking from him. She opened her eyes and saw him watching.

"Are you going to come again?" she asked shyly.

He nodded quickly and wrapping his arms around her, rolled them again. Staying pushed up on his arms, he plunged in and out of her wildly, feeling himself getting close. He opened his eyes again to see her smiling at him again. And when she lifted a hand to his cheek, he turned his face into it.

"I love you, Edward," she murmured. His eyes clenched shut as pleasure coursed through him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he grunted as he came again. And when he was done, he collapsed on her. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he should roll over or something. He was probably crushing her. He could feel her chest struggling to lift him. It took a second but he was finally able to roll and wrapped one arm around her, pulling her close.

Bella wrapped her arms around him and squeezed until sleep started slipping over her. She felt him kiss her forehead and smiled.

"I love you," he whispered.

She sighed in contentment. "I love you right back."

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**A/N: Sooooooo? Thoughts? Too much? I hope it lived up to your expectations… Sheesh! I'd need a cigarette right now if I smoked…**

**The next few chapters might be a bit fluffy. Hope you don't mind. I need a little break from reality, Lauren especially. **

**Shout outs to Discordia81 and lgk. Thanks for the encouragement and the ideas. I'm using one of them in the next chapter. Just you wait and see. heehee...**

**Your reviews speed things up. Seriously, they do. Thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:****Twilight****isn****'****t****mine.**

**This****chapter****took****me****forever****to****write.****I****knew****what****it****was****supposed****to****say,****but****every****sentence****came****out****sounding****stupid.****So****I****revised****and****deleted****and****started****over.****Hope****you****like****it!**

**There****is****a****Southern****colloquialism****in****this****chapter****that****I****was****told****needed****to****be****defined.**** "****Whooping****and****hollering****" ****(pronounced**** "****hoopin****' ****and****hollerin****'"****)****means****yelling****and****screaming.****It****has****a****connotation****of****being****cheerful****or****excited**. **A****little****fyi****and****insight****into****the****South****…**

"Let's go, Will Swan! Come on, Tigers!" Bella screamed at the top of her lungs.

She looked nervously at the clock. Ten seconds left. That meant one play, they only had time for one more play.

"Get him, Will!"

The score was 17-14, Tigers. And the other team, the Stallions, had the ball.

"If they score, we're gonna lose, Emmett!" She yelled over the crowd noise while gripping her brother's arm in a death grip.

"I know," he yelled back, waiting for the ball to snap.

"We can't lose! I hate this team. Their coaches are so mean!" She was jumping up and down. "Get him, Will!"

Emmett showed no signs of noticing his sister's nails digging into his arm. He was riveted by the sight of his nephew taking his stance. He was concentrating on what Will needed to do. Shake off the tight end and the blockers. Get loose. Go for the quarterback and slam him before he has a chance to throw the ball.

The ball snapped. Will came up strong. There were three guys blocking his way.

"Come on, Will. Knock 'em down! Get him!" Bella's voice was the loudest.

Will slung his arms up, breaking loose. Bella watched exhilarated when both defender's butts hit the grass. He rolled around the third and was free.

Time slowed. Bella looked back downfield. Their receiver was free. He was wide open.

"GET HIM, WILL!" She looked back. The quarterback's arm went back. Turf was flying from under Will's cleats. Shoulders down, arms pumping. He was almost there.

Even in the stands, the impact of Will's shoulder pads against the quarterback's hip pads was loud. Wham!

They both went down, the ball flying.

"Yeeaaaahhhhhhh!"

The crowd went wild. The game was over. Will's team, the winner. And Will did it. He sacked the quarterback and ended the game. His teammates were screaming and jumping all over the place. Will was getting slapped on the back and chest bumped in congratulations.

Bella felt tears fill her eyes and chill bumps come to life on her arms. She watched her son triumphantly high five his teammates and fist pump the air. This was why she went to practice three or four times a week. This was why she would do it every day if she had to. Will had found something he was good at and something he loved.

She looked to the sidelines and watched Edward laugh. He jogged to the end zone and motioned for his team to follow him. Bella and Emmett gathered their stadium seats and trash and made their way to where the boys were gathered around their coaches, resting on one knee.

"Jack, I saw you grabbing at jerseys again. You've gotta stop that. If you're gonna tackle, then tackle. But this grabbing at them has to stop. Be ready to work next week. Tanner, what happened to you third quarter?"

Bella was confused. They won. Why was he being so hard on them? Why wasn't he smiling and laughing and congratulating them? She looked up at Emmett and opened her mouth but he shook his head at her. She studied her brother's face and could tell that he wasn't the least bit upset with Edward's attitude. She turned back to the team. They were solemn and watchful.

"Now some things went well and you fought hard all the way until the end. I'm proud of you for that. But if you'd been playing smart the whole game it would have never come down to one play. And you can thank your teammate here," he motioned to Will, "because that sack kept us from losing. Their passing game is phenomenal for a team so young." Bella watched Edward suppress a smile as he waited for the cheers to quiet. "Do any of you other coaches have anything to add?"

Bella glanced around the huddle. One by one the assistant coaches shook their heads and Edward continued. "Be ready to practice hard this week. Good job guys. I'm proud of you. Now come on, hands out." He stuck his hand in front of him and waited as the players crowded around to stack their hands over his. "Go Tigers on three. One. Two. Three. GO TIGERS!" The huddle broke and the boys went back to whooping and hollering and being ecstatic.

Bella clapped along with the other parents and motioned for Will to head their way. She chanced a look at Edward and saw him smiling and talking with an older couple. They were exceptionally handsome. Very stylish and wealthy. She was watching and wondering who they were when she saw Alice bounce over to them and give each a hug and kiss. Ohhhh, those were the parents. Bella watched, fascinated, as they congratulated and hugged Jason.

"Will! Come here. My grandpa wants to meet you!" Jason was gesturing wildly in their direction.

Will shoved his helmet into his mother's hands and took off running. Bella smiled and looked up at her brother when she heard him laugh. "He's a hero."

Bella nodded and chuckled.

"It's good to see him so happy, Sis." He wrapped one giant arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "You're doing a great job." He patted her shoulder and added, "Now if we can just get you laid, I can go on vacation."

Bella sputtered and stammered and blushed before giving up and smacking him repeatedly in the arm and chest. "You're such a pig, Emmett. You…" She smacked him again for good measure. "pig!"

Emmett was laughing and grabbed at his sister. He pulled her into a headlock, "Calm down, BellyButton. I was kidding! It was a joke! Ouch!" He released her and clutched his arm. "You bit me!"

"Damn right I bit you! You moron!" Bella flipped her hair back and straightened her clothes. She glanced up and saw the look of utter shock on her brother's face and burst out laughing. "Honestly, Emmett. You are ridiculous."

Emmett looked down at the teeth marks on his arm and shook his head. "I can't believe you bit me."

"Who's she biting now? We've been having a problem with that at practice," Edward's voice was full of laughter.

Emmett laughed at Bella's blush. "She's always been a biter. But don't worry, she's had her shots."

"Ha. Ha. Ha, Dumbass." Bella intoned and shoved at his brick wall of a chest, stifling her grin.

Emmett laughed and stuck his hand out. "Good to see you again, Coach."

Edward shook hands and insisted. "Please, call me 'Edward'."

"Edward. Good game today."

"Thanks. They worked hard." He turned to Bella. "Well, I've gotta run. Football meeting. Something about homecoming," he cut his eyes to Emmett. "And to be honest, I do not care. At all. But I've got to go." He shook Emmett's hand. "It was good to see you again, Emmett. See you around Bella."

Emmett watched him walk away and narrowed his eyes. He glanced down at his sister and saw the way she looked after Will's coach. "So that's how it is, huh?"

Bella blinked and straightened her shirt again, dusting off non-existent pieces of lint. "I don't know what you mean."

Emmett grinned. "UmHmm. Right. Whatever."

Bella grinned up at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shook his head and grinned. "Not a thing. Not a single thing." But he winked and looked happy for her as they went in search of Will.

~O~

Edward left the meeting early and made his way to his Jeep. There had to be a way to get Bella alone for a while. He wanted to take her on a date, but until he was sure that Lauren had moved on he couldn't risk it.

Edward pulled into Alice's driveway and smiled when he saw Bella's car. At least he would get to see her even if he couldn't hold her the way he wanted. He hopped out of the Jeep and jogged up the front steps.

He could hear Alice's happy chatter as soon as he walked in the door.

"I know! Jason was so happy. I was just telling Bella…" her voice faded with the shutting of a door. Edward realized his sister was having her weekly "talk" with Jasper.

He rested against the kitchen doorway and watched Bella. She was gathering dishes from the counter and smiling slightly.

"You seem happy." He couldn't help smiling with her.

Bella's head snapped up and the smile she gave him lit him up inside.

"Hi!"

Edward returned her greeting and stepped into the kitchen. "What've you guys been doing?"

Bella put the dishes in her hands into the sink and stepped over to wrap her arms around him. She gave him a squeeze then stepped back and motioned to herself. "As you can see, Alice went shopping at a consignment shop. I got three new dresses." She picked at the skirt. "I don't know. I'm not used to wearing dresses. What do you think?"

Edward smiled at the pretty sight she made and nodded. "I like it. You look very pretty."

Bella raised one eyebrow. "Did Alice train you to say that?"

Edward laughed out loud and nodded. "Something like that." He scooped her up in his arms and twirled her around. "But that doesn't make it any less true." He set her on her feet again and kissed her. He felt her sigh in his arms and felt his smile grow.

She stepped to the refrigerator. "You want some lunch? We had barbecue sandwiches. I saved you one." She motioned for him to sit at the bar while she heated it in the microwave.

Edward sat and watched the way the evening sun lit up the red highlights of her hair. She grinned at him while waiting for the microwave to chime. He grinned back. The dress Alice bought her was a deep blue with a modestly plunging neckline. He could see her collarbones and the curve of her shoulders. Her skin was creamy and smooth and he was suddenly struck with the urge to kiss everywhere he saw skin.

The microwave dinged, breaking the spell and Edward took a deep breath. He took his plate from her and took a bite as she got the potato chips out of the pantry.

"I asked Emmett why you were so hard on the boys after the game." She put a handful on his plate and took one for herself. "He said it's because football is about constantly pushing yourself to be better." She narrowed her eyes at him, not in anger but in seriousness. "Is that true?"

Edward thought while he chewed his sandwich. It had bothered her mother's heart when he hadn't praised the boys. But he knew what boys needed, and to an extent, what they wanted. They wanted to be treated with respect and they wanted high expectations. They needed a goal, something to push for. So he nodded. "Football teaches them that they can always be better, Bella. It shows them how hard it is to give everything you've got. I want them to think about the things they did wrong so they can get better." He took a sip of the sweet tea Bella had just put in front of him. "I was proud of them. Truly I was. Will especially. He gave everything he had."

He saw Bella's smile and felt himself grow warmer. She was lovely. He took another bite and waited for her response. She nodded. "Emmett was right. Football is good for them." Edward chuckled and kept eating.

Bella went back to gathering up the dirty dishes and asked him about his week and his parents. She was humming softly as he answered. It was wonderfully domestic.

Edward watched her at the sink and tried to keep his mind on their conversation. But her hair was falling down her back in waves and her hips were calling out for his hands. He tried to keep his mind on her words but it was too much. Giving up, he made his way to where she was scrubbing a dish.

He felt her gasp when he put his hands on her hips. He pulled her hair to the side and laid his lips against her neck. She tasted like heaven.

"I missed you today," he whispered. "It was hard to concentrate."

Bella sighed and leaned her head back into his shoulder. His lips were taking small bites up her neck.

"I could hear your voice and refused to let myself look for you." His nose circled her ear and he felt her shiver. "Last night was the best night of my life, Bella."

Bella let go of the dish she was washing and heard the soft sloshing sound it made as it sank back into the water. She gripped the side of the sink to steady herself. "Me, too," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Edward's hands slid around her waist to hold her more firmly against his body. "I keep remembering how you felt against me. How it felt to hold you and kiss you. How it felt to know you love me." He ran his tongue around the shell of her ear and felt her shudder. "I love you, Bella. So much. I never knew it could be like this."

"I know." Bella whispered. "I love you, Edward. I'm afraid you're going to wake up one day and realize I'm not worth your effort."

Edward used one hand to turn her face toward him and kissed her. He felt her small sob and poured his heart into the kiss. He had to convince her of her worth and his love. His lips pulled at hers, his tongue tracing into her mouth where it met hers. He kept the kiss slow and gentle and breathed her in. He felt the wetness of her hands on his neck and smiled. He pulled his mouth away and rested his forehead on hers.

"I love you, Bella."

Bella couldn't help the smile that spread over her features. "I'm beginning to believe you." She sighed in pleasure as his hands explored her belly and hips. "Every time I think about last night I get hot all over." Edward hummed against her neck and pulled her dress strap to the side to kiss her shoulder. "The way you felt inside me. Oh god, that's so nice, Edward." She slid her hand into his hair. "I want to feel you again. Please," she moaned.

Edward's head came up, his green eyes smoldering into hers. "Where are the boys?"

Bella smiled. "Your parents took them to the movies. They're nice, by the way."

Edward ignored her comment. "And Alice is on the phone with Jasper?"

Bella nodded slowly and waited.

"Can I, Bella? Will you let me make love to you again? Right here?"

At this point, Bella would have said yes to anything, she wanted him that badly. She nodded and watched his face. His eyes closed briefly and she felt his chest expand against her back when he took a deep breath. He kissed her once more on the mouth and then slid down her back until he was kneeling behind her.

Bella's grip on the edge of the sink tightened. His hands slid under her dress and up her legs to her panties. She felt his lips press kiss after kiss to her skin at the edge of the lacy fabric.

"Edward," she sighed.

Then he slid his fingers under the fabric and slowly slid them down her legs. When he wrapped his fingers around her ankle, she lifted her foot and looked down to see him slide her underwear over each foot. Then he was sliding back up her body until he was pressed against her once more. She heard his zipper and turned her head again, seeking his lips.

Edward watched her surrender and stifled a groan. She was, by far, the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world. He felt his pants pool around his thighs and gathered her skirt up around her waist.

"I love you, baby," he whispered as he rubbed his cock against her.

Bella's head was too weak with pleasure to hold it up any longer. She let it fall back against his chest. She whispered her love to Edward and shifted her feet further apart. Edward's hands on her hips tightened and she felt him bend his knees and then he was sliding into her and it was perfect.

Edward's forehead came down to rest on her shoulder as he tried to get control of his body. Being inside Bella, knowing what they had between them, stole his breath. "Fuck, Bella. I love you so much." He slid out and pushed back in and heard her moan.

Bella arched her hips and felt him go deeper. It was too much. It wasn't enough. He was moving inside her slowly and she felt pleasure building in her belly. His hands were roaming her body and she put hers over them and guided them to her breasts.

Edward looked over Bella's shoulder and groaned at the sight of her hands pressing his own into her breasts. He gripped the edge of her dress and pulled, exposing her to his hungry eyes. He felt his cock twitch and forced himself to continue the slow pace he had set. Her breasts were heavy in his hands. He stroked over her nipples with his thumbs and listened to her quiet sounds of pleasure. Time slowed until it was just the two of them in the world. Edward looked down at her flushed face and whispered her name. Her eyes when she opened them were dark with pleasure and vulnerable. Her body was lifting with every push and pull of his hips and he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

When he felt her pulsing, he bent his knees and lifted into her more forcefully, earning a moan. He slid his hands down her stomach to press into her just above her pubic bone, setting off her climax. He pushed into her over and over, forcing her orgasm to continue. When he could take it no longer, he thrust hard and stilled and felt his orgasm build to the breaking point.

Bella felt him still and lifted her hands to grasp his hair. "Edward, you're amazing. I love you. I love you so much." Her voice was coming out in pants and moans as she felt him pulse inside her. He groaned loudly and lifted into her once more, hard enough for her toes to come off the floor. She tightened around him again and this time, they came together. Pleasure came in waves and Edward groaned, unable to keep quiet.

Edward tried to keep his weight off her by holding onto the sink, but he could feel her gasping.

"Sorry. Am I crushing you?" he panted.

She shook her head and put her hands over his. His thumbs came up to grip her fingers. He was struggling to catch his breath.

"That was beautiful," Bella whispered and turned her head to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

Edward lifted his head and smiled at her. "You're thanking _me_?" He kissed the tip of her nose. "I should be the one thanking you. You just blew my mind." He slid out of her and hiked his pants around his hips before turning her to face him. "I love you." He kissed her sweetly before dropping to his knees and pulling her underwear out of his pocket.

Bella watched him slide her panties back on her and felt her eyes fill with tears. He kissed her knees and stood. He looked down at her as he fastened his pants again. He saw her tears and wrapped his arms around her.

"What's wrong, baby? Are you okay?" he whispered into her hair as he stroked her back.

Bella sighed happily into his chest. "I'm good. Just got overwhelmed there for a second." She leaned her head back and smiled up at him. "I'm happy."

He grinned down at her and kissed the tip of her nose. "I'm glad."

They heard Alice's bedroom door open and smiled. Edward pecked her lips and stepped back to his plate. Bella turned back to the sink, her smile never fading. Being with Edward was a dream she never wanted to end.

A/N

Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I don't know how long it will be before the next update. RL is about to get crazy, but I promise I'll try hard.

Please leave me some love. Reviews are like Edward knee kisses. Mmmmm…..


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Lauren stared into the empty liquor cabinet in utter despair. The wine, the brandy, the whiskey, all gone. She opened more cabinet doors, and when they were empty, she hurled the empty bottle in her hand across the room. It smashed into bits against the fireplace but she paid no attention. Her heart was starting to get that tight, horrible feeling again. She had to get rid of it. It was too much.

She stumbled through the dark house, tripping over an overturned chair and falling hard on one knee. It would swell and bruise but it would take her days to notice. The lamps in the bedroom were broken, collateral damage of her lonely rage. She fumbled for the light switch along the wall and blinked against the harsh light. She ignored the chaos. The bathroom was dirty and unkempt. She flung open the medicine cabinet and started taking bottles out, examining their contents. Aspirin. She dropped it into the sink. A half empty bottle of antibiotics. Three empty tubes of toothpaste were swept into the floor. Lauren's movements were growing more and more frantic.

There. Her shaking hand grasped the small medicine bottle at the back of the top shelf. Lortab. It was leftover from the dental work Edward had done last spring. It took three tries to get the lid off. She popped three in her mouth and gagged slightly as she tried to swallow them dry. She turned the sink on and stuck her head under.

Water was dripping down her chin as she stood with her eyes closed. Thirty minutes. She just had to wait thirty minutes for relief. She opened her eyes and saw her own reflection. The effects of the whiskey were wearing off and she saw herself clearly for the first time in days. Her hair was matted and her eyes were bloodshot. She turned her head to the side and saw dried blood near her ear where she'd fallen earlier in the day. Edward would be disgusted by her if he could see her.

Tears filled her eyes when she thought about him. She closed them. She knew he'd never loved her, but she made herself not care. He was handsome and successful and he could make her body feel so good. She remembered how it felt to be fucked by him and it made her ache. She knew no one would ever love her. She was disgusting and used up. But there was that moment, the few minutes of a climax when she could forget the demons that haunted her. She could forget her father and all her many screw-ups. She could feel beautiful and loved.

Lauren opened her eyes to the dreadful reality of her existence. She had driven away the only thing that ever validated her. She was unwashed and unloved and looking around, knew that everything was falling apart. She looked down at herself and stripped off her dirty t-shirt and shorts. Her ribs were sticking out a little, but some men liked that. She stepped into the shower and scoured her skin. Maybe she could find someone who would make her feel good again.

An hour later, fully buzzed on the pain pills and dressed for success, Lauren pulled into the parking lot of a bar in the next town. Her knee was beginning to color from her fall earlier, but the amount of cleavage she was showing insured that no one would notice.

The air inside was stale with smoke and if desperation had a smell, this would be it. Lauren smiled coyly at a few of the men who leered at her, but she had to concentrate to keep from falling in the heels she'd chosen. It was her experience that men loved high heels.

She slid onto a barstool and ordered a penny draft. Hopefully, she would be getting free drinks soon. She rubbed at the ache behind her ribs and pushed away anything resembling pain. She didn't need anyone. She could get whatever she needed all by herself.

Lauren took a deep breath when she felt a hand slide across her bare shoulder. Finally…

~O~

"I had the private investigator follow her for several days."

Edward nodded and crossed his legs, waiting for Jenks to get to the point.

"She didn't leave the house at all, it seems. But then she went out." Jenks looked up from the papers on his desk.

Edward sighed. "Are you going to get to the point sometime today?" He checked the time on his phone. "I have things to do."

Jenks smiled. "Of course." He leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands over her round stomach. "She went to a bar. She was in there for a couple of hours, apparently had intercourse in the alley." He raised an eyebrow. "We have pictures of course. And then she proceeded to get a DUI on the way home."

Jenks looked very pleased with news, but Edward felt bile rise in his throat. "Is she okay?"

His lawyer looked at him like he was crazy. "What?"

Edward took a deep breath. "I said, is she okay? Is she hurt?"

"No. She's not hurt. But she's not doing anything to help herself. I think we have enough to really push the divorce through. She won't get a dime."

Edward narrowed his eyes and said nothing. Jenks watched him and realized his client was not pleased.

"Or she'll agree to the terms that you set forth. At this point, you choose."

Edward rested his head in his hands and sighed. He never wanted Lauren to self-destruct, but he knew she was destroying him. He would never survive another year living with her. Not that he would want to. He had Bella now. He knew what it meant to love and be loved and he would never, ever go back. But the thoughts of Lauren completely destroying herself broke his heart.

He looked up at Jenks and nodded. "Fine. I want to be done." He stood and grabbed the doorknob. "Get her to agree, but add something for me."

Jenks smiled and picked up his hundred dollar ink pen. "Shoot."

Edward grimaced and opened the door. "I want her to go to rehab."

Then he walked out and shut the door behind him.

A/N: I know. I know. It's really short. Sorry. And I also know how long it's been. All I can say is sorry. I was tempted to give up and delete the whole thing when I got a really beautiful PM… (you know who you are!). Thanks for sticking with me. Just a few chapters left! Leave me a review if you can; they help more than you know! Thanks!


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me. But this plotline does. I hope you like it. **

**Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. I know I'm a slow updater. I wish I wasn't but… Thanks for sticking with me! Hope you enjoy. **

Bella pondered the state of her life as she showered and readied herself for the day. She thought of Will and smiled. Other than him, she had been alone for a long time; even before James, she'd been alone. Now that she really thought of it, it seemed she'd been alone her whole life. Well, except for Emmett. He had always been the bright spot in her life and his going away to college had broken her heart. If it wasn't for Will, she would have had no one to love and to love her in return.

She rinsed her hair and shut off the water. The bathroom was steamy and the house was still quiet since Will wasn't awake yet. Bella brushed her teeth and thought of Edward. He said he loved her. She watched her face in the mirror and wondered at the smile that slid across her lips. She touched her fingertips to her mouth and sighed happily.

She heard her phone buzz on her bedside table and dashed to get it.

**Sorry. I know its early. R u up? – E**

_Yes. Good morning! –B_

She waited only a few seconds before the phone rang.

"Hi," she breathed happily.

She could hear Edward's chuckle and smiled wider. She walked back into the bathroom and used her towel to squeeze the water from her hair.

"Good morning, baby. You wanna go on a date with me?"

Bella laughed and dropped her wet towel into the hamper. "Well… Let me think about it. You know I'm very busy and my social schedule is packed. But since you're so cute I can pencil you in," she teased. She picked up her comb and ran it through her hair.

"I would really appreciate that. You're so kind," his voice dripped sarcasm.

"It's not just your cuteness though."

Edward's voice dropped, "Oh really? There's something else working in my favor?"

Bella hummed and rested her comb on the counter. "There's something really big working in your favor."

Edward made no sound and Bella continued. "You see, I know for a fact that you love me."

She heard him chuckle. "That is true."

Bella grinned. "I think that's super sexy."

"What if I were to tell you that I love you… a lot?"

Bella giggled. "I would say, 'How soon can you be here?'"

Edward laughed. "Nice. If only I weren't at work already." She could hear papers shuffling in the background. "You want to go on a date with me?"

Bella walked into her room and started picking out her clothes for the day. "Edward, I would love to go on a date with you." She opened her underwear drawer. "When?"

He was quiet for a second. "Bella? Um," he cleared his throat. "What are you doing right now?"

"Getting ready."

"I know but, ah, I know that squeak. Your underwear drawer makes that sound. I remember it from the other day."

Bella laughed. "You remember how my dresser sounds?"

"Not every drawer, just that one. What are you wearing?" His voice was barely audible.

Bella felt her skin flush with heat. There was a small part of her that wanted to be embarrassed but she ignored it. "Nothing."

She heard him choke. "Nothing?"

She lowered her voice even though her door was shut and locked and Will was still asleep. "I am completely naked. I just got out of the shower."

"Oh god," he groaned. "That's so hot, baby."

"It is? I do it every day; it doesn't seem that hot to me."

"Yeah, well, that's because you are completely unaware of your own sexiness. I, on the other hand, am not."

Bella had no words. All she could do was giggle. Edward chuckled with her.

"Tonight. Can you go out tonight? Alice can watch Will."

"That would be great, but Will's with Emmett today. They haven't seen each other much lately. They're going to the high school game and then having a 'man night' at Emmett's house. Tell Alice thanks anyway." She took a breath, "Would you like to spend the night here?"

Edward's voice was much deeper when he answered. "Bella, I would love to spend the night with you. It seems like a year since I touched you last."

Bella tried to stifle her moan but failed. "Come over as soon as you can. Okay?"

"I'll run by Alice's and take a quick shower then be right over. See you around five?"

Bella agreed and sighed as she hung up the phone after saying goodbye. He was so amazing.

~O~

Work was slow. Mrs. Rachel spent the morning listening to Ray Charles and rearranging the window display. Bella checked on her periodically and she seemed perfectly content. Bella spent her morning repairing an old rocking chair Mrs. Rachel had brought in.

Just after lunch, Bella heard the front bell ring and walked out to make sure Mrs. Rachel was on the floor. She was and Bella turned to go back into the workroom when she heard a familiar voice.

"Hello. A friend of mine told me that you buy used furniture," Lauren rasped out.

Bella took the long way around so she could see and hear without being noticed. Lauren looked awful. She was much thinner and her hair looked terrible. She had pictures of furniture and Bella could tell Mrs. Rachel was getting excited. When she finally left, Bella hurried over.

"What was that about?"

Mrs. Rachel looked flustered. "Where's my purse? I need to go to the bank." She was spinning in circles and waving her hands.

Bella grinned, "What's going on?" The older lady just kept flapping and looking. "Mrs. Rachel!" She took her waving hands and stopped her. "What's happening?"

Her boss looked at her with wide, excited eyes and whispered, "She's got a credenza that I just know Mr. Simmons will want. And that woman is willing to sell it for _two hundred dollars_. Two hundred dollars! I just know Mr. Simmons will give me two thousand. And she's got a table, too. Where are my keys?"

Bella watched Mrs. Rachel dash out the door and took a moment to think about what just happened. Lauren was selling furniture. Edward's furniture. What should she do? She paced the front of the shop for five full minutes before making up her mind. She grabbed her cell from her hip pocket and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Alice?"

~O~

Edward walked in the shop only two minutes after Lauren reappeared. Bella felt fear course through her at the look on his face. She was so accustomed to seeing him smiling and content but now he looked angry and determined. Bella stepped further into the shadows and watched.

"Lauren! What do you think you're doing?"

Lauren spun around, eyes huge with fear. Fear that morphed into longing for the briefest of moments before turning furious.

"Go away, Edward. This is none of your business." She turned cold eyes back to Mrs. Rachel and nodded. "We have a deal then?"

Edward stepped up to the counter. "Like hell you do. That's not your furniture to sell. That was my grandmother's. All of this was hers, which means I brought it into this sham of a marriage and it still belongs to me. You have no right to sell it!"

Lauren completely ignored him and raised her eyebrows at the proprietor, expecting an answer.

Mrs. Rachel looked from the calculating face of the woman to the stern face of the man and fluttered her hand to her throat. "Well, I mean… um… if the furniture isn't yours, dear…" She never finished because Lauren growled and pivoted to plant a fist in Edward's jaw.

Bella gasped and reached for her phone to call the police. She was terrified. She expected Edward to do _something_, but what he did surprised her. He calmly rubbed his jaw and stared her down.

"Lauren, why are you doing this? Why sell my things? Do you hate me that much?" His eyes looked her up and down and left a sad look on his face.

"I wouldn't have to if you would just give me what I need." Lauren's voice had a sharp edge to it, demanding.

"I can't Lauren. I won't. But if you need money," he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Bella watched as he handed her a stack of bills. "There's a crew at the house packing up the rest of my things." Lauren's head snapped up from ogling the money in her shaking hands. "And the police are there. I recommend that you stay away for a while." He rubbed his jaw again and refused to look her in the face again. "And for God's sake, sign the papers."

Bella watched tears slide down Lauren's face as she nodded, stuffed the money in her cleavage and left. Edward sighed and sat down in the nearest chair, head in his hands.

"Sir, I am so sorry. I would never have agreed to purchase the things if I had known…" Mrs. Rachel was beside herself with worry. "Are you okay? Can I help you? Do you need an ice pack? I'm so sorry…"

Edward's eyes lifted when he heard Bella's voice. "Mrs. Rachel, why don't you go on home? I know that scared you. Why don't you go over to your sister's house and tell her all about it? It will make you feel better." Bella patted the older lady's shoulder and maintained eye contact with Edward. "Today's a slow day. I can handle it."

Rachel looked at Bella and then at Edward. She lowered her voice to a whisper and asked, "Should we call someone for him? He looks pretty torn up."

Bella nodded. "I'll make him a cup of coffee and then see if there's anything else I can do. You go. Call Mona and tell her you're on your way."

Mrs. Rachel took one more look at Edward before taking her purse and heading out the door with a 'Thank you' called back to Bella.

Bella waited until she saw her car pull out of the parking lot before she flipped the sign to 'Closed' and locked the door. She quietly walked back to where Edward was watching her with his chin in his hands. She knelt between his knees and placed her hands over his.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

He nodded and then shrugged. "I don't know."

Bella stood and took his hands in her own, "Come on. I'll make you some coffee."

He stood slowly and followed her to the back of the store. She led him to an old ladder-back chair and made him sit. She poured him some coffee and tried to hand it to him, but he shook his head and reached for her. She placed the cup on the work table and stepped into his arms. His grip on her was fierce as he pulled her into his lap. Bella wrapped her arms around him and held him as tightly as she could.

It was several minutes before she realized Edward was crying. It broke her heart. "Oh, Edward. Shh… it's okay," she cooed. She shifted in his lap until she was straddling him and pulled his head to her shoulder where she stroked his hair and comforted him as best she could. She had a good idea of why he was crying. When you've spent years saving someone and then realize they don't want to be saved, it breaks your heart.

"You can't help her anymore. She doesn't want to be saved, Edward." She felt him nod against her neck. "It's okay." After long minutes, she felt his tears subside and continued stroking his head.

When his shuddering had stopped, she felt his lips gently touch the skin on her neck. His hands that had been clenched in the fabric of her dress moved slowly up her back to pull her hair away from her shoulder then down her sides to her hips. She felt his mouth open against her skin and she shivered. His tongue ran slowly up her neck to trace the shell of her ear.

"Love me, Bella," he whispered raggedly.

She nodded and ran her hands through his hair, pushing his face back to where she could see him. His eyes were red and swollen, and so very tired. "Always, Edward. Always."

She leaned forward to place her lips over his, the taste of his tears pungent on her tongue. She kissed him with all the love and tenderness in her and when he moaned she answered. Their kisses turned deeper, so deep they had to break apart to catch their breath. She kissed over his cheekbones, down the strong line of his jaw and stopped to suck his bottom lip into her mouth. He sighed and let his hands roam over her body. Bella kissed each of his closed eyelids, his eyebrows, his nose, the tears drying on his cheeks.

When she returned to his mouth, he took her lips with a desperation she'd never felt from him before. She moaned and gripped his hair. His mouth was taking great gulps of her, opening over her mouth and plunging his tongue in. She could taste the essence of him, his fear, his love for her. She used her tongue to battle his as she turned her head more fully to the side, intent on showing him just how much she loved him.

She felt him shudder under her and gentled her touch. She wanted to soothe and comfort him as he'd done for her when her heart was exposed. She wanted to take away his pain and keep him safe. She broke the kiss and nuzzled her nose over his jaw.

"I love you, Edward, just as you are and I _love_ that you love me," she breathed in his ear.

She brought her hands between their bodies and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, kissing his neck and collarbone. She could feel his breath catch and ran her hands over his shoulders, pushing his shirt into the floor. His hands cradled her face as he kissed her gently. But when he attempted to unbutton her dress, she moved his hands away.

"Let me love you, darling. Let me show you how much I want to take care of you," Bella whispered. "It doesn't have to be fast or rough. I want to love you slowly. I want to," she paused to kiss him sweetly, "I want to make you feel loved. Cherished." She looked into his green depths and saw them fill with tears.

"Bella," he murmured, turning his head to place a kiss on her hand.

Bella proceeded to touch and kiss every inch of skin she could reach. She ran her hands over his chest, down over his stomach and up his sides. She placed open-mouthed kisses on his wrists and elbows and ended up kneeling between his legs. She unfastened his belt and zipper and tugged his pants down over his hips. Then kissing his knees as he had once kissed hers, she removed his shoes and pants.

When Edward was completely naked, Bella stood before him and removed her dress and underwear.

"Oh, Bella. You're so beautiful," he breathed as his hands drifted up her ribs to stroke the underside of her breasts. "Come here."

Bella went to him willingly. The feel of his hands sliding over her skin making her tremble. And when she slid onto his length, they both sighed. Their loving was gentle and unhurried. She lifted over him again and again, their faces close together. Their breaths mingling as their open mouths touched. Bella ran her hands into his hair and couldn't look away from the love in his eyes. His hands curled around her shoulders as he lifted into her. It was the most beautiful thing Bella had ever experienced.

She saw Edward's brows draw together and his body tighten and knew he was close. She could feel her own orgasm building slowly inside her but was unconcerned for her own pleasure. She wanted to see him come apart. She ran her fingertips over his cheekbones and whispered her love to him over and over. He opened his eyes and grunted as he thrust into her, the hands on her shoulders tightening and pulling her into his hips. The look in his eyes made her heart leap in her chest. He loved her. And it brought her to the edge faster than any physical touch ever had. They climaxed together with quiet gasps and moans and when it was over, Bella laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart pounding. She felt Edward lay his cheek against her hair and kiss her head. She smiled up at him and he smiled back. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I know." He kissed the tip of her nose. "And I love you right back."

Later, after they dressed and made plans for dinner at Bella's house, Bella locked up the cash drawer and turned off the lights. She made sure everything was as it should be and locked up. She looked forward to a whole evening and night with Edward. Edward waited for her to pull from her parking spot before following her from the lot.

Neither of them noticed the car in the back of the lot or the devastated woman inside it, watching them through her tears.

**A/N: Dun Dun Dun…. The plot thickens. Not many more chapters of this story left. Let me know what you think! **


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaime**r: **I own nothing to do with Twilight… other than all the movies, books, magazines, a few cups, a notebook, some wallpapers for my laptop and… oh, wait… that's just merchandise; so, um, never mind. I own nothing. **

**Shall we continue? Sorry for the long delay. **

**Last chappie we had some desperate store sex and another appearance by psycho Lauren. When is she going to just go away already? Geez. I know, right?**

Lauren left the antique store devastated. She'd begged Edward, not in so many words, but he'd known what she meant. He knew she needed him. Well, not _him_ really, but she needed sex. And not just any sex, she needed Edward. He was the best fuck around. Even when he didn't want to be there. She could tell he didn't like it but even not liking it, he was still better than anyone else.

Lauren drove past her house and wasn't surprised to see a moving van, a police car and Alice. That damned woman, ruiner of all things, was standing on her porch. Lauren's eyes narrowed as she thought about jumping out of the car and beating Alice to death with her bare hands, but another look at the size of the two police officers changed her mind. She drove on.

Lauren pulled the stack of bills out of her bra and counted it. She could buy enough booze to last a while with it. Or…she sneered and turned toward the cheaper side of town. The pavement grew rougher when she crossed the railroad tracks and her heartbeat sped up. She would have relief soon.

An hour, an unsatisfying fuck and several lines of cocaine later, Lauren spotted Edward's Jeep still in the parking lot where she'd left him. She pulled to the back of the lot and parked under the shade of an old oak tree. What was he still doing here? The coke was taking effect and her vision was blurring. She rubbed at her face and remembered a time when using made her feel euphoric, but not anymore. She felt numb, but it didn't feel good anymore. She reached into the seat beside her and grabbed the bottle of whisky she'd bought with her windfall. Cracking it open, she gulped down a fourth of the bottle and waited. There. The pain was completely gone now. There was nothing but emptiness left. She felt something wet on her chin and swiped at it, only then realizing that she was crying. She scrubbed at her eyes angrily. She hated crying. Instead of staunching her tears, she only succeeded in smearing mascara into her eyes, making them burn.

She caught movement in the parking lot and saw Edward's Jeep backing out. Taking another hit from the bottle, she put her car in gear.

~O~

Edward sat on the counter and watched Bella chop vegetables for their supper. She had changed into shorts and a tank top and pulled her hair up into a high ponytail.

"You look like a teenager," he said with a chuckle.

She gave him a playful look over her shoulder. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

He grinned at her. "I'll keep that in mind." He listened as she chatted away about the weather, football, homework, everything but what had happened earlier. He slid off his perch and stepped over to grab a carrot off the cutting board. He kissed her cheek and leaned back against the counter. She was adorable.

After supper, they snuggled together on the couch and watched a movie. Her head was leaning against his shoulder and he kept leaning down to sniff her hair and place soft kisses on her head. He heard her sigh and smiled. She sounded as content as he felt. Most of the movie passed before she turned her head and looked up at him with sad eyes. His brows drew together and he leaned away to better study her face.

"What's the matter?"

"What did she mean, Edward?"

He knew who Bella was talking about but was at a loss to what specifically she meant. He wrinkled his brows and tilted his head in response.

Bella picked up one of his hands and played with his fingernails.

"When she said, 'You know what I need'?"

Edward studied her face and thought about changing the subject. But Bella's eyes were on his and he wanted to be as real with her as she'd been with him. So he cleared his throat and moved his arm from around her shoulders. He slowly pulled his hand from hers and scratched at his hair. His body was tense, but he was learning not to be afraid of the truth. He stood and paced over to the fireplace where he spent a few minutes rearranging the picture frames sitting on the mantelpiece.

"Bella, Lauren has problems. She's pretty messed up actually." He watched his own hand stroke the edge of the ledge and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Her dad was a really, um, he was horrible. He molested her most of her childhood and she's never stayed in therapy for longer than a few months at a time." He couldn't look away as his thumbnail scraped paint out of the crack in the wood. "Anyway, she developed some addictions. I didn't know about them when we met." He chuckled humorlessly, "Hell, I didn't know about them until we'd been married a couple of years." He glanced at Bella. She was sitting on the couch, her legs drawn up and a blanket gripped in her hands. Her eyes were soft as she waited for him to continue. He had to look away.

"She had a drug problem, cocaine. She went to rehab and that's been under control for a while now." He looked doubtful, "At least, I think it has. But her other… well, she's got a sex addiction. And that was bad the first couple of years, but then we worked out a deal. She wouldn't, you know, go out looking for it and I would…" he swallowed again. "I would keep her supplied, so to speak, as long as we used a condom. She kept her end of the deal until recently." He refused to meet Bella's eyes and paced around the room. "I spoke with a therapist and did some research online. They all said the same thing: sex addiction is real and until she was ready to deal with it, it wouldn't stop. So, I coped as best I could. I figured if I gave her sex and kept her satisfied, then she wouldn't go elsewhere. And if I could keep her from going elsewhere and being safe, then my risk of disease was much less and Lauren's risk of getting hurt or killed was less too. So that's what I did. What I tried to do anyway." He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Bella.

Bella looked down at where her fingers were picking at a loose string on the blanket. "So you've only had sex on demand all these years? Weren't you afraid she was going behind your back?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair and pulled. "I did what I thought was right. I made her get tested regularly. I tried to protect her, to keep her safe, to save her, I guess. But eventually, I started hating her. It all spiraled into this sick, twisted game and I realized that not only was I not helping her, I was killing myself in the process. I had to get out and when she fucked a random guy in my bed, well, that was it. I was done."

He heard Bella get up from the couch and stilled. Her small hand touched the back of his arm but still he didn't move. "She was asking me for sex today. She wanted me to feed her addiction." He raised pained eyes to hers, "But I won't do it anymore. I refused."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Bella whispered, not knowing what else to say. She was sorry for the emptiness he felt and sorry, too, for the broken woman who had caused it. There was also a deep anger in her at Lauren; an anger that screamed for Bella to do something to make Lauren pay. She knew on an intellectual level that addiction was a terrible thing, an uncontrollable beast; but when she saw the utter devastation it caused, she wanted to make that beast pay.

Edward turned suddenly and held her. "I gave her money today. I know her. The only thing she wants as much as sex is money. I knew it would appease her. Bella, I hate the person I've become. I hated having to use condoms and feeling the need to get tested regularly even though I'd only been with my _wife_. I hated the doubt I felt every time she promised that she'd not been with anyone but me and the fact that I had to force her into getting tested. I hated being with my family and seeing their happy marriages and knowing I could never have that." He shuddered and swallowed heavily. "I don't ever want to go back there. I hate that Lauren is killing herself, but I can't let her kill me too."

He felt Bella's hands stroking his back and held her tighter.

"Let's go to bed," she whispered into his chest. "We're both worn out." She stepped back from him and took him by the hand and led him from the room, flipping lights off as she passed. She crossed her room to her bedside lamp and switched it on instead of turning on the overhead.

Edward watched her turn down the bedcovers and felt the hint of a smile touch his lips. She turned back to him and saw him watching her. She crossed back to him and tugged up the hem of his tshirt. "Come on, up you go."

Edward lifted his arms and smiled when his shirt passed over his head. He stood still and let her slowly undress him. When he was down to his boxer briefs, she leaned forward and kissed his heart.

"It's going to be okay, Edward. Maybe now she'll reach the bottom and get the help she needs. You did the right thing for you. You're going to be happy one day. I know it," she whispered.

Edward pushed her away from his chest just enough to look into her eyes. "You make me happy, Bella." Her smile dazzled him. He slid her hair behind her ear and ran his fingertips over her cheeks. And when she reached for the edge of her tank top, he pushed her hands away. "May I?"  
he murmured.

Bella nodded and lifted her hands, mimicking his actions from moments before. She closed her eyes and hummed at the sensation of him running his hands up her sides, her shirt collecting at his wrists. She gasped when she felt his lips gliding between her breasts and moaned when she felt his tongue slide over her nipple. His name left her lips on a sigh.

"Bella." Edward's voice was rough and made her insides flip over. Once her top was on the floor, she slid her hands into his hair and watched him, bent over, tongue laving first one nipple then the other. It was the most erotic sight she'd ever seen.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up, her legs hanging down, bringing her breasts within easy reach of his hungry mouth. He felt her gasp and then her arms were around him, her shoulders hunched as she held his head to her breast. He looked up at her, his eyes half-lidded, his lips red and wet and felt her tremble in his arms.

"Can I have you again, Bella?" He held her tighter when she nodded breathlessly at him. Tilting his head back, he waited for her lips to descend to his, then kissing her voraciously, his mouth devouring hers.

Bella's hands gripped his hair and she tried to keep up with the demands of his mouth. When she felt the wall at her back, she reached down and wriggled out of her shorts, then wrapped her naked legs around his waist. "Please, please," she panted.

Edward used one hand to pull the front of his boxers down enough to free his straining erection, then plunged inside her heat.

"Oh fuck, Bella. You feel so fuckin' good on my cock." He growled as he started lifting her over him. Filthy, dirty words were on the tip of his tongue, but he bit them back, not wanting to say something that could be a trigger.

Bella whimpered at the sensations coursing through her. Edward's mouth on hers, his chest rubbing against her sensitive tips every time he lifted her and the amazing fullness inside her. She opened her eyes to find him watching her face intently and the look on his face had her orgasm rushing up faster than she was prepared for. She screamed out his name as she clenched around him, triggering his climax. She felt his hips jerk once, twice and then his head dropped to her shoulder.

"Oh my god, Edward. That was amazing." She kissed the side of his face and tightened her legs around him. "_You_ are amazing. I never knew it could feel like this."

He lifted his head and grinned at her. "Me either." He kissed her gently on the lips and lowered her until her feet could touch the floor. "Bed?"

Bella nodded and crawled under the covers. She felt him crawl in after her and then she felt the heat of his body wrap around her, spooning her to his chest. "Mmmm," she moaned. The last thing she knew before sleep found her was the kiss he placed on the back of her head.

~O~

The doorbell woke them at six the next morning.

Bella cracked her eyes open and looked first at the still darkened window and then at the clock beside the bed. "What in the world?"

Edward sat up and touched her back when she sat up on the edge of the bed. "You want me to go see who it is?"

Bella turned and took his hand or a brief second before crossing the room to shrug into her housecoat. "No. You're not supposed to be here, remember?" She kissed his cheek and smiled. "Stay!"

She flipped on the hall light as she made her way to the door, the bell ringing once more before she could get there. "Coming!" she called.

Her heart was immediately in her throat when she saw the uniformed police officer on her steps.

"Can I help you, Officer?" She croaked, furiously running her fingers through her tangled hair.

The officer grimaced apologetically. "Yes, ma'am. I'm really sorry to wake you on a Saturday morning, but we got a call from one of your neighbors who was out for a jog. It seems there's a body on your lawn." He stepped to the side and Bella saw a crumpled heap of what looked like clothing. In the distance she heard the ambulance sirens. "The ambulance is almost here to take her to the hospital. Looks like she's just passed out drunk." He turned back to look at the pale face and giant eyes of the small woman before him. "Do you know anything about this? You know who she is?"

Bella felt coldness creeping into her chest and shook her head hard enough to swing her hair into her face, forcing her to push it back again. "Who… why… um, who is she?"

The officer patted her on the shoulder and gave her a small smile. "I didn't figure you knew anything about this. The neighbor who called it in said you were new to town and had a little boy that you were raising on your own." He lifted a hand to the EMTs who were on the scene. "You're a widow?" he asked, sounding like he already knew the answer.

Bella nodded and covered her mouth with her hand to try to keep the tears in. When the EMTs lifted the woman onto the stretcher, Bella realized with dread who was passed out in her yard. It was Lauren.

**A/N :**

**I suck, I know for the long delay. But thanks so much for the reviews and kind words. For all who have me on Alert, you are my sunshine and motivation when I get stuck. Thank you! **

**Reviews are better than falling asleep to Edward hair kisses…**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Don't own. No money. Nuff said.**

**Warning: This chapter is short but it earns its M. I wanted to give us all a short break from the drama and let these two enjoy themselves. I hope you like. As usual, if you are under 18 or this is not your cup of tea, please turn back now. To the rest of you, enjoy.**

Mistaking her tears for sadness over her deceased husband, the police officer dispatched to oversee the removal of Lauren from Bella's front lawn patted Bella's shoulder again and spoke softly, "Now, don't you worry, ma'am. We'll get her out of here. She's a crazy one, probably won't even remember anything when she comes to. We've been having lots of trouble with this one." He glanced over his shoulder and together, he and Bella watched the ambulance doors shut and the other officer conferring with the driver. "She's gonna have to answer to the judge about this. But don't worry. I'm sure you won't have any more trouble."

At the call from the other officer, he looked back at her and smiled apologetically, "You go on back to bed now ma'am. Don't you worry none about this. I'm just sorry I had to wake you."

Bella nodded helplessly and shut the door. She didn't want to tell Edward about this but she knew she had to. She turned to find him standing bare-chested at the end of the hall watching her.

"God, Bella, I'm so sorry. I saw from the window. This is so fucked up." She watched as he buttoned his jeans and ran one hand through his hair. "I'll go. I'll stay away. I know she followed me and I didn't even realize it and I don't think she'll remember your house but I know how freaked out you probably are…" He reached down for his shoes that were sitting by the garage door. "I can't tell you how…"

He never got to finish because suddenly Bella was in his arms and she wasn't hysterical. She was comforting _him._

"Edward, It's okay. I'm so sorry."

Edward held her tighter and shushed her. It took a minute to process her reaction and he still came up bewildered. "Bella, maybe I'm being obtuse but I'm really confused. I thought you would be freaking out here." He heard Bella's gasp and then she was out of his arms and pacing the room. He watched her for a minute at a complete and total loss. "Bella?"

She whipped around to face him so fast that her robe billowed out from her body. He could see the agitation in her face but there was no trace of fear. She was looking at him like she was trying to see the wall behind his head and finally threw her hands in the air in an act of frustration. "I don't know! I know I should and I think maybe I am, but I'm not and I don't know why!"

Edward chuckled and held his arms out to her. "Come here, sweetheart."

Bella huffed, annoyed with herself. "Edward," she grumped even as she let him enfold her in his arms. They heard the sound of the last police car driving away and still they were silent.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Why aren't I scared?"

"I have no idea."

"Am I going insane? Why are you laughing?"

He chuckled again. "Sweetheart, I think we're both going _sane_ for once in our life." He pulled back and kissed her forehead. "And dare I say, healthy?"

Bella rested her head on his chest and tried to understand the feelings in her heart. She felt uneasy. She felt angry with Lauren. She felt pity for Lauren. She felt previously hidden strength well up inside her. And she felt… it was shocking at first, but she felt _safe._

"Edward?"

"Yes?" he asked while rubbing his hand up and down her back.

"I really, really love you."

Edward felt such a powerful surge of happiness that it felt like his heart would break. His dazzling smile was an outward sign of the feeling inside. He lifted her chin and kissed her as best he could while smiling like an idiot. "Bella?"

She saw his joy and answered it with her own. "Yes?"

"I really, really love you too." He kissed her gently on the lips. "Does this mean we can go back to bed for a few hours? I'm still sleepy."

"Maybe."

Three hours later, Bella was gasping for breath, her head thrown back into the spray of the shower as Edward rocked into her from behind, his hands covering hers on the shelf ledge, the shampoo bottles scattered around their feet.

"More" she panted as he spread her knees wider and lifted into her over and over. Her hand slipped out from under his to reach back and grasp at his hair. "There. There, oh god, right there."

Edward bent his head to nip at her ear. "Come on, baby. Come for me." His voice grew ragged as the sensations overtook him. "Please, Bella, please. Oh god…" His voice trailed off into grunts when her body convulsed around him. The feeling of her clamping down on him sent him over the edge and he jerked his hips as his body pumped into her. "Shit, shit, _shit."_ He collapsed onto her back and felt shudders rock through him. "You are so," he paused to catch his breath. "so fucking fantastic. So damn sexy." He turned his head to kiss her back. "Damn Bella."

Bella giggled helplessly for long enough to make him slide out of her and turn her around. He slid his arms around her and adjusted the water to warmer. "What in heaven's name are you giggling about?" He fought back laughter and tried to look serious. "You're not helping my ego any, you know."

Bella pushed the wet hair off his forehead and kissed his chin. "Oh please. You were amazing and you know it." She kissed the smirk off his face before continuing. "It's just you have no idea how many times I've fantasized about you while being in the shower and now I don't need fantasies. I have the real thing."

His grin lasted for only a minute before a predatory look crossed his face. "Did these fantasies require any, um, action on your part?"

Bella grinned wickedly and stepped out of the shower and wrapped her towel around herself, all the while feeling his eyes on her. She heard the water shut off and then a seductive voice in her ear. "Well?"

Bella studiously ignored the delicious sensation of Edward kissing her neck as she tried to dry herself off. "Come on, Bella," he purred in her ear. "Tell me about your fantasies. Were they about me?" He slid one hand around her front to fondle her nipple while his voice worked on her self-control. "Did you think of me and touch yourself?" He slid his other hand under the towel she had clutched to her front. "Like this?" One long finger reached out to stroke her clit and she moaned.

Bella felt her hips rock even though he had given her a mind boggling orgasm only minutes before. How could she want him so much? How could he be recovered enough for her to feel him pressing into her bare backside.

"Please tell me," he whispered directly in her ear.

Bella swallowed and reached behind her to wrap her hand around his hardening cock, earning a moan from him. "Yes. It was always you. Only you."

He moaned softly. "Tell me one. I want to know. Please." His hands were moving torturously slowly. She felt the water from his hair drip onto her shoulder and slide down her chest to the waiting towel. "Please, Bella?"

She looked down at his hand pinching and rolling her nipple and dropped her towel. The sight of his hand buried between her legs made her feel wanton and powerful. "The first time I thought of you that way was after a dream. I touched myself in the bed. I think I came four times. Oh, yes, that feels so wonderful."

He rolled her nipple between his fingers and licked up the side of her neck. "Tell me about the shower."

Bella couldn't tear her eyes away from the way the muscles in his forearm stretched and rolled as he worked his fingers in her folds. "Oh god, I…" she tried to take a deep breath but found pants were the most she could do. "I would think about you, how sexy you are, about the way your body looks when you throw the tackling dummies over the fence, about the tightness of your ass, and what it would be like for you to touch me, to want me…" She moaned and slid her hand over his cock behind her back in the motion she knew he liked.

"Did I ever do this," he plunged his fingers in her, feeling the slick evidence of himself from minutes before. "Did I touch you like this?" At her nod, he moaned. "Did you use your fingers on yourself?"

Bella shook her head. "The shower head. I used the pulse setting on the shower head."

Edward bit at her shoulder and switched to the other breast, even as he pulled her back against him, trapping her hand wrapped around his cock. "That is, oh god, Bella. That makes me crazy, knowing that while you were so polite at practice, you were fucking yourself to thoughts of me." He spun her around and kissed her madly. "I wanted you too. Not just your body, I wanted your sweetness, your heart." He kissed his way down her jaw. "I loved you then. I just didn't know it."

"Edward," she sighed.

He lowered her to the floor and proceeded to shatter her previous fantasies into a million pieces.

"I'm starving," he murmured into her neck when he could breathe again. He lifted himself up onto his forearms and grinned at her. When a drop of water from his hair landed on her nose, she laughed and reached for her discarded towel.

"How about pancakes and bacon?" she asked as she dried him off.

His grin became a smile and Bella had to laugh at the image he presented. His hair was no longer dripping but still damp and sticking out from his head like the spines of a porcupine. His lips were red and slightly swollen from their kissing and he was grinning like an idiot.

"You are so adorable."

"Adorable?" he asked with mock offence, "I thought I was sexy!"

"Well, you were, ten minutes ago. Now you're just adorable." She pushed at his shoulders with a laugh. "Now get off me, you big lug. This tile floor is freezing and you weigh a ton!"

Edward hopped to his feet and lifted her in his arms. "Anything you say, dear." He kissed her cheek. "Besides, you said something about bacon." He set her on her feet at the foot of her bed and swatted her ass, "Get a move on."

Bella laughed and threw on her clothes, happier than she'd ever been in her life.

**A/N: A chapter with no discernible plot to be found, other than a step toward better mental health. Hurrah! Hope you had fun!**

**If you have an extra minute, please leave me a review and let me know how you feel about this chapter. Thanks!**


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